One question for Mike Ashley!

Given the chance, what would you ask this man?
Writing articles for anything, be it a website, the local paper or just the Church Newsletter does not come easy for me.

I’m not particularly spontaneous so I have to grind these things out – usually with more rewrites than the American pre-season tour teamsheet. It’s amazing how many one liners end up binned because they just don’t fit the tone of the article, or more often than not they are just considered too offensive for a website that doesn’t include “Animal Sex” or “Cream Pie” as a pre-selectable search option. You also have to make sure that you find something that is of interest to the majority of the readers, not just the odd insomniac or the guy who talks to the pigeons at the Haymarket.

The “Carroll” money was an easy one. Not since Keegan left (for the second or third time) has there been something that has united the fans so much by dividing them.

How do you follow that up?

What is it that is guaranteed to get the fans going more than anything else?

So here it is.

You get to spend five minutes sitting down face to face with Ashley. What would you ask him?

Please note, I’m saying “what would you ask him?”, not “what would you hit him with?”

I suppose from his side there would be some kind of a requirement to ensure that some of you either had your hands tied behind your back or were actually chained to a wall or something, wore a muzzle perhaps, or were even separated from him by bullet-proof glass.

Understandable.

Then Ashley’s pet Gorilla – the one you always see sitting behind him at the match with the curly lead sticking out of his head – would probably prefer that you didn’t use phrases such as “you cockney tw*t”, or “prepare to die, you fat f*ck”, but I’m sure that’s something we could cope with.

So what would you ask?

His favourite colour? Which CDs he has in his helicopter perhaps? Why he gave up the glamour of life as a professional squash coach to become a billionaire? Or how about “what on earth made him think that he was in any way qualified to run a football club?”

There are a thousand and one possibilities. OK a thousand and two if you include what it feels like to have paid Alan Smith in the region of 8-10 million quid in wages over the last four years for being the oldest ball-boy in the Premiership.

Now it’s your turn.

Note from Toonsy – Well Done Archie Brand. I can see there being many ideas, some serious, some not so, about what people would really like to ask Mike Ashley. It’s just a shame the chubby turd won’t get asked any of them!

About toonsy

A lifelong Newcastle fan and current webmaster of this very 'blog who has the sole aim of creating a place by Newcastle United fans, for Newcastle United fans.

156 thoughts on “One question for Mike Ashley!

  1. Watching this Dortmund/Schalke game, we could do worse than looking at Chris Lowe.

    Gets stuck in, looks handy and is capable of swapping left wing and left back.

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  2. I would ask fancy gannin doon the big markt for a pint the neet ? bet the answer is no though . Would be mint if he did though 😈

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  3. Toonsy I got that mate I thought I replied 🙄 thanks it is a bit soft but sometimes its a break from banging stuff, I have had to listen to Slip knot, Linkin park etc for most of this week 👿

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  4. Slipknot and Linkin Park aren’t banging if you listen to some European stuff.

    They are positively chart friendly.

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  5. Funky they’re just not my sort stuff music mate, the banging stuff I was talking about was hard dance type stuff that I normally listen to in work 😉

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  6. i think when the lads get back on wed thats when we will the transfer crack will heat up , i think we shud defo go 4 zoggy , hes come on leaps and bounds and erding or shane long , out the 2 i think shane long would be easier to get , the erding story is dragging on abit now

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  7. Big Dave,

    The only stuff I hear at work is Radio 1. The same 9 songs looped every day for life.

    I swear to christ Ed Sheeran and Example’s most recent singles are subconsciously implanted into my mind.

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  8. Army all good mate hows the wee man doing good I hope 😉
    FJ I can listen to most music it just depends what mood im in, but I like Dance type stuff the most even though my kids say that im to old to be into dance music, but my wee Lad thinks its cool that I like Scooter 😆

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  9. Toonsy 😆 My wee lad has lots of Scooter stuff on his phone and there is fuk all like scooter to make me laugh and think of when I was younger and doing crazy **** 😉

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  10. 🙄 😆

    so is the game defo online? im gna watch it if so!! aye dave the little un is smashing , hes an absolute joy to have mate!!

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  11. Rihanna is a manky tramp who would do well to visit Amy Winehouse.

    Her best moment in music was written by Skylar Grey – who is only now being noticed for her musical talent.

    Miss Grey also being responsible for P Diddy, Eminem and Dr Dre’s best moments in music too.

    Talentless schyite in mainstream music today.

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  12. Give me one good reason why I shouldnt kick ten shades out of you now? 😉

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  13. Rihanna is a manky tramp 😯

    You mad? The things I would do to just see her naked in real life 😆

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  14. I can’t stand anything about her. She is totally useless.

    Also Spencer, I doubt you are “her type” so to speak considering what she’s said in interviews, lol.

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  15. FJ- I never said I was..

    I also doubt that anyone here could get close to her.

    We all have celebritys that we want to **** But know we never will.

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  16. I wasn’t being serious, calm down, lol.

    Just pointing out that she is public with how “picky” she is over guys.

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  17. If I could ask Mike Ashley one question, I’d ask him what the fk happened to mi bairn’s guinea pig, the weekend he was babysitting foriz.

    …seen nowt of him since. nee guinea pig neither, bit of gravy by the back door like, got the Feds on it.

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  18. aye, think hes going to get knocked out to be honest. Going to watch UFC after aswell, might be going down to birmingham in november with my brother, if the prices arent too steep.

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  19. I also found it funny how Chisora came in with a boy better know t-shirt on 😆

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  20. TOONSY I have read yr blogs for a long time. I Really enjoyed reading them I thought you came across a good bloke but what you just said you have no clue of what your saying about Addicts??? ADDICTS come in all shapes and sizes yr an “Idiot” and ignorant!!!!!! stick to what you no football blogs least you no what yr talking about unlike Addictive Personality yr comments prove this

    Have no time for people who end up addicted. Weak people who can change things but have no desire to. Losers basically [WRONG]

    Winehouse backs up my addicts are weak people theory that is a Pathetic Theory Judging every addict on Winehouse? So Bloody uneducated on Addictions and Addictive Personality or Addicted Disorders you sound like you are lacking knowledge of a Addiction Im a recovering Alcoholic & Addict clean for 8 years However i have addictive personality any thing i get in to hobbies? collecting dvds cds or whatever i go ovrt the top!!!! harmeless…. My Wife is a recovering alcoholic never drank for 12 years she replaced it with coffee Which is harmless and she is the strongest person no and no way a loser

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  21. Rodzilla, im normally one of the last off.

    Have you been on the drink like? 😆

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  22. Whoa whoa, Jimbob, av missed oot of any orlia arguments, but just glimpsed the Winehoos news. Addiction comes in many forms, and should never be mocked; from any angle.

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  23. Spencer, nee chance, ama neet porsin. niva miss noot.

    Jerbs, cheers, a like it subliminal.

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  24. Jimbob – Good for you. Well done.

    It took a few hours but I got a bite in the end 😆

    Look, fair play for turning your life around, and your mrs of course, but some people are just beyond help. Winehouse was one, Pete Docherty will be another, Gazza is another…… Obviously you had the strength to change things btu sadly others don’t, and that is what I mean by being weak.

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  25. This fury is better than I thought, 14 wins 10 by KO, hes 6’9 with a reach of 85 😯

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  26. This fight is why many people are leaving boxing and moving to MMA.

    Complete fighters who can fight in all styles, not just ***** slap and then lean on you.

    Fury would be emasculated by someone like Cain Velasquez or Antonio Silva in a matter of seconds.

    Randy Couture against James Toney proved boxers are nothing in combat sports these days.

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  27. FJ- MMA and UFC is better to watch imo.

    I like how you never really know what is coming next, like it could look like they are about to go for a punch, but they end up doing a flying knee to the face 😆

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  28. Why sell our two top goalscorers for a total of £39mil and then not reinvest part of the money on at least one top quality striker for the fans and the squad?

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  29. Toonsy, nee1 is ever beyond help mate,

    ..”Winehouse was one, Pete Docherty will be another, Gazza is another”

    you should know that FFS, you support the Toon.

    …either way, I think your “beyond help” quote was maybe a little rash.

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  30. Rod – If they don;t want to help themselves then to me they are beyond help as that is step one.

    Remember, I spent 8 years drinking day after day after day and nearly lost the lot, so for people to say that I don’t know what I’m on about is pure bollocks like when I’ve been through it and beat it myself.

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  31. I’ve loved MMA since it was just called No Holds Barred and Vale Tudo.

    Those guys are the most frightening people in sport. They can knock you out, snap a limb or choke you unconscious without breaking a sweat. They win EVERY cross-style fight organised and they are just bad people.

    Boxing has been exposed as an old fashioned sport, both in effectiveness, style and financially as MMA is blitzing boxing in terms of PPV buy rates globally.

    The only time boxing draws is when Mayweather, Manny Pacquio or Klitschko fight. Outside that, no one can even name a boxer these days.

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  32. Not to mention the countless deaths and major brain injuries in Boxing.

    MMA fights can end in seconds without a punch being thrown. For such a violent looking sport visually, the health statistics for it prove it to be the safest option.

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  33. Toonsy I was going to have a go at ye earlier but I had a funny feeling you expected me to bite 😉

    Jimbob good on you and your mrs mate I have been dry for over 10 yrs now and yeah I know all about the addictive personality everything I do has to be giving 100% lol. I generally find that most people that have had an addiction with drink or drugs tend to be the same type of people, I believe its in your genes and there’s fuk all you can do except to accept thats the type of person you are and try to live with it the best way you can. I never believe that I am over it I just wake up every morning and think right im not going to have a drink or a smoke of wacky today, I try to not get to far ahead.
    So Jimbob all the best to you and the Mrs 😉

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  34. Rodz – My comment was aimed at that one @ 113 who felt fit to have a go and insist I don’t know what I’m talking about. The fact that I’ve been there and done it, and have no respect for those who can’t do the same as me, is my point.

    Addictions are an excuse for a real underlying issue, whichever that may be. There is a trigger point. You don;t suddenly think “oh I’m going to get high on crack today and maybe get addicted”. Something starts it off. The addictiveness is a result of it and to beat it you have to fist want to, then secondly fond what triggered it in the first place. Easy peasy once you do that.

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  35. Forster-R Taylor-Coloccini-S Taylor-Tavernier-Gosling-Smith-Tiote-Jonas-Best Lovenkrands

    Team for the neet.

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  36. Not much of a creative spark in the midfield in terms of spliting the defence open with a pass.

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  37. Hmm, It’ll be good to see Gosling play.

    Abeid, Vuckic and Marveaux will be good introductions too

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