In my few short months posting on this particular ‘blog I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to let the excitement die down a little before writing a review.
After all, beating QPR 1-0 is hardly our greatest achievement of the season, or of the week even, but anything short of 10s all round and three Hail Sholas is considered treason.
Waiting turned out to be a mistake as a whole new load of excitement has just surfaced, as Ashley has surprised us all and splashed a decent amount of cash on a striker, but hey – lets do the review anyway.
In the 4th Century B.C. the great Greek philosopher Aristotle was convinced that the Earth was the centre of the universe.
A generation after he popped his clogs – sorry, popped his sandals – an Astronomer and Mathematician by the name of Aristarchus (another Greek by the way) put forward the suggestion that the Earth actually rotated around the sun. Incredible considering that Greece didn’t even have internet at the time.
Does anyone else think that if the Greek Job Centres had placed a few more Plumbers and Electricians and a few less Astronomers and Philosophers their economy might be a little more robust today?
Deviating slightly, in the late ‘60s that well know Party Animal and Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking sat down with a couple of his mates after a skinfull and came up with the “Big Bang Theory” which curiously has nothing at all to do with a bang of any description.
Their theory leads us to the conclusion that there is no centre of the universe as such, which, it has been argued, also implies that everywhere then becomes the centre.
As a bit of a part time philosopher and armchair astrophysicist and I would like to suggest that there is a centre of the universe but it is in fact a constantly changing variable which is influenced by factors as diverse as random positron annihilation through gravitational time dilation and on to the number of times some perv types “Kim Kardashian’s Tits” into Ask Jeeves.
On Sunday, as the planets lined up perfectly, the pervs got online and all other factors combined, for 90 minutes the Centre of the Universe was inarguably Fabricio Coloccini.
And you wondered where this was going.
While we may have been under pressure in the first 20 minutes, we remained fairly calm, and despite the shots rattling in towards Krul the goal remained relatively unthreatened and we survived.
He may not have been the only one who played well, but he was the only one who didn’t put a foot wrong. It would be interesting to see how many times he touched the ball. A masterclass.
Mark Hughes – a man who in his day could teach Coloccini a thing or 2 about a hairdo – brought little to St James Direct Parking Sports Arena other than his once famous penchant for sticking the boot in.
Hughes, never known for his faint-hearted tackling, appears to have quickly stamped his mark on his team, who in turn attempted to stamp theirs on ours. Fair play to the lads, who apart from a bit of a French Moment, didnt react.
Late in the second half I got a text from a mate who is from……errrr…….mmm….. daaan saaaf somewhere. He told me where he was from when we first met but I honestly couldn’t see any benefit in actually remembering the whole word.
He claims to be a fan of the game but as he uses words like “rambunctious”, “incipient” and “Nottingham Forest” I very much doubt it.
Well, at least he made the effort to watch the game, so I’ll be polite.
He texted “Watched the first 20 mins, then fell asleep. Woke up 63 mins into the game. Is this the plan – bore the opposition to death?”
He had a point. We certainly lacked oomph.
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty.
Colo’s overall performance. Best’s composure for the goal. Our offside line.
It would be interesting to see Colo’s stats for the game. Superb performance.
He’s put in a few good supporting roles lately but I’m not a great fan of Leon Best. However – have to say that the flick and the step inside were seriously cool. Lets not get carried away. I’d guess that with a pair of Demba’s and healthy Ben Arfa Leon will be struggling for a game.
If there’s one thing guaranteed to piss me off in a game it’s the stranded defender thrusting himself into the Gay Bullfighter pose, hand up looking for the offside flag. Hand up where you may well ask.
But in fairness to the defence they were well co-ordinated and stepped up well. It makes a big difference when the offside works.
Ameobi’s general performance, Santon’s contribution
I’ve seen a couple of reports that refer to how well Ameobi held the ball up front and shielded it. I may have believed it if I hadn’t actually watched the game. “…held the ball up front, shielded it and gave it away” would have been nearer the mark.
With a success rate of around 1 in 5 Shola didn’t contribute a lot and even beat Jonas as our main means of handing the ball over to the opposition further down the field.
No doubt the Santon fans will be up in arms but he was right behind Shola when it came to losing the ball. Yes he’s just a youngster but he’s trying too hard to be Enrique, dribbling where the boot would do, and coming up short.
QPRs tactics had the Ugly award sewn up right up until about 11 minutes from time when the cameras picked up the fan in the red crocheted hat with a fur lined jacket from a bad 60s porn movie.
OK Derry’s tackle on Cabaye wasn’t pretty, but he hardly touched him. I know this because David Pleat said so in the commentary. This is the guy who said that Ben Arfa had “Somehow hurt his shoulder” when he broke his leg, so it must be true.
As Cabaye, showing the commitment of an Italian Cruise Liner Captain, opted for the warmth of the treatment room Ben Arfa put his best foot forward, stepped up to the plate, grabbed the bull by the horns and seized the moment.
Some day I’ll have a crack at writing a full review using nothing but clichés.
There were a few pretty decent displays but we struggled to turn them into anything of substance, hardly surprising considering Tiote, Ba and Cabaye were out. Hey – Ho – the points still count
I sometimes have problems figuring out why we give teams so much space for what seems hours, then suddenly we know how to close them down. There again I have problems figuring out what is actually funny about Ricky Gervais.
The purchase of Cisse is encouraging, as it appears that someone has finally got through to the bean counters that you have to speculate to accumulate, and the push for Europe has finally started, albeit 5 months behind everyone else.
I was a bit concerned when, as the window approached in late December, Ashley advertised Sports Direct all around SJP by saying “Sale Now On – Everything Must Go”, but it now looks like that was only in his stores, not on the park.
With our new found defensive confidence, a midfield as tricky as a Taliban Visa application and almost 3 decent strikers, its going to be an interesting 3 or 4 months.