You’re not on your holidays yet lads!

Another bad day at the office!
First off, Jonas Gutierrez and Tim Krul, you can go outside and play on the swings as this doesn’t apply to either of you. Toodlepip.

Right, as for the rest of you, sit down, shut up, pay attention.

During our last game it came to my attention that the bulk of you appeared to believe you were somewhere else other than Anfield and playing for Newcastle United. Now I can accept defeat, easily, but what I will always kick up about is a lack of effort and intent. That is what I witnessed today. If you lot were paid for effort you would owe money right now!

Danny Simpson, come to the front of the class. What was up with you today? Why do you always back off the attacker? Sometimes you need to take the bull by the horns young man.

Williamson, if you’re going to try and shepherd a ball out of play then at least make sure there is enough pace on the ball or you make it impossible for the attacker to get to. Yes the penalty was harsh and Suarez fell over like he’d been consuming vast amounts of Dalglish’s Buckfast, but really you shouldn’t have got yourself in that position in the first place.

Colo, Colo, Colo. What happened dude? You are usually Mr reliable, which is why it shocked me when you were pulled about like a ragdoll for the third goal. You have high standards so I’ll put this one down to a blip.

Jose. Hello Jose, here, woooo, over here, that’s it sunbeam. You do realise you are still playing for Newcastle United don’t you? You do? So why look so uninterested? I’ve noticed you daydreaming for weeks now and wonder what is on your mind? You’ve become a liability and I think you need a spell on the bench to reflect on things.

Joey, you know the other week when you bragged that you were the best in class? Do you realise that you aren’t now? Has it sunk in yet?

Kev, where were you big fella? I noticed you went missing for large periods of the game today. I hope you weren’t skiving round the back of the bikesheds?

Cheik, what have I told you about lashing out every five minutes. You’ll end up in detention more often if you don’t buck your ideas up.

Ah, The Great Dane. I can’t remember anything you did today. All you’ve done is sit at the back of the class and not say boo to a goose. You need to get involved a bit more Peter!

Shola, I know you aren’t the brightest tool in the shed, but when you try you can be a real handful and can almost be at the top of the class. I just wonder why we don’t see the application from you at all times?

Now I know it’s a crude interpretation of player ratings, but most of the lads deserve a bollocking after today. What makes it more frustrating is that we’ve all seen what they can achieve when they try. Yes we are safe barring a catastrophe of us losing all of our games and the bottom clubs basically winning all of theirs, but it doesn’t excuse complacency.

As for a grade for today? F – Must do a lot better!

About toonsy

A lifelong Newcastle fan and current webmaster of this very 'blog who has the sole aim of creating a place by Newcastle United fans, for Newcastle United fans.

81 thoughts on “You’re not on your holidays yet lads!

  1. After a turbulent season, some of our players obviously lack the mental energy to see out the season. Knowing that you are playing against Liverpool with two dud strikers doesn’t help things either.. 😥

    Lets get 2 more points on board then they can all gtf on holiday, the fans too, we all need it after this season …

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  2. Kin ‘el is that Spurs keeper some dodgy geezer…!….he muffed it again today, how does he stay in that side ?

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  3. Glad you enjoyed it Spence. I just think a bit of humour makes the world a better place, and after today we need it 🙂

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  4. Reminds me off my old manager at school, he was a right evil kunt and would of had a go at you for a slight slip…. At school level 😆

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  5. Toonsy for nufc manager!!! or at least motivational speaker 😆 Toonsy you are speaking the truth right out the bag.

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  6. Is Playstation Network back on? I need to spend this evening smashing Liverpool repeatedly 😈

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  7. Played a few people online, only one picked Liverpool, probably a good thing, when I play liverpool I just try and take Carroll out 😆

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  8. nah Toonsy its not on yet. They have announced that it will return this week. but what day i do not know

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  9. I bet Jonas and Krul are having a right good old laugh on the swings, but I do think Krul was lucky to get out of detention after he went walkabout

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  10. They have also annnounced everyone should buy xbox’s, were the severs dont go down 😉

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  11. Great article Toonsy, hits the nail on the head about our performances lately

    I noticed in the game last week that Simpson didn’t get close enough to Crainey and it was the same today. He always seems to back off, the only back four player who had a half decent game was colo. Shola does nothing for me and he never seems to challenge for anything. Maybe this is a time to bring Ranger into the starting line up for next weeks game

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  12. Dave – I tend to go easier on Goalies as if they make an error it’s almost an instant goal if you know what I mean? The people in front of him should be doing their upmost to protect him basically.

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  13. ahh spencer wasnt it last year or so where xbox live was off for two weeks during the christmas holidays??? 🙂

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  14. Toonsy I know what you mean but he was stupid for trying to shepherd the ball out on the line, he was lucky he got away with it 😉

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  15. @18-Ive never had a problem with my live 😕
    Someone said that to me earlier and I dont remember it at all, I think the cod servers went down for like a day, but cods w@nk anyway 😆

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  16. Shouldnt be playing cod if hes only 8 man 😆

    And aye start him early 😆 😆

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  17. Spence – No train. If I go it will be by car. I’ll be going past Sheffield aswell so if you and your Daddy want a lift then feel free 🙂

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  18. abit man, not loads, im canny on it like, when i was in y7/8 and had nothing better to do I used to play COD5 all the time 😆

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  19. My ‘daddy’ might not be going no more, feel free to give me one :mrgreen:

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  20. SpencerTheToon
    Posted May 1, 2011 at 8:16 PM

    “My ‘daddy’ might not be going no more, feel free to give me one”

    Good god 😈 😈 😈 😈

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  21. You got it in for my dad? 😆

    Or just want to kill me and dump me? 😆

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  22. Spence @ 31 😯 do you realise its toonsy your saying that too 😯
    What level and prestige are you on Black ops ❓

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  23. Highest level but I can be doing with prestige, I dont go on it enough to bother.

    And is he a mass rapist or something? 😆

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  24. SpencerTheToon
    Posted May 1, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    “And is he a mass rapist or something?”

    😈 😈 😈

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  25. 😆 Ill walk up sy 😉 😆

    Does anyone no where that youngster is, Harris Vucick or summat 😉 😆

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  26. better hope for a nufc win, then hell be happy 😆
    my theroy is, hes gunna lock me in a room, and if I havent wrote 10 articles in the 90mins hes gunna kill me 😆

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  27. Toonsy. Are you posting fron the headteachers’ conference in Brighton? If so, you’re in trouble for not paying attention in class!
    Spencer @4. If you’ve a personal problem, have a word with Batty – I’m sure he’ll be able to do you a good deal on some incontinence pants!

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  28. I think the players were okay, the second part of the first half we were all over them but just didn’t have the cutting edge in the final third. Thats what it boils down do, we haven’t got the quality in attack to hurt teams. Not much will change in the next 3 games unfortunately. I just hope Benny is back in the last game so I’ve got something to watch.

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  29. no mummy and daddy always taught me, that if a wee wee or poo poo myself to get a shower 😛 😆 😆

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  30. Spence I only play sometimes under my wee lads and he is level 46 prestige 6 but I would probably be about prestige 2 or round that 😕

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  31. alreet, ill not add him, i might end up on the list added wee lads 😆

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  32. Jobey if he isn’t at school he would be up till 10.30 – 11 I know its late but he is still up 1st thing sat and sun morn

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  33. Is he playing for a sunday leauge team like dave?

    And 11’clock for a 8 year old , and playing and 18 😯

    Tut Tut 😉 😆

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  34. Spence I would rather him be playing that than another one he has but he got it took of him GTA 👿
    Batty well hows you 😉 I see Ice still hasn’t been on so he must of had a rough nite or he has tried to touch for some Lass and his Lass has threw him out 😆

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  35. n’awww you cant take it off him man 😆

    I got it took off me when I was younger aswell 😆

    Batty your evil to me 😥

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  36. Spencer- It’s cause batty knows what youve been calling him during the day when he’s not on 😉

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  37. btw sy, earlier I said about getting the train to the brum game, I meant WBA 🙄 😆

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  38. Nah man. I never et trains to home game. It takes nine years and costs about £13 million return. It’s still cheaper to drive.

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  39. Arran- Alright 🙂
    thought i may aswell say hi on here as i missed your “my name is…” Thread

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  40. That game was depressing on so many levels, but seriously, how ****e is the bindipping support. 😯 🙄
    Jose needs to fck off to what ever place his mind is at because I just can’t tolerate his lack of anything these past months… 👿

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  41. 😆 I gatherd you would be driving, just correcting my mistake 😉

    only problem with driving is you cant drink 😉 😆

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  42. Arran just out of interest :mrgreen: where did you come from mate are you on another blog 😕
    Batty I dare say feeling rough then watching that display earlier didn’t help 😆

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  43. 😆 Nothing wrong with not being able to drink alot- Its cheeper to get drunk 😆

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  44. Just slung a thread up that I wrote earlier. It’s kind of pointless but rather than delete it I just thought I’d sling it up 🙂

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