West Ham v Newcastle – Premier League match preview

Hammers v Magpies

Happy Hammers v Miserable Magpies
Happy Hammers v Miserable Magpies
Newcastle travel to Upton Park tomorrow afternoon where they will be looking to answer a whole host of questions against West Ham.

The 6-0 capitulation against Liverpool has caused a storm on Tyneside as rumours of rifts and cliques have been made public resulting in United falling out with members of the press and even going as far as banning one publication and it’s reporters whilst embarking on a PR offensive to deny any of the aforementioned rumours. I was half expecting to see images of Cabaye and Pardew picking flowers together but alas they never materialised!

The commitment that was lacking against Liverpool and in recent weeks will be under the microscope once more as both manager and players look to bounce back from such a humiliation. It’s crisis time at United and we need points desperately if we are to make sure we don’t end up relegated for a second time within the space of four years.

No doubt looking to get one over us, West Ham have an array of former United players and staff who all have their own reasons for wanting to pile the misery on us. Andy Carroll and Kevin Nolan are of course former players of Newcastle United and both played a huge part in ensuring we returned to the Premier League. Then there is Sam Allardyce who, not content with getting a huge payout for being sacked, also likes to get one over on us each time we play. The Hammer will not lack motivation, that is for sure.

West Ham:

Allardyce has no fresh injury concerns ahead of the visit of Newcastle. James Tomkins (calf) and George McCartney (knee) are again likely to miss out but apart from that Allardyce has a full squad to choose from.


Mathieu Debuchy will miss the game due to suspension following his sending off against Liverpool last weekend. Massadio Haidara and Sylvain Marveaux are doubtful as they nurse respective hamstring and groin injuries whilst Tim Krul, Davide Santon, Ryan Taylor and Haris Vuckic all remain out.

There is better news regarding Fabricio Coloccini though who is likely to return to the side after missing the last 12 games with a back injury.


West Ham are looking to do the double over us this season after Kevin Nolan ensured his current club took all three points away from his former home earlier on in the season.

Prior to West Ham’s relegation, we managed to do the double over them with a 5-0 win at St James’ Park following a 2-1 victory at Upton Park. The goalscorers for us that day – Kevin Nolan and Andy Carroll!

Upton Park has been a happy hunting ground for us in recent years. We’ve won three of our last five trips to West Ham and drawn another one of those five with our only loss in the last ten years coming courtesy of a 3-1 defeat back in 2008.

The Hammers have had the upper hand over us at their ground over the years however. There have been 58 meeting between the sides with West Ham winning 29, United winning 15 and the other 14 ending in a draw.

Overall, home and away and in all competitions, United to hold a slight advantage having won 49 meetings between the two sides compared to West Ham’s 38 victories with 35 draws having been contested between the two sides in their 122 clashes to date.

Match stats and facts:

West Ham have only lost once at home in 2013 (Tottenham) and have only lost four home league games (Arsenal, Liverpool and Everton) all season.

Newcastle have the second-worst away record in the Premier League having won just one league game on the road all season.

West Ham goalkeeper Jussi Jaaskelainen has made a league-high 155 saves this season.

Newcastle have the worst defence in the league having conceded 66 goals this term, one goal more than relegated Reading, two more than relegation rivals Aston Villa, and four more than 18th placed Wigan.

Final thought:

Once again I find myself dreading the weekend and wondering just how bad it will be rather than how good we can make it. I honestly would love to see a reaction after last weekend but I just can’t see it. I’ve almost resigned to the fact that we’ll get relegated and will only get saved if Wigan fail to bridge that five point gap and I honestly can’t see us picking up another point this season given how we’ve been “performing” for quite some time now.

Suffice to say, I’d be delighted with a point!

Howay the lads!

Date: Saturday, 4th May, 2013

Time: 3pm

Venue: Upton Park

288 thoughts on “West Ham v Newcastle – Premier League match preview

  1. I’m with Batty on this one. 🙁

    Here are the facts as I see them…….

    we have been absolutey pish away from home all season, even WITH our supposed full strength team. Half of that team are now injured or suspended
    Our main…or only goalscorer, is struggling to hit the net, and we aren’t creating goals scoring chances for him anyway
    We are on a serious downward curve having been battered twice in the last 2 weeks at home.
    The manager has lost the players and he is having serious trouble controlling his sphincter
    We can’t combine 4 passes without giving the ball away.
    We are slow and labourious in our build up, and lose the majority of fifty fifty balls
    We are pish poor in the air, throughout the complete team..
    Our dead ball delivery is pish poor, and has been ALL season…

    However, being an optimistic Geordie I have to believe that all of this will have no bearing on our performance today away from home against a bunch of ex-toon staff who would love to put one over on us, whilst hammering a nail into ex-boss Pardew’s coffin…

    We have had so many chances to “get the 6 points we need” and failed the majority of the time.

    We can only hope and pray that the results go our way, because I have absolutely no faith in our bunch.

    Oh…and our defence is brittle as shit…

    Don’t want to be a negger or owt like…. 🙂 three points would come in handy… 😉



  2. @ Djebs9

    There is no way you are real. As boot as real as Rotary Vests. Class banter though. 😛


  3. Sharpy17@223…. he’s just giving out the normal patter to keep on the toon fans side. Now if he decides to crack in 2 own goals that would go down really nicely…

    Interesting link to the photo though, it seems that Staylor has spent most of the season with his heed in his hands 🙁


  4. ST – I meant more his attitude as a human being as opposed to his playing ability. Mind that said, we could use some of his goals at the moment like.

    Munich – I think it was slightly more than that mate. He didn’t have to say as much. Particularly about our players accepting the criticism having enjoyed the praise last season.
    Don’t get me wrong mate, I’m far from a big fan of Nolans and think he proved himself to be a greedy bastard to leave us when he did, so it pains me slightly to acknowledge his comments, but I do think he’s right.


  5. Does anyone live in Carlisle? I’m over there today and need to know whether the bars stream toon games or the Mancs ?


  6. On a totally different note, it’s between Hull and Watford for automatic promotion today, but with 12 players currently loaned into Watford – which I assume leave in the summer?!, would they really be ready for a promotion having to replace so many players, or do they have an option to buy these players?!
    It was just something I was thinking, however as I’ve written it down I’ve lost interest myself – so feel free to totally bypass this post 🙄 😆


  7. The reality train is stopping at Upton Park today…

    Don’t fancy much to be honest and I also think Villa will best Norwich as they’re really confident and I fancy Wigan to beat WBA especially if WBA play as bad as they did against us.

    Need Norwich and WBA wins today and I think we’d be safe.


  8. It’s that time of night again. Break out the Johnny Walker, me hearties. Howay le Toon.


  9. Can’t be arsed waiting, wanted to stay in bed til kick off but there’s too much adrenaline. 😕


  10. well more good news 🙁 Sissoko has turned his ankle and is out and didnt travel but dont worry shola is taking his place 👿


  11. Ice-really? Him in the middle was our only hope i reckon, we have no engine without him, the other fuckers just can’t cover the ground.

    Crazy to beleive Cabaye/Tiote were the hardest working midfield pair for a fair part of last season. fucking joke


  12. Surely we can’t start with Perch and Tiote again after last…????

    He could use Sissoko being out of the team as a way to get Jonas in the side.

    Ben Arfa—-Cisse–Gouffran


  13. Thanks too everyone for the get wells and Jill @178 that is brilliant started reading it 30 minutes ago and still can’t stop laughing .

    As for todays match if we put in a 90 minute shift like the first half at WBA then i really think we will win . Its up to Pards to pick his best attacking 11 and give them the freedom too play . If HBA ,Gouffran and Cabaye are all picked too start with a licence to thrill its our 3 points . Sissoko and Bigi would be my choice too hold the midfield . Tiote for me does not merit being picked .


  14. ffs ,now Sissoko 👿 are all our players made of glass or what 🙁

    Anita must play today need his passing ability and Benny must start ,surely Goofy needs to be on too .


  15. Axel ,Yeah Bigi could be a good call ,he’ll not be tired and showed a lot of skill previously ,I would have him over Tiote at the mo.


  16. KIM funny how a lot of players get injured when the going gets tough,or is my evil mind 😡


  17. KIMTOON i would start Anita as LB he started his playing days in that position for Ajax ,Lets face is Jonas is hopeless their against any one with pace .


  18. AXEL ,He’ll put Mbiwa there I expect and I would like to see Anita in the midfield spraying some nice passes around. You know I don’t get it he was plenty good enough for Ajax but not us apparently 🙄 All he needed was to beef up a little for the physicality of the PL which he’s been working on n the gym I understand.


  19. Just thinking would starting Shola not be a bad idea ? the fact that he is a big strong bugger could help stop Carroll at deadball situations .With Sissoko now out he need someone big on the park and i dont see MBIWA stopping Carroll in the air but Mbiwa might be a good shout too play CDM .

    Simmo Saylor collo Anita

    Mbiwa Bigi

    HBA Shola/Cisse Gouffran

    That team might just do the trick


  20. I see phil Neville’s a free next season, I reckon he’d be a good signing even though he’s 36. Won’t ask for much money, reliable when asked upon, can fill in at LB and CDM and would add PL experience to a largely inexperienced side.


  21. Sharpy17@235, don’t worry about it mate, I always read your posts 😉

    I find that is horrendous that Watford can have 12 players loaned in and have a chance to get promoted to the EPL. 😯
    What kind of message does that convey ?

    Loanees who have paid their way in years gone by….
    Sturridge …. Chelsea to Bolton…his goals kept them in the EPL…
    Adebayor …. Man City to Spurs …..his goals propelled them to the top of the league
    Andy Carroll….Liverpool to West Ham …….his goals helped keep West Ham in the EPL and condemn Newcastle United to the Championship…

    👿 👿


  22. Andymag@258, good point but if he aint good enough for Everton he aint good enough for us. Plus he probably wouldn’t be interested in playing in the Championship.

    Sissoko injured now….there is some seriously fuking bad Karma swirling around NUFC at the moment….. ffs ……..


  23. Is Sissoko being out going to be that big a deal when you consider where Pards normally plays him, as he normally runs into dead ends and loses the ball, a bit like Oba


  24. Has anyone actually contemplated where we would be if Cisse got injured ?
    That knacker Ned and his merry bunch of men took the risk of trying to see the season out with 1 average striker… ffs …written in capital letters….
    They are all FUKING MENTAL… still 60 Million big ones per season isn’t a gamble Ashley would take lightly I would imagine….

    Laugh, I almost got the beers in…

    p.s. can Cabaye also call in sick too,or is it too late now ?

    Well, it was fun flaunting with the big boys while it lasted… 👿 👿 👿 👿


  25. So that’s Marv,Haidara, Santon,Krul, sissoko,and Debbie out . 🙁 I think any team would struggle with that lot of first teamers out tbh. We are fooked big time. 3 of our newbies missing 🙄


  26. Kimmy@260, sorry mate, but I’m gonna stot me worry beads off somebodies heed if they’re not careful.
    I’m fuking furious that this bunch at the toon are stuck in this predicament. With all the money and resources they have available, and some of the loyalist and supportive fans in the world. How are they repaid ?……. Furious mate…


  27. I just had a horrible flash….the TV commentators favourite today is …… West Ham’s Joe Cole…. who scores 2 against the toon….

    btw I believe he is a loanee isn’t he ?


  28. MM – thanks mate, you’re a good lad 😉 – unless you read them and think ‘god, and I thought I knew nowt about football!’ 😕 😆

    Sissoko out then I’d go:

    —————- Elliott —————
    Simmo – Saylor – Colo – MYM
    — Cabaye — Tiote — Anita —
    ————— Benny ————-
    ——- Cisse —— Gouffran —–

    Still see that 11 getting something out of today like.


  29. I’ve got a feeling that this is the team we will see start this afternoon with all the talk of premiership experience this week.

    Ben Arfa—Cabaye—-Jonas

    Subs: Elliott, M’Biwa, Anita, Obertan, Gosling, Campbell, Gouffran


  30. I see Lawro has us down to lose 2-0.
    So I take that as a good omen for the bore draw.
    Howay the Lads 😛 😛


  31. Oblong-Thought we’d get summit up til Sissoko was ruled out, just don’t see Cabaye having the bottle for a fight at all.


  32. Haha. I kinda get that impression from your comments Munich….. 😆

    Keep the faith!


  33. So uh, why on earth did we let lua lua go and proceed to buy people like Obertan? More wonders from the youth and management set up.


  34. Sharpy @296 ,yep that could work ,but with our lot you can never tell .

    BB@271 ,Let’s hope he’s wrong buthe’s in good company ,no one giving us a cat in hells chance today. 🙄


  35. Oblong – WHUs main CB is James Collins and is better in the air than on the ground so I’d play the pace of Gouffran or Campbell also Cisse rather than Shola.
    If we’ve got Cabaye, Benny and Anita behind Cisse and Gouffran they can thread balls through for the front 2 to run on to rather than looking to keep lugging it up to the target man Shola and making it easy for WH to defend against.


  36. @Newkie

    I’ve got to be honest Cabaye’s commitment to the cause is worrying me a lot! His head seems to somewhere else at the minute.


  37. Kim-he’s not all that and I think he got stick for being related to his brother like Sammy does, but in all honesty as he is the same age as both Sammeobi and Ferguson, who would you rather have in your side out of the three? I know who I’d prefer..


  38. I wouldn’t like to see Shola start myself I just have a feeling Pardew’s will go with experience over all else today… 🙄


  39. Oblong-his commitment to the cause has been in question all season IMO. At the start of the season when we weren’t doing too badly we had to carry jonas in every match and seemingly Cabaye most of the time as well. Excuses were made for him but either he wanted away in the summer or he’s just a lazy c*nt.

    Now as a captain for several months he is yet to step up, even Alan Smith and Nicky Butt showed more fight ffs. Shocking.


  40. Axel @ 247 😆 Thanks mate! I thought we could all do with a laugh! That review and quite a few other funny ones are actually on Amazon.com web site. Hope I’m still laughing come 5pm. 😉 HWTL


  41. I really hope he starts HBA and Gouffran today , whatever formation he picks if those 2 dont start its curtains for us . I see also that although Lawro has predicted a 2-0 loss he also thinks we already have enough points to be safe ,he reckons Wigan have to big a gap to make up . The man is a total baffoon ,he seriously needs his heed looked at .


  42. Newkie@281 – I reckon it was an abominable error by Pardew to name Cabaye as captain when he knew apparently the lad was off colour…and was carrying an injury…and maybe his heart wasn’t in it. They are just the blokes you want alongside you in the trenches…. not.

    Tiote may get some stick, but that has nowt to do with his effort. He has just been gash all season, but he doesn’t hide, and puts the effort in.


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