Hatem Ben Arfa….take a bow! Were Newcastle fans the only ones that weren’t surprised at his performance v West Brom though?! The magician has been hailed a ‘pioneer’ of the midlands victory, but the Toon faithful have watched the French enigma build since his return from injury and it looks as though he is finally blooming into the talent we were all hoping he was!
However, as threatful as HBA, Ba and Cisse were, it was also at the other end where NUFC looked promising. In Fabricio Coloccini, Newcastle have an experienced and confident Premier League leader, and the talent of the Argentinian showed when he was reluctantly substituted at half time due to a hamstring injury.
The Magpies simply didn’t look the same. The absence of the stability and leadership of Colo unnerved Mike Williamson, and Davide Santon’s performance showed why he was left on the bench in the first place. The anxiousness in the defensive unit was highlighted most when West Brom scored their consolation goal.
Newcastle now face the daunting task of approaching the next 2-4 weeks without their instrumental captain, and with the possibility of Europe becoming ever more real, Newcastle could do with anything but this loss right now!
NUFC_Stats looked into the data for their illustrious captain, comparing him to others at Newcastle, in the Premier League and even himself!
At NUFC this season:
In terms of tackling duties, 6 players actually make more than Captain Colo per game – he prefers to intercept, making the 3rd most per game on average at the club. One of the benefits of that, is that he doesn’t foul! 7 playing regulars make more fouls per game than the Argentinian.
Despite Colo’s leadership qualities, it is Mike Williamson who organises the line the best when it comes to pushing out. He wins more offsides per game than any other NUFC player (2.5) – Coloccini wins 1.6 per game on average.
Williamson and Steven Taylor make more clearances per game than the Newcastle Captain, but only Taylor makes more shot blocks on average (2 to 0.7 resepctively), although Colo has played in significantly more games this season.
When it comes to passing, Colo notches the 6th most average passes per game (33.3) and only Davide Santon from the regular starters has a better passing accuracy – 83.4%. Finally, Colo produces the 3rd most outfield long balls per game on average (3.2) after Danny Guthrie and Cheik Tiote.
Against the Premier League others:
Colo v the other current top 10 regular centre halves
When compared to the most appearing centre halves from the other of the current top 10 Premier League clubs, Colo’s stats are somewhat daunting. Other than tackling and winning offsides (showing NUFC’s high line and weakness to pace), he features around the middle band for everything else other than clearances for which he is the worst of the bunch.
Notice the strengths in Laurent Koscielny’s numbers and the passing credentials of John Terry and Ashley Williams. Fabricio Coloccini is an astute figure at Newcastle United but standing ‘toe to toe’ with the best and most regular in the Premier League, he isn’t outshining anyone.
Compared to his first season:
Having said that, the Black & White faithful will testify to the improvement and development of Fabricio Coloccini since his arrival to NUFC in 2008. In his first season in the Premier League, the Argentine was anything but a confident figure, many criticising his laid back approach and his ability to deal with the physicality the league offers.
Colo - First season
Colo - This season
Colo - Comparison graph
The most significant improvements can be seen in the likes of his ‘ball winning’ capabilities. Whilst his ground 50-50 win percentage is slightly lower this season, he has improved his general tackling ability but more prominently, his aerial aptitude.
He no longer makes the mistakes he did on arrival; no errors this season compared to 4 in his first, and that confidence his filtered into his possession game – his passing accuracy over 8% better.
It doesn’t stop there; Colo’s attacking game has developed considerably also. He has more opportunities at goal nowadays and gets into positions where he can create more chances than he previously did.
All in all, regardless of Captain Colo’s statistics, the Newcastle fans, his team mates and his manager know how important he is to the club and their chances of European qualification this season. Signing that new deal was a weight off everybody’s shoulders, knowing the Argentinian will be part of the continued progress NUFC hope to make.
However, what is abundantly clear is that Newcastle need to invest in someone with either equal ability to Coloccini or better! When he isn’t in the team, Newcastle do not look like the same outfit – the confidence in the defensive unit appears to get ‘zapped’ and there is no clear leader of the pack, other than Steven Taylor.
Here’s to hoping Colo gets fit before we can say ‘what happened to our season!’.
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145 Comments
sorry off topic but does anyone here think there is a better attacking line in the prem than ba , cisse and benny?? we have got 3 gems upfront !! roll on liverpool on sunday , lets hope who ever stands in for colo plays out of there skin!!
Aye, it’s a worry.
Hopefully Perchino can carry on his good form and fill in the gaps Colo will leave.
The negative in me says that the next match is set for Mr Carroll to batter our defence, though I hope not.
I really think we should have bought a new centre back, and it’s obvious why.
Fingers crossed the loss of Colo won’t hurt our season too much.
Army69, imagine it when Ba starts scoring again! The three of them look superb together, and give the impression they could score against anyone.
Great stats! Good to actually see all the differences our captain makes in the side
good articule but i think the critisim of santon is a little harsh I F it was based on the WBA i thought he did well considering
unsung man for me was perch i dont like the guy normally but he did do a top job and some important challanges that game
judgement on perch reserved for now =)
Colo is proof that we have to persist with certain players and allow them time to settle they cant all hit the ground running coming from a different country or even a lower league as perch is starting to show now hes getting used to the top flight.
Enjoyed last night got in just as the “wall of noise” at the sos was dying down (about 5 minutes in then
) before they sat on their hands and looked totally confused a bit like sloth from the goonies doing sudoku.
Lovely finish by vaughan like, Kept his eye on the ball and caressed it into the corner…
Who will be captain in his place?
I don’t believe Ba will get his old scoring ratio back. Only because he’s got a deeper role now and his goals are spread out between the 3 of them instead of the goals being only his reposibility.
He’ll still score a few, just not the same ratio. I just hope people don’t think he’s gone off the boil just because his ratio is down… it’s just his job is different.
*3 of them being Ba, Cisse and HBA – just incase that wasn’t clear.
Groucho, probably be Jonas
I feel like Willo will have to mark Carroll and Perch will be marking Suarez. Either of those get mixed up and we’re done
Groucho…Jonas or maybe Cabaye I reckon.
Just food for thought – If we win against Liverpool, that will be 3 wins on the bounce.
We haven’t done that since we had the run of –
Wigan 1-0
Stoke 1-3
Everton 2-1
After Liverpool we’ve got ‘easier’ teams for the next 4 games after until we play Chelsea.
It would set us up absolutely perfectly if we DO beat Liverpool for a brilliant run of results.
I think Liverpool is going to be a massive game for our confidence to finish strongly.
If what i say is right and we beat Liverpool – my only worry is complacency against these ‘lesser’ teams.
Going off this… I wonder what the odds are for us to win the next 5 games?
Looks like Colo is only going to miss the Bindippers and Swans games. Grade 1 tear according to the Chron.
Not too bad then.
If only we had bought Franz Beckenbauer in January!
Where’s the £35m!!??
Jonas got the band when Colo went off right so I’m guessing him for captain. Santon to me is a Bale waiting to happen and his passing percentages highlight that. He’s amazing going forward. I’d like to see him on a wing for a game although in saying that after the WBA game I don’t really want us using wingers again.
did any 1 watch hit the road jack last night
what goes beeep beeep beeep ,,,, 5under1ands open top bus reversing back into the garage
Funny – that’s the same noise Bobby’s bullshit bus was making at the end of January!
Another small stat that’s interesting -
Cisse has score 5 goals in 2 month (almost quarter of a season).
That means he’s a (league only) 20 goals a season man.
I will also put forward that he’s still getting used to playing for us which means he could be a 25+ goal a season striker.
Nobby – that’s the same amount of goals Judas has managed in 35 games for Champion’s League chasing Liverpoop!!
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/hit-the-road-jack/4od did any 1 watch it i found it quite funny
Batty….won’t let me play it over here, will try on the main PC later as I can watch BBC iplayer etc on that one
rich its all about newcastle pluss shearer is on as guest and they asked shearer to do a wind up with a lad ,made me laugh ,they tryed to make shearer say he was a scum fan he refused and gave the game away
Batty
Coloccini is one of the most talented centre backs I’ve ever seen at Newcastle.
He’s obviously very well respected by all the players and he has an air of confidence about his game which other players pick up on.
He got the Captains armband for those reasons and he leads by example and will be a big miss for us if he’s out for any length of time.
However, I think Perch has come of age in the Prem and he’s a confident lad, of that there is no doubt.
Perch would have been under no illusions about the stick he’s had from fans but he’s confident in his own abilities to over ride that and that’s what makes players like him an asset.
Perch is Mr versatile and rarely does he let the team down in any position he plays in.
The problem with some fans is, they will focus on a game like Norwich when he stood in for Colo and Simpson for Saylor in a makeshift CB pairing.
Some fans blame him for that defeat but in reality a makeshift CB pairing like that were naturally targeted by Norwich but they still played their hearts out and Perch never hid.
Perch has learned from that game and others and is applying it all in every game he plays and is doing a fantastic job, so I don;t have any worries about him taking the mantle while Colo is out.
You only find out how strong your squad is, when you use the squad fully.
If a cover player comes in and fails to get to grips, you work on it and send him back out and he learns..
If he keeps getting sent out , he builds confidence and eventually gels with the team.
Confidence plays a major part and to gain that, you have to keep sending them out.
In top gun…Maverick felt responsible for the death of goose because he couldn’t recover the plane from going into a spin and lost all his ability and confidence to fly.
Jester (Carver) said, “you know, I just don’t think he will make it back”
Viper (Pardew) said, “keep sending him up”
In the end, Maverick got into a dog fight and at first bugged out, only to look at Goose’s dog tags, whispering ” talk to me Goose” and sure enough, he was right back in it and shot down a few Mig’s.
What I’m saying is, all Perch has to do, is go out there holding Colo’s dog tags and in a situation, all he has to do is whisper” talk to me Colo ”
I like Capt Slowlo. He reads the game well as his stats show, and is a valuable member of the team.
As the stats show he is not a premiership great, and in my opinion his lack of pace hinders the teams ability to play a high line, as unfortunately we have seen at times this season.
Personally I value his presence as an inspiration to the defenders coming through and I think we will value that even more in seasons to come. Of all the CBs we have been linked with M’Baiwa from Montpellior looks the most similar, cultured CB. We need him as cover & eventual replacement ASAP.
Who to play alongside him ? Saylor, Streete, Kadar, Douglas, Willo. Currently Saylor, but I’m not a favour of his gung-ho style, but hey it seems to work.
Jesters Dead… Yeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
The ministry regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid “great balls of fire”
Wolfie
I just added an extra comment to your last article… I think i get what you’re saying so i put it in a nutshell
I can’t see Carroll starting so maybe that’s a good thing for us….unless kenny does mix it up as it were. If he does, well, Willo knows more about him than any other PL defender I’d wager so what will happen will happen… We just need to make sure we get a grip on the midfield, they took it at anfield and just destroyed us. Hopefully with this 3/5 in mid we’ll be alright like and HBA should have a field day against midfielders like Adam and Spearing as well as their tall centre backs like skyrtel.
Hope you’re right Newkie,
Attack best form of defence etc.
Liverpool have been very defence minded all season… especially away so i think we shouldn’t expect anything else… It’ll be a tight one this one.
Premandup-Aye, that seemed to be the plan against West Brom and it worked a treat. Even more important we try it against Liverpool now as we’re without Colo…though thankfully Tiote is back.
Still, Liverpool’s away defence is impressive…be interesting to see the battle between Enrique and Benny, although hopefully benny will be able to cut in and avoid him for the most part…
I would love to see Carroll start. That way the Liverpool fans can see him on the pitch with Ba, Cisse and HBA, and get a direct comparison of how shit is he
Jon
Jon he’s not shit, just struggling to play in a team of sub standard players. He was fine with us.
After that we have a wierd friday afternoon game because of easter.
How funny was the Sunderland own goal?
Only 5under1and could do something like that.
Lol yeah I know he’s not THAT bad, but it’s fun to rub it in the dippers faces at how they could have spent that £35m
It’ll be like that moment at the end of Bullseye when the player loses. “Come and have a look at what you could have won”.
Sunderland’s squad is so poor. Can’t wait until they field Bramble and Kyriakos in the same first 11
Had us down for a win v dippers,but now we ain’t got Colo it could be a bit of a slog .All we can really do is just attack all the time as much as possible.Let them spend all their time defending with no time to attack us.What is most important is we play carpet footie and no hoofball with such a weakened back line. Good job Willo will be marking Carroll if he plays and not Suarez cause knowing how Willo likes to grab,
Suarez will be dropping every two mins 
.
Totally agree KimToon! We need tonkerp them on the backfoot as much as possible. That 433 set up could be great. Guthrie will probably make way for Tiote to come back in
Remember joe cole before we played at anfield telling us on sky that if liverpoop beat us we were finished chasing europe and could be good little boys and fuck off back down the table letting the natural order take place.
Well roles are reversed and the difference is we can actually nail them and cement 6th with a win, 11 points with their shitty form is far too much to overturn in 7 matches, For every worry about Perch and williamson, I cant help thinking that having tiote back, HBA and the dembas looking red hot and confidence high again that we will come out on top…
Ah, is there any better feeling than beating Liverpool players on Fifa? Seing as nobody plays as the mackems anyway
Completely agree with CC, since Liverpool beat us at Anfield LAST YEAR ffs, they have won 2 league games, 1 against Wolves and the other their derby game v Everton. Let those feckers worry about us, the points difference as it stands now between us is exactly how many Liverpool have picked up since the turn of the year, if we can increase it to 11 points on Sunday they haven’t a hope in hell of catching us. I’m not saying it will be an easy game because it won’t, but they should be alot more worried about us than we should be about them, After all we are a top 6 team, they aren’t
Newkie says:
March 28, 2012 at 15:24
Ah, is there any better feeling than beating Liverpool players on Fifa?
ermmm sex with the woman you love, or even better with the woman someone else loves?
….failing that, maybe beating Liverpool in real life? 
I find this Perch stuff quite funny to be honest.
His performances have been steady all season; not fantastic, but steady. He got slated initially and is now being lauded. Where’s the middle ground?
He’s a good squad player.
I think Colo has been a rock for us this season, and I think we will soon see how important he is if he is missing for long.
ET I agree with you on Perch yeah he has done well but some seem to be making him out to be the next best thing, which no harm to the lad he isn’t and he is no CB either.
Richie
Perhaps, but in neither of those scenarios do you get to savour the look of disappointment on the face of a scouser and enjoy it…
Well unless you were to have sex with one to begin with?
Agree with The Kid on Perch. He just isn’t making any mistakes and plays simple passes, doesn’t get burned… exactly what a squad player should do. Compared to Gosling’s performances when he’s been brought into the team, he’s been a world beater. Compared to say, Stilyan Petrov, he’s still wank. A decent squad player is about right.
I think Santon is a similar case, where’s the middle ground? Yes, he has positioning issues, and you wonder whether he’ll ever be a defender. However, he brings an attacking element that no other fullback on the roster can even come close to providing. You take the good with the bad with David, personally I think he fits in well with our current team.
rich
Everton rested 6 players for that match and wolves were so bad even carroll scored, We’ve competed with (and beaten) far better sides this season than the dippers…
Perch has done what he’s been asked to do when he’s been asked to do it, that’s all you can ask from a squad player. Steady away and good on him.
Still, form can change dramatically, it only takes one match. Look at West Brom, we all feel on top of the world with that attacking display on the first half, yet with the same players in the last few matches we’ve looked pretty average. Plus Liverpool have that bastard record against us. We shouldn’t worry, but we can’t write em off.
If you put any of our players up against others in the league in a similar position, I don’t imagine many would come out top of the pile. Maybe Krul and Ba would be the highest in their positions.
To be honest, I expected there to be better CBs in the league (stat wise), but I’m surprised he isn’t higher. The truth is though, he’s more important to us than stats. He pulls the strings back there and as has been said, Williamson looked a different player in the 2nd half at WBA but to be fair to him, after the goal F up he seemed to settle down again.
My main concern with the Liverpool game would be if they set up 3 up front aswell with Bellamy, Carroll and Suarez and Gerrard behind finding the passes. Bellamy and Suarez have pace to burn and love running at defences and Carroll has a physical and ariel presence which only Williamson could match.
I think we have to play no nonsense defending, no F’ing about. Just clear the lines and let the ball players play football.
We can beat Liverpool if we play sensible football and dont fear them, like I think we did earlier this season.
I would absolutely start with the same formation, midfielders and frontline that started against WBA. The back four I’d go with would be:
Simpson/Williamson/Perchino/Raylor
Newkie@55 Write them off ? i would like to kill em off
NOBBY@31, aye mate that’s what I was getting at.
Kimtoon
WBA barely had a sniff at goal the whole second half, apartfrom the goal. Williamson had one lapse in concentration apart from that he was solid all game. I cant remember the last time i seen him lose a header. He is nothing but a scape-goat for our fans to have a moan at, which is what our fans do best.
Santon did nothing wrong when he came on, yet somehow still gets criticized.
Colo did well and is going to be a big miss but come on you guys are making it out like we are a one man defence.
Completely off topic
Was broken into last night, stole my laptop, camera, wifes purse etc – remembered I’d installed some tracking software on my laptop so turned it on this morning and sent the police gps coordinates, virgin media ip address, etc – phoned me back this afternoon to say they’d raided suspects house and recovered everything – not as satisfying as kickking his head in myself but only had street name and no house number so couldn’t really just start chinning everyone in the street
Still, bet he got a shock when coppers bashed the door down
Anyway recommend installing http://preyproject.com/ – I use the free version which has worked a treat
Stevep@61 Wow what a result ,would love to of seen the blokes face,it’s great to have the last laugh isn’t it
Thanks for the tip too, will use that on my daughters laptop, great idea.
Completely agree with this. Newcastle’s defence seems to fall to pieces when Coloccini is out. Williamson in my opinion is not up to it, he’s a premiership sub or a championship starter nothing more at the moment. Certainly missing Steven Taylor and that was evident in the January sales and yet there was no purchase as promised. I agree we need another defender, if not better than Coloccini, at least up to par with the Argentinian. I hate to say it but the only replace I think would be smart is Perch as at the moment his form seems to have rocketed, but still think he’s got a way to go. Also I know there is mixed opinion on Santon but I do think he will blossom into a great player which will leave Jose Enrique a distant memory.
Bring on Liverpool!!!!!
Sharpy I agree start the same team and same set up because while we attack it keeps them busy trying to stop us, yeah we might get caught on the counter but im pretty sure if we sit back and try to defend we will get a ripped apart, as im sure Doglesh will be getting his players to attack our defence at every chance.
@Dave
If anyone is going to get caught on the counter it will be Liverpool. Its what are team do best and there midfield is as slow as you can get
Robbie aslong as we attack as the king said attack is the best form of defence, and there wasn’t much that King Kev didn’t know about footie he even knew how to save us from falling out of top class footie all together
but if you listen to some he was the devil that was trying to destroy us while the saviour Jabba saved us because he is God 
Reet back to do a bit catch you’s later
Couldnt care less what KK said Pardew is our manager now
We have been a counter attacking team all season i dont see why we will change that against liverpool. I hope Ben Arfa turns up as he is so inconsistant. If he does we will destroy them if he dosnt it will be a close game imo.
Howdy lads, long time no see. Don’t have much time to post these days due to work and such, but just droppin in to say hey.
Good article. Captain Colo is the backbone of our defense and tbh, I’m a bit worried as Liverpool (shite manager or not) will be looking to snipe us at every opportunity. I’m sayin’ my prays to Saint (wor) Jackie haha!
Later, mates. I’ll be back on more often. Promise haha
Alreet OH, how’s it hanging, you must need a trolley for all those papers ya delivering now
Richie-
Aye mate! Had to give up the bike and buy myself a proper scooter like
SteveP@61, fkin nice one!!
…I’d read about shit like that before, but nice to hear it ‘first hand’, as it were. Would’ve loved to have seen the look on the little shitehawk’s face, thinking he was home and dry. I know it was off-topic, but fair play.
btw, alreet Hurls
Welcome back OH. Good to hear from ya mate.
Don’t mind richie, apparently his brain is so fried from too much sun he cannot even accomplish the simple task of buying a house
As far as Colo goes, must admit I was surprised when he was handed the captaincy, main reason being his grasp of English. I was really expecting Steven Taylor to get it. I suppose, ‘academically’, Steven Taylor isn’t the sharpest tool in the box and lets his heart overrule his head at times; probably why it wasn’t given to him.
Also, got to admit I was pretty, well, err, dumbfounded at our ability to keep it tight at the back by 15 or so games into the season. I think this is attributed to a number of factors – playing the same back 4 consistently (that back 4 being our 1st choice), and also having iron man Mr T kicking ass in front of them. Krul’s outstanding form played a part, and again, the growing confidence in players’ abilities due to playing alongside their expected associates week-in week-out.
The trouble starts when you break it all up, as we saw after Saylor’s injury. Fingers crossed Fatty will bring in at least one full back and a centre back in the summer, then it’s plain sailing as far as I’m concerned.
…any forthcoming transfer outgoings could impede our progress significantly, of course. But for the meantime I’ve got my shades on.
MDS-
What’s up, my countryman? How ya been? And yeah- Richie’s thick Geordie blood is probably givin’ him a torrid time doon sooth like hahahaha! That said- I’m lovin’ this weather! 80 degrees and sunny here in Nashvegas lol
all good OH- been loving the fact that we’ve been on TV so many times this year. I’ve only had to go the dodgy stream route for the cup matches
Sharpy, I had forgotten that Raylor would be fit for this game. It’ll be interesting to see who plays LB.
Could be any of Jonas, Santon, Ferguson, or Raylor. I’d like to see Santon put in a solid defensive display, and just roam forward a bit
Steve’s lap top brings back memories of when me Nana and Granda was robbed.
I was at school studying for the under 5′s theories on quantum physics exam in my little cheap cord shorts, tank top and plastic sandals, little realising that as I was studying hard, Nana and Granda were getting robbed.
Me Nana and Granda were out at the time and the only sort of person who was in the house was her pet Parrot called Chipper which had no legs.
This Parrot was as clever as they come and was basically a living camera and tape recorder in one, as it told Nana and Granda about anything that would happen.
For instance, one night someone kicked at a ball at the window while they were out and the lad who did it was told to run by his friend, who shouted ” run Toby”
When Nana came back, Chipper the parrot would shout” Toby ran away, kicked the ball at the window”
Me Nana realised it was a long lad living nearby called Toby Spencer and me Granda went round and beat him up.
Anyway, back to the burglary.
Two lasses in mini skirts had broke in and started rummaging about and they were putting Nana’s valuables in a black sack.
They managed to get a Timex watch, salt and pepper pots in a tarnished tray,a tea cosy, one of Nana’s blue rinse permed wigs,a pair of sandals with each heel worn right down on the outer heel side (me Nana had bow legs).
Me Nana didn’ t have much but these lasses in short mini skirts didn’t seem to care.
One lass turned her back on the Parrot and bent down to pick up an item off the floor and in doing so, her skirt rode up to reveal she was wearing a thong. The item the lass picked up, was my Nana’s prized etch a sketch.
When Nana came back to find the house burgled, Chipper the Parrot told her what Items they stole.
He mentioned everything but the etch a sketch.
Nana asked Chipper, if he saw the lasses pick up the etch a sketch off the floor and Chipper replied ” sorry Nan’s I didn’t see them pick up an etch a sketch cos me nob went hard and I fell off me perch and knocked myself out”
So if anyone wants a witness, get a Parrot WITH legs, just in case a scantily clad burglar decides to do your house over.
That’s the best advice I can give.
That sure is sound advice Wolfie. I’ve just made a bid on a parrot on ebay, but it’s only got one leg. It speaks good German apparently, and it’s also gay. It wouldn’t have the same sexual distractions as your Nana’s parrot, and even if two burglar hunks broke into my house dressed in Troys thongs it’d still manage to swing on one leg when it got a boner. The bid’s on £342 at the moment, ye reckon it’s worth sticking with…….?
(quick, only 32mins left on the auction)
OH
MDS… There’s nowt simple in Southern Spain mate, apart from me of course
Richie, just joking mate. Been trying to sell one for going on two years now
and I’m as smart as they come
…£368 now, ‘fritz**gerbil63′ highest bidder.
MDS…couldn’t sell the one in Newcastle, not for the right price so had to rent it out……but mark my words I’ll be lounging by the pool by mid May or my names not ‘fritz**gerbil63′
howay man Richie, stop ootbidding is man will ye
I want that parrot, it shall be mine, oh yes, it shall be mine……
£485 noo, ‘wolf***67′, what’s gan nurn..
Rodz…too high for me, I’m oot….ya could say I’m sick as a… !!
….too hawt fur me too Richie, guess it’s going to ‘wolf***67′ at that price. The porv must have a reet dodgy menagerie of sexually deviated animals. Incidentally, I had a look at the seller’s online shop, and there’s some interesting products on there. I’m ‘watching’ a one-legged bisexual lamb (back left missing due to wear and tear), a Costa Rican Golden Toad (into bondage, GSOH) and a French-speaking Indian Star Tortoise amputee (no front legs) at the moment. All from good homes, parintli.
…canny pricey stuff like, but just goes to show it’s there to be bought, if you’re not a fucking tight-arse.
ROD, I won the bid, it went ballistic like but finally I got the parrot for £12,685.
I’ll have the last laugh on them though,cos I’ve got me Nana’s Parrot and I’m gonna sell you the one legged gay German speaking one for £20 quid, that’ll show them bastards .
Thats what I like about Collo, he doesn’t play hoof ball. He gets the ball to our CM by keeping the ball on the floor. I reckon he would make a good defensive midfielder too as he is strong, is comfortable on the ball and can take players on, in fact didn’t he play in midfield last season for 1 game?
Off topic but do you think Barcelona play boring football, i mean im watching them now and thinking yes they hold on to the ball but dont do anything exciting with it.
Fucking shit itv commentary, Brian moore must be somersaulting in his grave…
BELTER,who’s Colo man? This is a disabled Parrot thread.
I should read comments first before I go talking about something daft and random like football
Wolfie, Mum’s the word eh
(need any one-eyed badgers into Christian Metal? I know a bloke who knows a bloke, narwadameen
)….also can fix you up with a friend of mine who’s big in marsupial mathcore circles, those little fekkers know where the fretboard is 
Belter, hahahaha.
Rod, aye mate, I could do with a few of them.
If you know anyone that’s looking for a a woodpecker with no beak that looks like a boxer dog, let me know.
Wolfie, that’s a canny little nonsensical retort regarding Woodpeckers, and pretty appropriate as today I saw a Woodpecker for the first time. As much as I usually talk bollocks, this is true. I bumped into a mate of mine cycling back up through the park near where I live this afternoon, whilst talking to her I heard a creaking sound above my head as she said “look it’s a woodpecker!!” I looked up, and after a brief scan, low and behold there was one of little fuckers! I never realised they were that small. Fucking mental little bastards they are.
…so fair play for giving a shout out to all the woodpeckers, and a big brown star to you, for plucking out an obscure animal from within the murky depths of my brain via telepathy, and re-introducing it into the world famous ‘nufc parrot blog’.
Mark Douglas @MsiDouglas
PLUS:’He’s not happy.But if #nufc let him go they’re making a huge mistake.’The agent of which Toon player said that?Revealed in #thejournal
Any guesses? Sounds like someone we could keep if we really wanted too but aren’t willing to make the commitment. Smacks of Guthrie, maybe Simmo, just hope its not someone like vuckic or a surprise first-teamer
Joey Barton’s
I’llput my money on guthrie. He was mad when he lost his spot when tiote came back. The club doesnt view him a starter but he does
Dubs, given that little clue my money’d be on Guthrie.
…for a few reasons:
1) He’s been the forgotten man for too long, and realises he’s a decent central midfielder in a Premier League team with lots talented midfielders and utility players.
2) It would be a “huge mistake” as he’s a fantastic squad player who can fit in anywhere in midfield, and unlikely to go anywhere for big coin.
3) He always looks unhappy, due to his pug-nose face, and his agent misinterpreted his client’s mental state, by Guthries’s average day-to-day facial expressions.
…either that, or it’s all bollocks.
WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN….
….HUNDEREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Echo Beach
(far away in time)
Echo Beach
(far away in time)
…repeat to fade.
Is Toonsy still in Holland like?
Richie no I think he is back
Thought he might be holed up in a… cough cough, cafe somewhere
Richie, I hope you’re not suggesting any person associated with and/or using this blog is in anyway associated with illicit deviant behaviour
…laters
…anyway, I’ve just put Rush on full knacker (fastforwarding through all the daft hippy shit for the guitar solos, obviously)
Rodz, as if I would suggest such a thing
……..although I wonder what Ice is up to overseas 
……I’m off too and for some bizarre reason that I can’t explain, Jilted John is playing in my head. No idea where it’s come from but I’ve a feeling it’s gonna take some shifting 
. Cyas.
Richie no I think he spent lastnight in a 24hr cafe
Richie, John Shuttleworth is a legend, Gordon is a moron and I’m making plans for Virgil.
…soz for butting in there Dave, but while I’m at it on pronouncing different people as being such-and-suches, I may as well add to the thread the following….
…although Geddy Lee was a fantastic bass player, songwriter and composer he didn’t half talk some shite. I personally would put Geddy, Stanley Clarke, Norman Watt-Roy and Les Claypool inside a sealed and live televised chamber at the bottom of the North Sea for 6 months; feeding them only on tikka masala and radishes, and depriving them all of their senses from any outside influence – just to see what happened.
I’m 100% certain there’d be a bass-off at some point, and without any obvious instruments there’s only one survivor in that case.
…in the event of a tie, I’d play them Coldplay and see which one exploded first.
It’s all good.
Rod havn’t seen much of you lately mate maybe been busy arranging your bass off
hope alls good me old bean
Rod just thinking what about instead of cold play how about scooter
…hey Davey, sorry just meandering there…yeah mate all’s cool, not been on as much lately, too busy dealing with fucking shitty shit, as you do!
…aye, I reckon maybe do a slowly built tie, with Paul Young starting off, getting louder and louder, eventually breaking into Enya, orinoco-flowing through to Phil Collins in the air, gradually weaving head first into an industrial log shredder henceforth producing the sound of Scooter.
…btw, I could remember ‘Scooter’ being a fkin annoying band Dave, but I had to remind myself via our good friend Google, and it appears this ‘Scooter’ band as you call them, also released a track named ‘How much is the fish’. Now call me a cunt, but I’m sure there can’t have been too many bands to name a track such like. I have an album by a quality ’90s band called ‘Stump’, who released a track under that very name.
I’m off now to see if there’s any matches……..
CHAOS SAID THE CAPTAIN!
*80s
ahhh, who gives one.
morning lads!!! 3 days til we smash liverpool eh!! lets hope we play this …
==========krul============
simp====willo=perch===santon
===cabaye=tiote=jonas======
benny================ba
==========cisse=========
elliott
ferguson
guthrie
gosling
obertan
abeid
shola
Rodz…did he not create the character Shuttleworth after Jilted john, and making plans for “virgil” wasn’t him was it?
ooops forgot raylors back, i would stick him left back and put santon on the bench. is obertan injured?? never seen much of him lately. he would be very useful to bring on around 70 mins for pace if 1 of the forwards are tired
Army…last I read on NUFC.com it just said Oba’s availability was to be confirmed
haha cheers mate , whats been up with him like? is it his toe again?
gee this blog has gone quiet on the back of a couple of wins
The negative crew must have run out of things to whinge about
No idea mate, havn’t seen owt about it.
AUSSIE MAGPIE FAN
March 29, 2012 at 09:00
gee this blog has gone quiet on the back of a couple of wins
The negative crew must have run out of things to whinge about
haha , you do get a few whingy buggers on here like
…or maybe all those who said that we didn’t need a CB in Jan as we had enough to see us through to the summer are too embarrassed to show their faces?
good one Richie…. Now everyone is going to bang on about our centre back issues
surely there are some other issues that need complaining about 
Aussie…..very true, anyway about this £35m!
aye ive got an issue … the bluddy pies are too dear at st james park
what do they slug you for a pie Army??
Army…and they usually run out of Chicken Baltis before half time
I think we have to try not to get to carried away with the WBA performance, it was only one game, the trick is to do it consistently in the run in now, but feck me what a great time to hit a bit of form this would be.
Spurs spluttering, Chelsea will have their minds on other things now and Liverpool….well on current league form are just woeful. HTL
that is true Ritchie, one swallow doesn’t make a porn movie (or something along those lines) but if we attack like we did at WBA it should be an entertaining encounter.. Liverpool will be a bit wounded at the moment but I expect them to come out fighting..
I am not chalking this one down as a win, a draw for me…
AUSSIE MAGPIE FAN
March 29, 2012 at 09:18
what do they slug you for a pie Army??
i havent a clue mate i was just trying to moan haha!! i never go for something to eat when im at the match bcos the ques are massive so i ussually take a few sarnys
Aussie…. I think we’ll win it, the pressure is all on Liverpool for me, it’s a must win for them if they are to have any sort of chance to catch us. The thing is, how much do they want to catch us? will they be more fixated on the FA cup now as they’ve already qualified for the Europa league? They’ve also been a wounded animal since the turn of the year, only 2 wins, 1 v lowly Wolves and 1 in their local derby v Everton who, as CC said rested over half of their 1st team because of the cup game…..I believe
good points Richie… you have changed my mind… 4-1 to the Toon
Cisse – 2 goals
Enrique – Own goal
BA – 1 Goal
Kyut – 1 goal
Carroll – 2 easy misses & 3 air swings…
£3 odd for a pie I think and last season a pints not a kick in the arse off £4 iirc
…and is usually sh!t as the pumps are only used every couple of weeks 
Aussie
…I’d rather not see Carroll on the pitch tbh……god I miss going to the matches 
mate I would love to just go to one full stop..
. I spent a bit of time in England back in the mid 90′s but it basically spanned the whole off season so I couldn’t attend any games… 
It’s late nights/ very early mornings for my game time viewing…
heres my predictions for the last 8 games , i am very confident after our last peformance so here goes ….
April
Sun 01 13:30 H Liverpool win 2-1
Fri 06 16:30 A Swansea City draw 1-1
Mon 09 15:00 H Bolton win 3-1
Sat 14 15:00 A Chelsea lose 2-1
Sat 21 15:00 H Stoke City win 2-0
Sat 28 15:00 A Wigan Athletic draw 2-2
May
Sun 06 14:00 H Manchester City win 3-2
Sun 13 15:00 A Everton lose 2-1
thats 4 wins , 2draws and 2 defeats for me which will get us up to 64 points!! i really think if we can achieve this we could possibly snatch 5th place!! lets hope chelsea and liverpool lose another 3-4 games ! if we can keep benny , ba and cisse fit for the next 8 games im very sure we will bang the goals in as 1st half at west brom on sunday was the best attacking football ive seen us play since the keegan days!! HAPPY DAYS
Aussie…maybe one day eh?
It was the same when I joined up in the 80′s, hadn’t missed a home game for 5 years including cups and friendlies and went to about 60% of the away games, missed the footy more than my family
Army…hope so, though think we’ll get something at Chelski
Oh, and you’re both on the wrong thread
I’ll get there one day mate.. I have already told the missus that it going to happen (along with an ashes cricket tour).
So until then,I will be supporting the boys from a far.
The Ashes tour would only end in dissapointment for you though, so I’d give that a miss
Cheeky bastard….
I must admit I don’t like losing to your wonderful English team of South African cricket players
Lets face it we’re both “mongrel” races
Ha ha spot on mate, I am a mongrel as they come with my mixed heritage…
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