The phantom of the Toon!

Shola to be gimped up?
As revealed here on yesterday, it appears that Shola Ameobi’s cheek injury is not as bad as was first feared.

That isn’t strictly true though to be fair as his injury is still pretty severe, but the good news is that his recovery period could be shortened significantly by the use of a protective mask, which was an option that had previously been deemed too risky.

This is why Shola will be heading off to America to see a specialist who deals in custom made protective masks of the kind that are usually reserved for NBA players. Amoebi will jet out to Detroit baby, Detroit, this week to meet up with Jeremy Murray who will fit the mask that will, hopefully, allow the Fenham Eusebio to return to action in as little as two weeks.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t be too fussed about missing Shola through injury as it’s kind of one of things that I have got used to over the years, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and Shola is needed at his home-town club.

“We’ve got good news on Shola,” said Alan Pardew. “We’re sending him to America; there’s a basketball guy who specialises in protective masks for American NBA players. He’s the only guy in the world who does that kind of thing and we’re going to use him to protect Shola’s cheekbone, so Shola could be back in two or three weeks.”

I’ll remain sceptical on that to be honest, although in fairness Shola wouldn’t be the first of our strikers to wear the gimp mask. Leon Best became somewhat of a cult hero at Coventry City due to his rich goalscoring form when he had to wear a similar mask, so perhaps that Midas touch could rub off on Shola? Maybe Bestie could give Shola some tips on wearing said mask?

“Shola’s sending out the signals that he’ll play with it if he’s given the guarantee that it will protect him and I think it will,” Pardew stated. “The guy designs the mask to reflect the injury. I’d say the NBA is more physical than the Premier League when it comes to cheekbone and eye socket injuries; you’ve got arms everywhere and rebounds and stuff, so if someone in the NBA, a 6ft 8in giant, is wearing one of those masks, I think I’d feel confident wearing it in a football match.”

“Shola’s is a nasty injury and if he doesn’t feel confident going into challenges then there’s no point, so we’ve got to get him out to America, get it made and get him comfortable with it.”

Rebounds and ‘stuff’ eh Pards? Very technical…..

On a serious note it sounds like a sensible move to make IF the player is willing to go along with it, and this is where I have my doubts. It’s fair enough saying that Shola is sending out the signals, but the problem with signals is that they can be easily misinterpreted. Either Shola wants to risk it, or not, surely?

If he comes back early then great, but he needs to make sure that he is 100% sure about it. Any injury doubt can play on your mind, and the last thing you want in the heat of battle is second thoughts about going for a 50/50 ball or for a header.

Still it would be amusing to see anyway!

49 thoughts on “The phantom of the Toon!

  1. Having had a broken cheekbone myself I certainly have sympathy for Shola and the thought of any kind of knock on it send shudders through me. Although for me the swelling was so bad I couldn’t see out of my eye for about a month! I hope he takes whatever time he needs to feel really confident before he comes back. To be honest I don’t think Shola is any better than Best or Ranger and as we now have the Kuqi Monster in reserve I don’t think he should risk rushing back.


  2. Total respect for Shola if he goes ahead with this idea, playing centre floorboard he’s alway going to be called upon to make aerial challenges, hope that lad’s up for it.

    Almost 5000 toon tickets sold for the Blackburn away game, immense. Been to Blackburn a couple of times, and it’s a great end for creating a great atmosphere, wor fans can play a big part with their support….(as always)…Hopefully we can bring home three points…it would be great.


  3. @Jill

    Hope you are out of that relationship.
    Domestic Violence is disgusting.
    Hope things are going well for you now.
    But Jill, Shola not to rush back cos we now have the Cookie monster? Have you seen the monsters goal record? Cookie crumble me thinks!


  4. I wish Pards would stop giving interviews, he comes across as a right nugget – I know football isn’t full of the brightest people but pards is making woodgate look like a mensa candidate


  5. The best way to find out about new signings is to log into the fans forums from the club they came from.
    Here’s one of many comments from Swansea’s forum;

    Posted 10/2/2011 14:42
    #92948 – in reply to #92927
    Subject: Re: Kuqi to Newcastle!!!!!!!!

    Roger Freestone

    Posts: 1577

    Location: Sketty
    Quite an amazing story when you think about it, am sure Kuqi is pinching himself having landed back in the premiership albeit til the end of the season.

    Can’t help but like him, he is an honourable man but have to say that I was so glad when we paid him off as he was not up to the job. Honestly can’t see him being able to aid the Newcastle frontline to any extent but there again stranger things have happened. Good luck Shefki.


  6. And another comment from a Swansea fan from their forum regarding the signing of the Cookie crumble;

    Tudur-Jones’s knee

    Posts: 33

    They must have sacked the tea lady.


  7. There is nothing credible about this signing.

    You can’t polish a turd.

    You can’t make a silk purse out of a pigs ear.

    This signing clearly demonstrates the clubs lack foresight.


  8. 4411
    Posted February 11, 2011 at 8:38 AM

    “I wish Pards would stop giving interviews,”

    Eh? Isn’t speaking to the media compulsory these days? It’s usually in their contracts they have to give interviews


  9. Pardew’s made it very clear (and Kuqi must have found the wording interesting!) that this guy is here as backup should we lose any more strikers. However, if he proves his worth in training, he could get a start.

    What exactly is wrong with that? We were never going to try to replace AC before the summer, and the club made that clear. Were people expecting Berbatov?


  10. Whumpie…….just peoples opinion mate.
    Mine is, window is shut so we have to take what we can just to give us a bit of experienced cover, which we’ve done, beggars can’t be choosers and all that.He’ll score on his debut 😉

    People keep mentioning Sibierski, why? absolutely nothing to do with this signing in anyway shape or form 😕

    Yep fans blogs are often not the best way(wouldn’t say never) but by the same token is that any worse than taking the word of a journalist who has watched him in training once? 😉

    Anyhoo, good luck Kuqi and welcome to the Toon.HWTL


  11. 4411 – not true at all, Pardew has come across well in the last few interviews, he’s shown he knows what’s going on, he can take and give a joke but also always brings it back round to professionalism and doing the job. I’d say he’s going right up in my estimations, and that ‘Incredible Day’ interview is now the stuff of legend.

    If Ashley could do the same, going up in our estimations that is, all could be very well. 😎


  12. Richie – good points, all of ’em, and it’s not the opinions that annoy, it’s the relentless pissing and moaning and getting on one of our players’ backs before he’s even kicked a ball.

    The Sibi link is just because it was a very similar situation. There was nothing to recommend him when he arrived, and all the same jibes about “there’s a reason why he’s a free agent”, stuff about goal record, age and attitude all came out. Then he went on to out-perform our other strikers and earn everyone’s respect and support.

    Of course, this new fella could utterly tank, but let’s at least acknowledge that we’ve seen success from this kind of signing before.


  13. Oh, and do I respect the opinion of a seasoned footie analyst who’s been to watch the guy that day over a load of armchair ‘experts’ who’ve never seen him and often wouldn’t know a good player from their own arse hair?

    Well… yes. But more to the point, he makes a well-reasoned argument about attitude and motivation, which may explain why Kuqi’s here and the other names in the frame aren’t. I just thought it was the best commentary on the subject I’ve seen – by quite a margin.


  14. Whumpie…..yep agree mate, but unfortunately it’s always been that way, and can’t really understand it myself, I prefer to judge when I’ve seen them with my own eyes over a period of time.
    All the lad can do is try his best and give 100%, imo he’s been brought in more to help see games out rather than be a match winner and lets face it there’s been one or two games lately when we could have done with that sort of player.Spuds and scum away springs to mind.


  15. If he gets at least 20 min tomorrow, watch him score. It’s all set up for him, big move out of the blue for him, some fans slaging him already and V his former club. Put ya money on a Kuqi Kracka 😉


  16. Good point, Richie. Pards has said as much, and boy do we need that option.

    People keep saying what a gentleman Kuqi is. Looking at him, that’s just as well. The proverbial brick outbuilding comes to mind. 😯


  17. Shola’s never been afraid of getting stuck in. He’s not always come off best, mind!
    We’ll soon know if there’s a problem; if he’s his usual self and goes in full-bore to a challenged header, all is well.


  18. I wasnt keen on Kuqi before he signed but he is here now and will get my full back , all he needs to do is score a goal or set up a goal to get us a result in 1 game and i think he could be judged a success at end of the season.


  19. Not much, Toonsy. Usual Friday lull. 🙄

    Basically, we’ve established that Kuqi will eventually buy out Ashley and turn NUFC into a retail adult book store to rival Sven. Joey Barton is to have gender reassignment surgery but is still expected to be able to punch out a rabid polar bear if it looks at him/her/it wrong. David Cameron is to be our new left-back cover, but only if his friend Nick can be in goal. They have a ball.
    Our striking woes have been relieved by the shock arrival of the love-child of Fergal Sharkey and a factory reject cabbage-patch doll with two heads and an unnerving appetite for peanut butter and wogan sandwiches.
    Bit quiet. 😕


  20. Right Toonsy, I figure you need a new thread,

    So let me just finish one of my marathon questioning posts and then you can start a new one… 😡


  21. Hope all that is from a realible source such as your girlfriends brothers girlfriend uncle friends dog walker who knows derek lmbais parrot feather collector before i post it as gospel on twitter and on the bbc 606 as FACT Whumpie 😆


  22. @grumpie

    I agree about listening to opinions from fans blogs can be totally misleading.
    We only have to review your posts to realise that.


  23. Fan’s will always be bitter about any player who has left them. So its probably the worst place to look is another fans site.

    For instance, Carroll.

    Liverpool have bought themselves a completely unproven, donkey, who despite a good work rate, is a poor finisher, can only head the ball, is completely one footed.
    He’s probably gona suffer from a groin injury for the remainder of his career.
    He is only adept at the long ball game and thus promotes unattractive football.
    He has a shocking hair cut, is dumb as they come, and he should be in jail.

    All that for 35Million… hahahahahahahahahahaha…


  24. I’d like to think that these blogs (well… this one) are more entertaining than those damned, well-informed and considered ones the professional blokes insist on doing.


  25. JJ – on January 31st the striker formerly known as Carroll had his name changed by Geordie deed poll to Judas.

    You may only refer to the lanky street of pish as that from now on. 😉


  26. Careful – I’ve got a feeling he’ll be back within 2 years.. hopefully for a teeny, weeny fraction of £35m 😛


  27. In fact, wouldn’t if be great if he tanked at Liverpool, lost a bit of the ego (and another 3 blingy cars) and came back to confirm that he can only really perform for one club?

    Hey, ho. Friday-brain…..


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