Even with another three points on the board it has recently become increasingly difficult to write anything constructive about the performances of our beloved Toon.
As a born and bred Toon supporter I have recently refrained from resorting to the negative as I know that some of you, as new age liberalists, are incapable of processing anything that does not conform to the positive reinforcement, warm pat-on-the-back, smile till your cheeks crack crap that seems to be the norm these days.
I watched the game and have to say that with the exception of Demba Ba and Papiss Cisse I hardly came away impressed. OK, so Tim Krul pulled off a few more stunning saves but that particular slice of stunning has become the norm.
So – as they say in this neck of the woods – “What to do, yanni?”
As I meander through yet another alternative for my alternative assessments I have this time ventured into the rather specialized field of genealogy.
I found it to be particularly interesting for about three minutes so some of what you are about to read may be less than 100% accurate, but I hope that despite one or two slight factual inaccuracies you may find this thought provoking and possibly mirthful.
I have researched the meaning of the names of the boys who turned out, if not up, against Norwich, and was quite surprised how apt some of the meanings turned out to be.
Papiss – a common word used all over Africa meaning “father”
Cisse – a derogative sleight implying an embellished or even effeminate style of movement.
Papiss Cisse becomes the Father of Elegance.
Pretty straight forward. Let’s see how it goes.
A word of warning though. After that last performance don’t expect too many compliments for the players.
Tim, full name Timothae, unfortunately named after Timotei the Norse god of hair products, and Krul as in cruel, as in bad.
Basically a bad hair day for our keeper
Contraction of “Simp Is On”. Merely and interpretation, not an opinion.
Williams as in “Bills” as in “Old Bills” as in “Plods, plus “on”
Williamson – “Plods-on”
“Colo”, contraction of “co-located”, and “ccini” – variation of “ccino” meaning frothy top (cappu-ccino)
So if you are Williamson, Coloccini is basically someone playing alongside you with a frizzy head.
Jonas – from Hebrew meaning “he who destroys”. Guttierez. The “ez” suffix indicates “son of”, “of” “from” or “by”. Guttierez is from the South American Yeismo dialect meaning “descending”
Jonas Guttierez quite literally means “He who destroys by falling over”.
Yohan – variation of Ecclesiastic Late Latin “Joannes” with religious overtones, essentially meaning “Is Great”.
Cabaye – a derivation of the Peruvian word cabayt which refers to a specific calendar period, thought to be 29 days – the Incan equivalent of a month.
Yohan Cabaye literally translates to mean “Is Great, but not for 2 or 3 weeks”
A name that stems from the scrap trade in the late 20s, a “Guthrie” was a useful object of great value which for some reason was completely overlooked, and discarded.
A fish out of water – very similar to a Guppy.
Hatem Ben Arfa
Hatem – from the Aramaic word for “hirsuit” or “hairy”.
The word “hat” originated from this word – a contraction of the original, meaning “to cover the hair”
Ben in Arabic means “son” but also means “small boy”
Arfa is an old Egyptian word for a supplier of hardware to the clothing trade. Things like mannequins and sewing machines.
So Hatem Ben Arfa is interpreted as “the little hairy boy selling dummies”.
Demba is a gambling term. A Demba is a bet that doesn’t seem to make any sense, like betting on a horse to win when it has never had a top five finish in a three horse race.
A Demba So is a no hope bet with one additional complication. That would be the equivalent of betting on QPR to win the league, knowing that Joey Barton has just been given a cigar and told to sort out youth morale.
A Demba Ba is a no hope bet with multiple complications. A bit like taking a player with a chronic knee injury, who is being almost given away by a team being relegated, whose agent wants a fortune, and who has already been rejected by Stoke.
Sometimes when a Demba Ba comes in and you can win big time.
Alan is a relatively modern name coming originally from the Arabic greeting “Ahlan Wa Salan” which means “welcome”
Pardew is a contraction of the French “Part – Deux” or Part Two, or, in this case conveniently the “second half”
Alan Pardew is telling us “Here’s the second half and you’re welcome to it”
Now for an in depth match report that I think covers all aspects that need to be considered.
“How we weren’t a hatful up by halftime amazes me, and how we didn’t throw it all away in the second half is also astonishing.”
I think that about sums it up.
Two things to finish with.
First – How does a “hatful” mean “lots” when you can only get one head in a hat? Surely a hatful should be one?
You don’t say “I’ve got a scrotumful of beers then pull out a six-pack, do you? Unless you live near the Nuclear Power Station waste pipe.
Secondly – the rumour that our owner has been having an affair with Hollywood actress turned out to be a misunderstanding.
What actually happened is that someone had spotted Cisse’s paycheck lying on Ashley’s desk.
A bit like the time when the police arrested Barton because they thought they’d overheard him planning a double assault an actress, when in fact he was just boasting that he was going to humiliate one of our midfielders in training the following day.
Apparently what he is thought to have said was “I’m going to f***in’ nutmeg Ryan”.
Oh well. Let’s just sit back and wait for the next one.