10 reasons why the grass isn’t always greener.

Martins playing for some Russian outfit....
According to national papers we, as Newcastle fans, are enduring the process of losing all of our best players.

Despite only selling one player so far, one website described it as a “mass exodus” which apparently “looks set to continue”. Perhaps you think that the departure of King Kev II, is another example of a player leaving to do great things for another team (e.g. Giussepe Rossi, Jon Dahl Tomasson).

The truth is that many players who left to much rancour amongst the fan base have shown that life after the Gallowgate is not so great. Here are ten players from the last ten years who have given me reason to think that losing the likes of Kevin Nolan shouldn’t be mourned too vehemently.

Hugo Viana – The Portuguese “whizzkid” was supposed to bring skill and technical brilliance to our midfield when Sir Bobby shelled out €12 million to bring him from Sporting Lisbon in 2002. He thoroughly underwhelmed despite being not bad with the ball at his feet.

After two years and 39 appearances we decided to loan him back to Sporting in 2004/05 where he almost matched his record of Newcastle appearances in a season, but Sporting couldn’t be persuaded to take him for £1.5 million and thus he went to Valencia for not very much, if anything at al in fact.

They subsequently found him to be a bit **** and loaned him round the Iberian peninsula until Braga became his current home. Rather amazingly he has been to two World Cups in the same teams as Luis Figo and Cristiano Ronaldo, and has a third place medal, which is more than any England footballer has musterted in the last 40 years!

Jonathan Woodgate – Woody arrived from Leeds for a whopping fee of £9 million smackers. A known racist thug convicted for wailing on some Asian fella (sorry don’t remember the guy’s name or even nationality) with fellow Toon underperformer and future on pitch scrapper Lee Bowyer, he was very much the fore-runner of a certain Mr. Barton.

He was actually brilliant on the pitch. which was not frequently enough, and even less frequently for Real Madrid and Spurs via a reasonably fit run at Middlesbrough. Spurs have released him after paying him extortionate wages for someone who basically lies on a treatment table for most of the season.

Michael Chopra – Chopra was supposed to become the player that Andy Carroll almost did. Often touted as the next Alan Shearer in his youth, his crowning glory was scoring against 5under1and and then missing a sitter for them while later wearing their colours. That feat earned him the nickname “agent Chopra” round these parts. Now plying his trade for annual play-off bottlers Cardiff, he remains, well, ****.

Jermaine Jenas – Many thought his arrival from Nottingham Forest was shrewd business from Uncle Bobby for around £5 million. He flattered to deceive many, and when things were going badly he claimed that being round the Toon was like being in a goldfish bowl. He joined the Spuds and now can be seen warming their bench real good, as he has lots of practice at it. He is probably destined for pastures new in either the lower half of the Premier League or the higher echelons of the Championship. He did bear a striking resemblance to…

Kieron Dyer – And you thought that Woody would be the most injury prone player on the list. Dyer had electrifying pace and no small amount of skill. Many thought career rejuvenation was due at West Sham and that the Toon would rue selling him. Two words come to mind. Dodged and bullet. An expensive, gold-plated bullet at that.

James Milner – Milner looked to have been the one that got away last year as he became an England regular under the tutelage of Martin O’Neill. Unfortunately he’s now gone the way of Gareth Barry. He is currently on massive wages for mediocre football at Man City.

Craig Bellamy – After falling out with Graeme Souness (who was in the Ruud Gullet class of terrible Toon managers) he was shipped off to Celtic on loan. He spent most of his time mouthing off in Glasgea and told one opposition player during a cup match that “he’d be cutting his grass this summer”.

Despite brief but promising spells at West Sham (boy we’ve sold them some ****!) and Blackburn, he is currently in exile from Man City having been fairly average in a league where Marlon Harewood scored goals for fun.

Shay Given – The sale of Shay hurt me. He was a legend at this club and had been regularly touted as the best goalie in the league whilst at Newcastle. That he’s warming the bench of Man City is an atrocity, but is also a warning to Jose Enrique when it comes to thinking that the grass may be greener elsewhere. His appearance on the bench of the FA Cup final however represents the only silverware for anyone on this list apart from…

Obafemi Martins – The Nigerian 54-year-old teen sensation was brought by Glen Roeder who actually had a fairly good record as Toon manager, with no other incumbent having finished higher in the league since his dismissal.

Martins’ was the epitome of Roeder’s side. Massively inconsistent, Ameobi like some may say. He was shipped off to Wolfsburg after relegation, where he couldn’t get a game ahead of Grafite and Edin Dzeko and he’s not even good enough for some Russian team you’ve only heard of because they bought Obafemi (Rubin Kazan).

He was loaned to Birmingham for a 2 minute glory-filled appearance in the League Cup final but has now been shipped back to Russia following their subsequent relegation – his second in as many seasons in England.

Sebastian Bassong – Don’t believe the hype of the Gallowgate is the message of this article. Too late for Seb to learn that now. He can’t even get a game at Spuds despite Ledley King and Woody being in ICU for almost a year. We all thought he was a great loss and we were lumbered with Fabricio Coloccini in the Championship. How things change……

So who have I missed? Who else did the Toon sell that you thought were going to come back to bite us, but turned out to be toothless? I could have added a lot of names to this list myself, but thought it was long winded enough.

Or maybe you think King Kev II will come up trumps for the Irons. Please try and tell me why you think this could happen?

Note from Toonsy: Thanks to Michael82 for submitting this article. I usually despise top ten lists (pet hate of mine) but I have to admit this one makes a cracking point!

About toonsy

A lifelong Newcastle fan and current webmaster of this very 'blog who has the sole aim of creating a place by Newcastle United fans, for Newcastle United fans.

192 thoughts on “10 reasons why the grass isn’t always greener.

  1. Bobby are you taking the ****??

    Klitschko isnt german and he already is the champion 😕

      (Quote)

  2. Not really toonsy, the article is about players who the fans weren’t happy to see go and failed at their next club. If Barton and Enrique both left and totally flopped at their next club would that mean we wouldn’t miss them?

    The point is that just because they left and weren’t very good at their next club doesn’t mean anything. Maybe we had their best years – we failed to replace any of them and we suffered the consequences.

    You need to look at their performances for us and judge them on their replacements and how they performed and where the club headed after they left.

    Its never as simple as these articles paint it.

      (Quote)

  3. Bobby Shinton number 9 says:
    July 2, 2011 at 20:16
    @santii
    I don’t want to see a german winning the world heavy weight title.

    The Klitschko brothers are from the Ukraine Bobby. Hows your reality train going? 😕

      (Quote)

  4. DJG
    July 2, 2011 at 20:24 (Edit)

    “The Klitschko brothers are from the Ukraine Bobby. Hows your reality train going?”

    To the wrong destinations by the sounds of it 😆

      (Quote)

  5. @toonsy

    Have a word with santii and DJG . Woo hoo hoo hoo.

    I thought I was never going to get a bite. It took 3 posts and a bigger worm each time.

    Hook, line, DJG and Santii . Woo hoo hoo hoo. 😆

      (Quote)

  6. Oh dear.

    Revised.

    Hook, line, toonsy, DJG, and Santii!!!! 😆

    That was some bait I attached there! 😆

      (Quote)

  7. stevewraith steve wraith
    The Newcastle No9. | NUFC Blog – Newcastle United Blog nufcblog.co.uk/2011/06/17/new…
    3 minutes ago

      (Quote)

  8. Yeah yeah booby, gan back to sleep, I’ll wake you up when we sign our new striker and it’s **** in Fenwicks time. 😉

      (Quote)

  9. Bobby Shinton number 9 says:
    July 2, 2011 at 20:07
    @santii
    Klitchko has a massive advantage fighting in his own country Germany. Do you agree?

    Oh right if I had seen that I would have click, but seeing as I had just booted up and read your last comment you got me. 🙂

    Some winder uper you are bobby 😉 nice one keep it up. We all could learn a great deal from you. 😆 (my last sentence was sarcastic incase you don’t understand in you self glorifying interlude)

      (Quote)

  10. @DJG

    I think Toonsy and Santii have just run a cold bath! 😛

      (Quote)

  11. @stu

    I’m sure you’ve heard Wraiths views. What do you make of them?

      (Quote)

  12. I don’t think they are as bothered as you to be honest. Remember Bobby, he who laughs last laughs the longest; and the night is young. 😉

      (Quote)

  13. @DJG

    I didn’t think you would take it quite so badly. 😉

      (Quote)

  14. @hitman
    Who do you fancy to win.
    Haye or Klit?

    I believe Haye will be too quick and mobile for Klit.

      (Quote)

  15. One of my neigbours is having a party outside and playing ABBA. 😈 It’s really awful. 😆

      (Quote)

  16. @DJG

    It looks like you are biting everytime tho . 😆

      (Quote)

  17. Gutted I can’t watch it…I start work at 10 🙁

    Haye to knock him out within 6 rounds 😉

      (Quote)

  18. Bobby Shinton number 9 says:
    July 2, 2011 at 20:46
    @hitman
    Who do you fancy to win.
    Haye or Klit?
    I believe Haye will be too quick and mobile for Klit.

    I still think you know nothing about boxing. 😀

    The bookies have gone for Klitchko and I can understand why. The judges, the ref and most of the crowd will be on Klitchko’s side. Haye is giving away 2 stone and 3 inches to Klitchko. He is not a true heavyweight. If you want my prediction Klitchko will take it the distance and win on judges decision or knock him out in last rounds. He is just too big and athletic, Haye has to knock him out and he won’t because Klitchko will hold and exhaust him. 😉

      (Quote)

  19. hang on there DJG,what about the veluev fight,but your reet he has to take this bloke out.

      (Quote)

  20. @DJG

    I don’t think you know anything about boxing?

    Hmmmm. 😕

      (Quote)

  21. Valuev is a giant, not a boxer in my opinion. Klitchko is a boxer, not a vey good one but boxing (and heavyweight boxing) is at about it’s lowest point in 100 years IMHO.

    Never underestimate how hard it is to win in a boxers home county (or adopted home counry) it is almost impossible and I just can’t see Haye knocking him out.

      (Quote)

  22. @DJG

    I’ve got to be honest I haven’t seen much of Klit but I believe Haye is more than capable of causing an upset .

    Natural boxer and an athlete. The only thing is with Heavyweights as we all know, it takes one punch and if Klit gets his full force behind one then no one is gonna be on their feet.

    However, Haye has the tools to put him on the back foot and defeat him.

      (Quote)

  23. wheres reg varney gone thought he would be buzzin getting a plug from steve wraith 😆

      (Quote)

  24. Steve Wraith – Your comments got eaten by the spam filter for some reason. I’ve fished them all out now like 🙂

      (Quote)

  25. bobby

    All it takes is one punch mate, and Haye is quick and powerful enough to catch him. Good luck to him. He talks so much he has to do something or it will just be embarrasing.

      (Quote)

  26. Remember when Ricky Fattun went to the states and fought Mayweather and he just took him apart. 😆 It was a total boxing lesson to Ricky Hatton.

      (Quote)

  27. Who’s going to tell Steve Wraith what theyve said about him in the past? 😆

      (Quote)

  28. Our flurry in the transfer market seems to have died a death…could this be the end of the incomings ?

      (Quote)

  29. happy to be here lads and lasses…im no fans spokesman..never have been..never could be…i have my own views and opinions…can admit when i’m wrong…i’m anti ashley and can’t stand SAFC….yes i visited the krays…that doesn’t meam i’m a wannabee gangster…i was a doorman for 18 years…probably one of the most pleasant in the toon which served me quite well….i now run an events company in North East and do a bit of writing and acting…i was persuaded to come onto the forum by a few men in uniform! So here I am…

      (Quote)

  30. Ha. Steve Wraith has ignored my texts! 😛

    Im his only ally as well. 😆

      (Quote)

  31. …i was persuaded to come onto the forum by a few men in uniform! So here I am…

    they wernt traffic wardens were they

      (Quote)

  32. Bobby – Some of his views I agree with, others I’m not too sure of.

    I think I agree on most of his views on Ashley though.

      (Quote)

  33. hey steve i have 2 questions for you

    1..was the judas pushed or did he hand in a transfer request..

    2..were in the hell did you here we have a 25k a week salary cap..

    are i welcome to the blog 😆

      (Quote)

  34. Welcome along Steve. You talk utter white at times, but as you say, its your opinion and your entitled to it. At least you take it all in the way its intended though and don’t get arsey about it if people do question your opinions 😉

    Is it time for a wage cap thread? 😆

      (Quote)

  35. I’m still waiting for the abuse that Steve normally gets.

    Do you want me to trawl previous threads and copy/paste? 😕

    You know who you are. 😆

    I will give Stu a bye as he is the only one who has similar views on Ashley.

      (Quote)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *