Gervinho sees red.
I hope they appreciate that they already exceeded their quota with regard to his availability this season.
On the opening day of the season we took on the mighty Arse and came away with a point.
Almost a result one might say.
Obviously the quality of the football is not the talking point here but lets at least try and talk about the match before we get into the other stuff.
Rather strangely – we get the same number of points for this one as we got for the 4-4 draw, but that is where the similarities end. Unless you include the fact that in both games Arsenal had a stroppy foreigner sent off for sending Joey Barton tumbling to the ground.
Coincidence?
The match.
Tim Krul – 6
A good save from Walcott and a dropped a cross that was fortunately cleared off the line by Danny Simpson were top and bottom of an otherwise uneventful day for Tim. Needs stickier gloves if he wants to keep the shirt.
I see Given played a blinder for Villa. Looks like that move to Man City paid off.
Ryan Taylor – 7
Did well standing in for Enrique – good distribution but was fleeced more than once by Gervinho. Personally I think he takes a better free kick than Joey Barton, and has a lot more chance of making it through the 90 minutes. Just needs a run in the team.
Fabricio Coloccini – 8
Put in a good shift but was out of position a couple of times, which you can’t really afford to do with Gervihno. He read the game well and appeared in all the right places whe required. I love the way the kid who went out on the pitch with him before kick off had the same hair.
Steven Taylor – 7
An excellent performance was overshadowed by two things. On 26 minutes he thought he was Jose Enrique and tried to dribble the ball out through their midfield brick wall, instantly losing it and setting Arsenal up with their best chance. Then he had his little bout of primary school amateur dramatics when Barton took the girly slap from Gervinho. It was hard to decide if Taylor was trying to persuade the ref that Barton had been slapped with the palm of Gervinho’s elbow, or if he was practising his Bagpipes technique while doing Nolan’s Chicken Dance. Either way he should be ashamed.
Danny Simpson – 7
A reasonable performance, but most of the threats were coming either through the middle or down the other side. Think he drew the long straw on the day.
Joey Barton – 6
Emerging from the tunnel with a haircut that made him virtually indistinguishable from Bert, Ernie’s mate out of Sesame Street, it would have been interesting to see who Joey would have quoted on Twitter to justify his performance against the Arse.
There was the odd touch that was impressive – but the one where he dragged Gervinho off the ground by his nipples probably wasn’t one of them. I appreciate that Gervinho’s real name is Gervaise but still!
Admittedly, in a scene straight out of “Life Of Brian”, Gervinho had previously “Thwown himself woughly to the gwound” when not tackled , or even touched for that matter, by Ryan Taylor. Does anyone else find it amusing that Barton has come out and accused Gervinho of being a cheat? This is based on the fact that he went down in the box almost as easily as Barton did when “Gervaise” slapped him.
Yes, Joey had already been stamped on by Song and probably wasn’t in his “Happy Place”, but his overreaction to the dive probably overstepped the bounds of “just helping him to his feet”.
I suppose we should be thankful Barton didn’t light up a cigar.
While this may not be the end of Joey Barton’s Newcastle career, I at least hope it’s the end of all the “he had an illness but now he’s OK” excuses, that everyone is making for him.
Yohan Cabaye – 6
Cabaye had so many passes, flicks and dribbles that nearly came off that I nearly gave him a 10. But they didn’t. So he gets a 6. A bit of a false start from the man who was seriously overhyped during the summer. Cabaye had a couple of good touches but still disappointed.
Jonas Guttierez -7
Nothing outstanding but a reasonable effort. Lots of being fouled mixed with a blend of running around and getting back. As is always the case with Jonas, he appeared to make the effort and not many others did that yesterday.
Cheik Tiote – 6
Another disappointment. Unfortunately we expect so much from Tiote and on this occasion got so little. The downside of his consistently high performances is that the bar is set so high.
Demba Ba – 5
Ba was slow, always found himself surrounded and didn’t seem to have a first touch. My first impression was that we had found another Shola. I think the fact that Ba was substituted and Ameobi left on speaks volumes of his debut.
When the manager thinks that Shola has a chance of scoring and you don’t, you know it hasn’t gone well.
The only thing that saved Cabaye from getting a slating is that I wanted to save a little venom from Ba. I kinda half hope that he had flu or something.
This is one Ba that needs to be raised a lot higher.
Shola Ameobi – 6
With his usual mixture of falling down and a second touch like a pissed Rhino, Shola had a couple of good touches but these were seriously outnumbered by events of a less than impressive nature.
Sub – Gabriel Obertan – 9
This is what a debut should be all about. Energy, pace and skill. For once, a bright light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t a train. 45 minutes was not enough. I can only assume the only reason he didn’t get a start is because he was still unpacking his boots. His flick to Cabaye was a corker. Look forward to many more.
If we can pick up a couple more “top four rejects” of this quality, bring ‘em in.
Sub – Leon Best – 7
Came on for Shola around 72 minutes. Didn’t get much exposure, but showed a bit more enthusiasm than the Ameobi twins.
Sub – Peter Lovenkrands – 5
Not his fault – he was hardly on long enough to make an impression. Personally – can’t remember him getting on the end of anything. A bit like Ba.
Manager – Alan Pardew – 6
Don’t think we had a plan (except for Joey’s). Marking was appalling and we had no idea how to move forward. Putting Ameobi and Ba up front together was either a sign of a lack of anything resembling a clue, or sheer desperation.
Obviously some players need to “settle in” while others just need to “step up”.
Despite this little hiccup, I still think we can do a job against the Great Unwashed next week and get the season up and running.
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90 Comments
No way Jonas was a 7….unless your giving scores for anonymity
Harsh on Lovenkrands to i think…puts in 100% everytime he pulls on the shirt…Colo MOM spot on…Barton more a 7…did you mark him down for the pulling up of Gervinho?
witter for me jonas is one of the best performer that day..he was everywhere and never stop running
I’d say that assessment was pretty much spot on…
Although I’d give the new boys a bit of time to adjust and feel AWEFULLY sorry for the like of Cabaye who is looking to play quality through balls to a striker like Ameobi – who is just useless at off the ball play and looking to get in behind a defense.
Shola is a decent target man, and useless at everything else. Only ever good as a backup player. He is lazy on the pitch and slow as shite.
Showed why we need an attacker with some quality. Very poor show going forward I have to say.
Why the hell were we playing 4-4-2? Surely with the current squad we should play 5 in the midfield.
I’d like to Gervinho 9 out of 10 for the unique way he attempts to hide his baldy nappa
I agree with RonT. And JJ about the new lads.
It seems to me that the one wow signinging may in fact turn out to be Obertan. The lad seems to have pace to burn and tricky skills…has sneaked in quietly while Pardew and the rest of the bunch were creaming themselves over Cabaye, Mr T etc…. Look forward to seeing the lad tear it up against the Makkems, though I fear maybe Pardew sees him at the moment as an “impact substitution”…….hey …bullshit bingo….!
A well written assessment Archie, accurate and witty
yes, I know I shouldnt laugh but when cinder-toffee-boned Dyer fell, I couldnt restrain myself..poor lad
Agree we should have played 4-5-1 against Arsenal, our central midfield were overrun with Cabaye still adapting and Tiote a little unfit.
Disagree with your verdict on Simmo, I think he started the game very well and the reason they didnt play down his side is because of this.
Also Jonas I would give an 8, defensively he helped out Raylor hugely.
Cabaye should be on set pieces from now on.
Yippeee Bank Holiday in Jaaarmany……!! blog time folks….!!
Where’s Boby Shinton at ?
I didnt realise Cabaye was half the size of Emre. hope he doesnt get bullied in the middle of the park, looked a little light weight.
we should have played4-5-1..with gosling on…didnt change it.when we wr getting over run..in the first 25 mintes…tiot was well off the pace…needed 2 come off b4 he got a yellow..we had the same team like last season…did he play it safe..yes..but arsenal wr thier 4 the taken..when they went down 2 10 men…
I think a point from Arsenal at home bearing in mind the idiotic pre-season we had is a great result. What did the fans really expect, that we outplay champions league club Arsenal with Samba Football similar to the entertainers years ? We have a team filled with new players who need to gel…..
Now, if we don’t approach the Sunderland game with the right attitude, and give a poor showing, then we will ALL have something to say about it… watch this space !
Dont get the part of us not having a plan???? We set out to try and keep it tight and then if possible hit them on the counter, and we did that well if I’m not mistaken. We had just as many shots on/off goal as Arsenal which would suggest we did create something. I know we werent leathal but neither was Arsenal down to the fact that we kept it tight and nearly everything that went in our six yard box was dealt with either by Krul or Colo/Taylor.
I see True Faith are banging the “sack Pardew if we lose at Sunderland” drum
Very Harsh on Ba and Cabaye!!
Ba cant do anything if he never gets the ball and when Cabaye did get the ball he did well but he had no one making runs other than Ba.
Did you not see Ba play last season? To compare him to Ameobi is just wrong.
I think I have found an instructual video that has been used by Barton and Gervinho
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRO626ImQek
@Toonsy I think the point they are making is that if we lose at Sunderland, and we go there without a new striker and a left back then it is unforgivable. Which I am inclined to agree with as he has had how many months now to find a Carroll replacement, and surely he was aware that Jose was going to leave before the deal went through.
But on the other side of the coin what is sacking him going to achieve? No matter who manages us, I can’t see them being allowed full control over the transfers by Mike Ashley.
So I’ll be pee’d off if we lose at Sunderland, but not surprised, and if the blame has to go with anyone it’s not Pardew but the people above him.
Mark…good point mate…Marveux also looks like a wee lad….
Alan Pardew…that vid is SO freakin funny…!
I think the title should be changed to “Archies Miserable, Depressing, Mackem Assessment”.
Where was Marveux?
Munich Mag –
I do however, have no doubt that some club actually do pratice this stuff 
Crappypunk – Lacking in match fitness apparently.
Nottsgeordie – Why? Is Archie not entitled to say it how he saw it? I think Raylor was wank, does that make me a Mackem aswell?
Dimps – Then why aren’t they directing their ire to the men above him then? They’ve had no qualms about repeatedly doing that before. It’s just putting unnecessary pressure on the manager – they are making him the scapegoat.
And apparently Jonas was one of our best performers…I must have been making a cup of tea when that happened
The unwashed looked a decent/settled side on Sat, considering they havent played 2gether much, I think its fair to say they had a better pre-season than us.
Brown always reminds me of Woodgate, calm and assured, i doubt he’ll last half a season and they have their own Barton, in Cattlemole, must be one of the most overrated players in the prem. get Barton to wind him up early & we’re playng 10 men
hopefully we’ll have a new striker by then and pieters is onboard..
@18 NottsGeordie Not harsh on Ba at all, we all know Shola is a poor player but on Saturday he did a hell of a lot more with the ball then Ba did, which is why Ba was took off.
Harsh on Cabaye? Na. He was extremely weak in the tackle and bottled at least 3 fifty fifties. He also recieved the ball on the edge of the Arsenal box 3 times and was in a great position to shoot or set up someone, but instead he passed it to an Arsenal player.
@26 Fair point, Pardew is basically a puppet at the moment, so you will gain nothing by sacking him.
@AlanPardewProject
LOL
I see Joey was on twitter again, he ended up being in the huff from the abuse he got. Dont know why any player would used twitter, the abuse they get is unreal.
@Toonsy
Hes moaning about a draw against Arsenal which is a good result.
Saying we didnt have a plan when the plan was too get a draw and it worked.
Giving Ba a 5 when he didnt even get a chance to show what he could do. He would if scored if Ameobi had put him through when he should of
Giving Cabaye a 6 and saying he was dissapointing and over hyped when the way we played was always going to make him look bad as he needs to get the ball and play passes but he didnt get the ball.
A very blinkered article if you don’t mind me saying, revealing your prior opinions of the players rather than their performance on the day.
Jonas, as mentioned elsewhere, put in a real shift for the team. Colo and Saylor were terrific (just as well) A lot of LB’s this season are going to have a lot of difficulty with “Gervaise” so much of the criticism of Raylor from bloggers over the weekend is a tad unwarranted. Barton did nothing special and I hope that Pardew gives Cabaye dead ball responsibility. Cabaye just needs to get up to speed as does Tiote. Ba and Shola? – One of them hopefully will get better (the other won’t!). The big plus was Obertan – wow – how quick is he? – and control! Having just read your article again I agree in the main with your ratings after all (bit harsh on Pardew who I feel did pretty well against a slick opponent).
Dermot Gallagher – former PL ref – just got it spot on on Sky. If it was Barton who stamped he’d have been off even if the ref didn’t see it.
Mark…cos Barton is an attention seeking thug mate…it’s part of his rehabilitation, he likes the abuse, fits in with his “everyone hates me” image….a one man Millwall if you ask me…
I would of given Raylor a 5.5, I hate it when he’s running sideways with a player, defending, he always gets outfoxed.
Tony Toon
August 15, 2011 at 10:37
“so much of the criticism of Raylor from bloggers over the weekend is a tad unwarranted.”
I knaa. At least I’ve had the view that he is wank from day one
so who’s top of the fantasy lge then after the weeknd
TheDimpleboy
Pardew actually said he took off Ba because no one was passing him the ball when he was making runs.
Gallagher spot on again. Should have been two yellows, until Gervinho raised his hands and regardless of how easy Barton went down.
Toonsy are we gonna get a link to the fantasy footy from the blog
BB – Still one game to go tonight so don’t think the scores update until after that
@MM
very tru mate, one of the comments last night was Joey’s always bragging about how many followers he has, its like the Elephant man bragging about how many people stare at him. lol
but the amount of abuse is staggering. 80% of his followers abuse him. Even Pier morgan was trading blows last nite..
@NottsGeordie Don’t make me get Moreno out…
Toonsy…D Gallagher also said it was a yellow card for each player until gervinho slapped him.
D Gallagher also showing the Sky Sports commentator up as a complete tw@t
I’d be surprised if Pardew is here at end of season with this regime…but despite his flaws you have to admire anybody who takes the managers job at this club at the minute….he’s a puppet its obvious…but if he can pull of a win next Saturday TF will be kissing his backside no doubt
Sounds like Dermott Galagher got it pretty much spot on….
oh aye yes forgot about the sovereign state of manc ali baba city. Doh!
found our forward?
http://www.skysports.com/story/0,,11678_7102519,00.html
Steve Wraith….I reckon that the makkem derby may have come too soon for Pardew and his currently apparently make-shift team. We need to avoid defeat at ALL COSTS otherwise he and the team will be put under extreme pressure by our fans……
Cannot wait for the derby game, it’s gonna be a real hard fought affair. If the game ends with 22 players on the pitch I’ll be really surprised…
Howay the lads… !!!
Take a point of every one except the defence and goalkeeper and the assessments about right. Maybe two off Obertan cos you really overcooked his score.
We had like one shot on target, less possession and a worse passing percentage. You were too generous to the midfield and forwards.
so like peeps have said, it will be someone no one ever linked with us
Agree with Dimple. Want the new lads to do well but they weren’t even close to playing the way the can
Oh yeah you overated Raylor too.
spot on toonsy..taylor is wank…if gervinho ball had been better..then we would all be saying different..simpson wasnt great either…he just doesnt do it 4 me..he doesnt have much control of the football and when he does..he panics and hoofs it anywhere…
Mark….another “risky” French signing perhaps ?
Looks like PSG are gonna destroy the French League with there new found riches…? Hoying money around like crazy…though as we all have seen it doesn’t necessarily mean success for PSG…average start so far..
Steve,
I recorded the game on ESPN to watch when I got back up the road, must say I would have been well impressed with Pards interview with them regarding the board.
If he hadn’t lied in the past of course…
If Gervinho couldn’t get himself sorted against a radge makeshift left back like Raylor then thank flock we didn’t waste 10 million quid on the bloke…
Im always confident going to SOL Munich Mag…i’m buzzing now and its only Monday…I saw enough on Saturday to suggest this lot won’t crumble at the Dark Place…With Barton in the starting 11 and Shola I see a goal or two and a lot of makem baiting…Krul to save a penalty and Tayls to notch in a 3-1 win cmonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Ive never quite understood this pardew is a puppet analogy…just found the following definition:
a person, group, government, etc., whose actions are prompted and controlled by another or others.
Surely this applies to all football managers so I can only conclude the word ‘puppet’ is used in a derogatory sense & as a means to undermine Pardew & the ‘regime’.
anyway oberton…he did a great trick on halfway line and took 2 players out..he then stud on the halfway line and didnt run 2 get it back..he would have been clean trou..i was going mad..lazy boy…but at the time i said something i am not going 2 repeat..
Witters,
I reckon the analogy was probably born of the fact when you saw his mouth moving someone else’s words were coming out his gob…
Anyway, I am giving him a clean slate so need to stop that sort of thing…Howay Le Pards
Steve Wraith…hope you’re right mate….the hair on the back of my neck is starting to stand up noo and it’s only Monday !!!
Hope next door’s cat keps out of the way or I’ll give him a reet Barry John…not that I’m turning aggressive or owt like, just 5under1and bring out the best in me…
Hope we can get a result, all the more so for that plastic Geordie they have in charge, never liked him after what he said during his time at Man Utd…
@MM It could be another ‘risky’ Frenchman. It’s good to have 1or2 in the mix but relying on too many may cost us points.
If reports are true about Odemwingie, I’d defo take a punt, may be 30 but its for now, fu** the future we have enuff young’un to see out the future. SkySpts r reporting we’re keen.
Moreno…in my opinion although Pardew has talked the talk a lot, he’s in a tough position with this owner. Impressed with the way he backed up his boys, and JB in recent interviews. The bloke seems to maybe be coming to terms with handling the media ?
Toonsy i’ve saved me article as a draft, so you can use it when you want
Witters
I consider Pards to be a puppet. I doubt he has any say at Ncle. MA only employs ppl that do as they’re told. AP, JK, and CH were all very happy at managing the mighty mags as long as they toed-the-line..imo the only one that dared seek clarification of their role was sacked, Keegan
MM,
I think he is starting to realise that his stock is important with the fans and past actions and comments haven’t helped him.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a new board plan to have Pardew slightly anti-board in front of the media to get fans on his side. It’s a good plan too.
For the first time this morning I watched that interview where he was on about disagreements with Mike and Dekka and, whether true or not, I thought to myself ‘thats exactly what you should be saying’
Rather than the old ‘Mikes spent so much
money and improved training etc etc…’
im happy to give pardew a chance…hes the man in charge and he should get our support….he seems to be out of loop re: whos staying or going at the club…rather concerning when he’s the boss?
but I must add, I’m more than happy with puppet-boy Pards as its defo the best we could get under MA. thats not being negitive or doom mongering, just the truth.
MM @ 65 I agree , Pardew has definatly improved with his interviews. Really happy with him. THink he is doing a good job
NottsGeordie – I marked Ba on what he did, not what he might have done, and basically he did, bugger all.
The marking was non-existent, and I might have been swayed by your agrument that we created the same number of opportunities as they did if it had been more than 2.
Sounds like you are saying that the Arse were sh!te and we were just as good as them. Still make’s it sh!te in my book.
Sorry but I write it as I saw it, and what I saw was sh!te
Tried to end on a positive note, and if you check the beginning I did suggest it was a good result.
ah well , suns oot, time to dust doon the mankini and head for the beach with the bairns, adios
Toon Toon
Steve Wraith – Then Arsene Wenger is also out of loop?????
Pardew’s just trying to do his best within the constraints placed upon him…like most managers in the league
I wonder how Gosling feels, after very good performances in the pre season friendlies he doesn’t get into that side and wasn’t even used as sub.
Tony Toon – Agree with what you said about Saylor, Jonas and Colo that why they got 2 sevens and an 8.
I don’t give 9s and 10s for just turning up.
Steve – yes Barton’s antics affected his rating – do you think it shouldn’t?
If he’d been sent off we might have struggled to 90 minutes.
Probably p1ssed off Mick G
Yeh i take your point folks…managers dont make decisions these days….but Pardew has mugged himself off with interviews after AC’s departure re: money being spent which it clearly hasn’t been…
I thought Barton was just behind Colo for MOM mate….but can see why you marked him down…
Pootle – so you disagree then??
First time I’ve EVER been called generous with the marks
Need to go away and have a major rethink.
Have built a reputation on being a miserable tw@t
In Pardews defence, if he was told all the cash would go on players he was entitled to believe it just as alot of fans did…..then like us he was made to look a tw@t. He hasn’t lied because it’s only a lie if you deliberatly mislead, I don’t think he did…I think he’s maybe starting to learn. I have to say as well, that I am scared sh!tless who we’d get in if Pardew ever does go……anyway, all the crap will be forgotten when we hup the dorty filthy inbreds at the weekend…..for a day or so anyway
Archie…..to be fair, it is a well earned rep
Steve – I would think that Pardew’s brief is to try for top 10 finish and if he comes anywhere near that then he’s safe.
He was hand picked and there’s no way “The Management” have any more tame managers up their sleeves so he’s safe.
Unless Kinnear is feeling better
Richie – cheers for your “support” mate
Richietoon@81…spot on there mate…
god not kinnear
Steve….that’s why I fear Pardew going because I fear it’ll be Jfk who comes in.
Archie…..ya know I’m only joking, Munich isn’t though, he’s a tw@t like that
…Munich bank hol here too 
Richietoon….ya cheeky monkey ya….!
Get some factor 25 slapped on ya heed mate, too much sun isn’t ower good for ya… Ower here it’s parnying at the moment…at least it prevents wor lass sending is oot in the garden….just spotted a Japanese sniper doon there, need to get the lownmower out…
Steve Wraith…kin ‘el if Kinnear came back oh god no….
I lolled at Ameobi twins!!
4-5-1 against the mackems, Best to spearhead, Obertan starts.
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