We have built it, so why won’t they come?

The cathedral on the hill.
The magnificent St James' Park.
I have two dogs. One’s called Titus Charles, the other is Shola. Stick with me. I am going somewhere with this!

Titus is a Japanese Terrier type thing, called a Shiba Inu, and can best be described as not playing with a full deck, or a sausage short of a BBQ. In a more modern parlance you might say a Swan Vesta short of a riot. Of course I must stress that we didn’t know of his intellectual deficiency when we named him. I just wanted to stress that in case Titus Bramble’s lawyer is reading this.

In our old house Titus would run up three flights of stairs, turn around at the top then come tearing down them like someone had rubbed Ralgex on his little ginger sphincter, and then SPLAT! He’d hit the wall at the bottom of the stairs at Warp Factor 5.

All of our floors were tiled so you could hear this little canine Riverdance unravelling. An event referred to in our house as “Clickety Clickety Thud!”

The thing that concerned us however was that he would do this five or six times in quick succession, and after each thud he would lie there dazed for a while, before getting to his feet and heading back up the stairs again.

He only stopped when he was either too tired, or too dazed to walk back up the stairs.

Wasn’t it Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results?

It’s a bit like us with the transfer window. Here we are sitting waiting for the biggie. Waiting for today’s equivalent of another Alan Shearer or Michael Owen to be unveiled.

Remember how happy we were then? Isn’t it a shame we don’t mention them both in the same breath any more?

And guess what? Clickety Clickety Thud! Here we are again, surprised, not so much by hitting the wall at the bottom of the stairs, but more by the fact that it hurts.

No big spending. No big stars. Yet.

And we shouldn’t really be surprised, because while other managers are heading off to Harrods looking for talent with a bag full of crisp new fiftys, Ashley is sending Pardew shopping with an Argos card and a discount voucher.

I’m sure by now we all appreciate the requirement for this frugality. Not because it has been explained to us, but more because we’ve figured it out ourselves. Even maybe been through it ourselves.

As a youngster I had a mortgage, a Car Loan, a Bike Loan, Credit Cards, Store Cards, Bank Loan and an Overdraft. I was in debt up to the eyeballs, but jeez, was it fun. OK there was nothing in the bank at the end of the month, but back then that didn’t seem to matter .

Now that I’m a little older (it’s all relative) the mortgage and the car are paid off, any use of the credit cards and the overdraft is settled before the interest kicks in, and I seem to have a lot more money available. Yes, of course I’m older and earning a bit more, but not throwing money down the ******* every month in interest payments is the difference between just getting by and being comfortable.

And I’m sure it comes as no surprise to hear this didn’t happen overnight, but enough of the less than subtle lecture about money management, and how it will make us a better club.

There was a time, not so long ago when we expected, and even deserved, so much more during the transfer window. So why is it that we can no longer attract those considered “La crème de la crème”, and more often than not end up with from the “clotted cream” end of the dairy range?

Obviously there are a number of contributing factors at play here, not least of which has to be lack of “available” funds. I can already see the comments coming in about that one. By way of establishing a simple definition I’d say, if Ashley wants to spend it, then it’s “available”.

Could it be that we are not “big” enough? Well we already covered that in a previous article.

Another factor to be considered has to be the three stooges – Curly, Larry and Mo. That dynamic trio of Ashley, Llambias and Pardew. There was a time when great players were lining up to work under the likes of Robson, Dalglish and Keegan. Ok Kenny may not have produced the goods but he was still a legend. “Pardew Kinnear and Roeder” just doesn’t have the same ring.

I’m not having a dig at Pardew here, I actually think he’s doing a decent job within the constraints of his remit, but he’s certainly nowhere near being the draw that Keegan et al were, and his case is not being bolstered by those above him with what many of the fans perceive to be their “screw the fans” attitude.

If the personality and track record of your manager were going to be deciding factors then I would say Pardew possibly just has the edge over Roeder and Kinnear with only Wolves’ Mick McCarthy being a lesser “Motivator”. That leaves an awful lot of others above.

So what else hinders our progress? Lack of perceived ambition perhaps?

I say perceived because behind closed doors we may have a master plan comparable with that of Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein combined, but nobody knows about it because nobody is telling us.

I can’t help thinking that Hitler might have made a great Football Manager. With him it was all attack, attack, attack, and he was in Europe five years in a row, before finally being eliminated in the group phase in 1945.

Let’s not confuse ambition with success here. Hitler was ambitious, just not successful.

Maybe it’s the Language. A lot of foreigners (Spanish, French Welsh, etc) have enough trouble getting to grips with English, but having to then master Geordie on top is, let’s be honest, beyond a lot of footballers.

From my own point of view I would suspect that the biggest hurdle when it comes to attracting quality players has to be location.

St James Park – the Hallowed Turf – that Geordie Fortress, is almost in bloody Scotland!

Most foreigners (and a lot of Southerners too) think that Mel Gibson still carries out raids during weekends and bank holidays, and we surely have to be within range of his marauding, blue faced, kilt wearing, willy waving hordes.

And the local derbies? In London you get Arsenal, Chelsea and Spurs. In Manchester at least you get United or City. How about Liverpool or Everton?

If you come and play for Newcastle you get to go to visit the Mackems or the Smoggies. Or on a bad year, both.

Difficult to figure out why they are not all tearing up the M1 as we speak.

If that’s not bad enough we are actually further away from London than Sunderland. I mean, while going past Sunderland has always seemed to me to be one of the better things to do with it, it has to be a bit of a bizarre concept if you are coming from the south. A bit like going “to Hell and beyond!”

There was a rather comical article published a couple of years ago that suggested that many of the WAGs actually limit their other halves’ options when it comes to transfers by telling them where they might, and definitely will not, consider moving to. In this modern world of equality, feminism and wimpy footballers I would never even dare suggest that there is anything wrong with that.

But be honest, if after a hard 90 minutes, for which you’ve just earned 50 thousand quid, you can’t pop into Nobu or Cecconi’s after a game and “be seen” with the other A-List stars, then what‘s point of it all?

This probably explains our enthusiasm for signing youngsters. Get them up here and acclimatised before they get a taste for the clubs and restaurants.

So if you can get past all that what about the weather?

The first three times I took my beloved (sorry , that’s the missus, to most of you) to Scotland it was snowing. But there again, it was probably my own fault for having the audacity to go in the middle of August.

The North East is generally considered to be a good few degrees cooler than the South West, making it less desirable to those southern continentals and SSSs .

I use the word “cooler” because it makes it sound like we are comparing the Maldives to the Canaries, when in actual fact Finland to Siberia would probably be more accurate.

As we’re talking the difference between breaking into a sweat and losing body parts to frostbite, maybe “colder” would have been a better word.

Taking all the above into consideration isn’t it a bloody miracle that we ever manage to persuade anyone to join us at all?

No, not really. We have, and can fill, a 50,000 seater stadium almost every other weekend with screaming fanatical Geordies who live and breathe the Black and White, so unless you are fortunate enough to be being chased by either Man U or Arsenal, nothing else compares.

About toonsy

A lifelong Newcastle fan and current webmaster of this very 'blog who has the sole aim of creating a place by Newcastle United fans, for Newcastle United fans.

244 thoughts on “We have built it, so why won’t they come?

  1. Ah that’s pretty cool, it must be. I used to do jiu-jitsu a few years ago but gave up. Now play footy myself 😀

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  2. did you get loads of injurys?? aye i used to play footy but played like perch so packed it in lol!!! (i wasnt that bad) 😆

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  3. off topic , any1 seen the new film wrecked?? good film , get it downloaded!! me n my lass watched it and we really enjoyed it!!

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  4. I fell down the stairs when I was younger and there was one move where you had to throw yourself over like a somersault and I didn’t want to do that.

    Haha, I’m what’s called a utility player and I’m not a big fan of it either. So hoping to stick to one position this year

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  5. No I wasn’t comparing Aston Vile to Arsenal, just opening home fixture attendances.
    Our lowest crowd last season was 41k against B’Burn incidentally, which was a wednesday evening in november.
    Its a difficult thing to work out until the end of the season I guess, so I’ll have a look then and get back to you 😆

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  6. haha bet that was a canny thump zoe!! 😕

    haway then zoe – if you had to bet the 2 players pardue will have in by sunderland , who would it be and how much for each player??

    im gna take a wild and guess and say

    pieters 7m
    bendtner 7m

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  7. Yeah it’s been a weird start to the prem so far with none of the home teams winning. I expect Man City will be trying to bag a home win tomorrow

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  8. I think that will change tomorrow Army. Manc ali baba city at home to swansea. poor buggers

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  9. It was Army, hurt quite a bit but got to eat cold food such as ice cream so was a bonus cos I hurt the inside of my gums.

    I reckon Pardew will bring in

    Pieters 8 m

    Bendtner 9m

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  10. I agree with Booby, I mean Troy, dont think we will get in a striker ’til we lose 1 or 2. ie Ranger, who I hear Pardew isn’t too happy with again.

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  11. do you think we will spend 9 on bendtner?? i like him but dont think hes as gud as he think he is !! hope we dont get rodallega!! 😕

    pardue did say he is gna spend a bulk of the money on the next 2 players

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  12. I think Arsenal will be looking for more money, come to this conclusion with the saga of Fabregas. They want more money than a club has offered, so I think it will take a bit for them to accept. He’s not worth that amount of money but Wenger has been very stubborn over the money for his players.

    Yeah I don’t rate rodallega, would prefer bendtner even though his attitude may have to change a bit.

    I also think that we may be going for a striker who we’ve not been linked with, might come out of the blue and surprise us all

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  13. Glad the season has finally kicked off.
    Reckon it will be a tight one again much like last year. Top 3/4 pulling away, and not much between 5 and 20 up to xmas.

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  14. aye your probz right!! like the marveaux signing?? who heard of that coming?? ijust hope we sign a striker thats gna be pacey and alot of flare!! im tired now of watching shola!!

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  15. Yeah I didn’t know anything about Marveaux until he came to us. I hadn’t even heard of him making his way to liverpool for a medical and stuff.

    The problem with Shola is that at points he doesn’t put enough effort in and decides to fall down when we are in decent positions. Although he does score for us I think he needs to work a lot harder for us. I thought Best was a lot better than him when he came on

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  16. aye best is a better player but i still dont think hes good enough 4 the toon!! ba looked tired aswel!! the 2 i was well pleased with was obertan and cabaye!! obertans pace is frightening and hes got a nice touch and cabaye you can tell he puts 100% effort in every game!! hope benny recovers quickly and marveaux gets up 2 match fit then i think our team will be strong!!

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  17. Yeah, I think more fitness drills are in order for the team some of them didn’t look up to speed. Cabaye got better as the game went on but against arsenal he wasn’t really able to show us what he can do. Obertan will do very well for us, we’ve been lacking pace a bit in the squad and he will add a lot to our team. I think tiote needs extra training, he looked way off the pace and I’m sure that Gosling is pushing to partner Cabaye.

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  18. As this is my first time back on since the match and for a fair while before it, just thought I’d say my piece and i thought that Raylor did very well at left back. Considering he’s not even a bloody right back he did decently, overrall we probably got a fair result, if we’d had some more signings perhaps we could have pushed it, but at the same time they lacked Nasri and Fabregas so perhaps we can consider ourselves fortunate..

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  19. £11m for bendtner eh?
    so we have upped our bid to £7M ffs, do we have to be so penny pinching tight all the time?
    No doubt if they accept we will only offer the fella £20K/wk aswell 👿

    Just cant see us going for Bendtner.
    should have gone for Shane Long. Infact we should have made a sensible offer to Gameiro in the first place. 👿

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  20. Hello Newkie, he did have a few dodgy moments tho, but we got thru in the end. Which is all that matters now. 😆
    Wasn’t the best of games tho was it? esp the first 45.

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  21. I don’t think Long was ever on our radar tbh, I think we are in for someone who we haven’t been linked with and will surprise us all. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

    Army obviously Stoke is way too small for Bendtner’s ego 😀

    Did anyone see Pardew’s interview with Rebecca lowe on ESPN, he said the money is there for the right player. That sounded very interesting to me, they are looking at targets and it kinda meant that if they find the right striker then they will spend on him.

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  22. plus he will want bigger wages than we will offer.
    Plus I dont think he will buy into pardews vision for taking us forwards.
    Do you?

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  23. Zoe, dont forget tho, they are getting good at the pr bs.
    What they say and what they do are often complete opposites.

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  24. Beardsley-he had a couple, but I thought he came through well, considering he was against the pace of Gerviniho etc I had nightmares of him getting skinned all day, but he put his foot in when neccessary and got the job done like. Colo was a masterclass though and even Staylor did great, until he tried to run it out of defence and got caught by two arsenal players…standard game for him I suppose 😆

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  25. Yeah, they have a sneaky way of saying one thing which means something different.

    Just hope we make moves to bring a striker in and hopefully Pieters deal can be done after his bereavement in his family

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  26. aye newkie, plus Jonas seemed to stay deep to support him a wee bit, which was good in a way.

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  27. Will be happy when we get the new lad in, but worried that we end up insulting him and it all falls thru.

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  28. Aye Beardsley-he definitely needed it, he’s probably better on the left than on the right because Barton simply can’t help out as much as Jonas can. Just as well he didn’t need to cope with Nasri or something because Gervy didn’t really impress me that much, just seemed like a quick Shola or something.

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  29. weyyy im off to bed everyone , hope yous are all ok , speak to yous 2mora and hopefully we are close to a signing or 3 😀 night night

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  30. Aye, I miss those mythic days when we bought the best in the world – Eusebio, Pele, Di Stefano, Maradonna. Wish we could attract those guys again. 🙄

    As for Troy/Bobby … as long as we have a proper person giving a point of view I’m ok with anything he says. I’m just not that interested in the ravings of a made up character, although the opportunity to analyse the hysteria of a fan group was lovely. O well, just have to wait for Moreno to write something about his dreams now I suppose. 😉

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  31. That was pretty much what Paul Merson said on Sky Sports the other day. We are not in the same league as Arsenal, Chelsea, Man Utd etc but we are the next tier down purely because of the weekly £50k plus week in week out. He said if he were still playing and those top of the pile clubs werent coming knocking, he would sign for Newcastle in a flash.

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  32. Incidentally, I read Jamie Redknapp’s predictions for the coming season. Basically he see’s Newcastle as a total laughing stock, thinks we should have spent way more than we have and says we will do well to finish 1 place above the relegation places. Now I know I look at our mighty club through rose tinted glasses, but this guy is mental. No wonder he has not gone into management because he is obviously clueless. I’d be shocked if we fail to match last season’s achievements in the very least. Not expecting Europe at all, but reckon with a good season we could be looking at top 8 or 9.

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  33. As you guys know I was corporating yesterday, no prawn sarnies just lobster, disgrace.
    Anyway, in the inner sanctum,
    Erik Pieters dun deal,
    Erdink nearly there, left out of PSG squad,
    Joey signing 3x year deal.
    Could be worse, no?

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  34. CT if that is true then good news. Personally would much rather see Barton go and be replaced, however he offers a bit of Britsh bite….

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  35. Sham mate, I agree but couple of lil probs with your post,
    Merson was referring to 50k supporters, not £50k wages every wk.
    I think Jamies dad `Arry is the manager. but like you I`m still hopeful top ten finish.

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  36. Haha that’s what I meant. Bit of a massive mistake really! That Redknapp article really did p*ss me off. I know this is a hyped up club but no need for that.

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  37. Yes, expect to hear Pardew coming out and saying he told “Mike” in no uncertain terms, that either Barton gets a contract or he walks,lol. And big mick decided to back his manager blah blah bullcrap etc. And we’ll all suck it up and luv Pardew all the more yeah. mmmmmmm ❗

    So are we all going to be happy with our new striker Erdinc, who would rather warm the bench at PSG than come here ? I guess money does talk in the end 😕
    Defies all logic giving shola a new contract tho. Got me a feeling its something to do with keeping the local lad at the club so as not to cause further unrest among the natives after the judas debacle. If so, it just goes to show how clueless and out of touch the board really is. 👿

    I’ll be very happy with the Pieters deal IF it goes thru ❓ £7M seems like a fair price for an intl defender. Just hope he settles in quickly, unlike Judas 2 who took 2yrs. I think having Tim Krul as a team mate will go a long way to helping sort that.

    Bring on the mighty unwashed on sat. Cant wait.
    HOWAY THE LADS.

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  38. @brisvegas

    When was Bobby a made up character? It’s me with a pseudonym? I’m sure you aren’t called Brisvegas like I’m not really Bobby Shinton, though I sometimes wonder what goes thro people’s minds.
    All the posts Bobby did were actually my views. Sorry for confusing the life out of you. I didn’t think it was a hard concept to grasp. 🙄

    As for the original Troy. It was a **** take character based on the charvers of the west end I’ve met over the years.

    Just like Andy Carroll, bobby was forced (technically) to leave the blog. I was facing a permanent ban unless I stopped, so called undermining people. I disagree that I was doing it and many others have expressed that as well, but I now have to change my direct approach or face a ban. 😕

    Hence Troy is off the drugs now and trying not to upset people but I still seem to yet do it by disagreeing only with someone’s viewpoint .

    Maybe people should look at themselves before trying to get me banned. 😕

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  39. seems Erdinc is injured – that’s why he didnt play this weekend. And there’s nothing new linking him with us on the French sites at the mo.
    Mark Douglas from the Journal speculated on his tw@tter feed that the striker we eventually sign ‘could still be our mate Mevlut’

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  40. If it’s a one out and one in policy which seems evident, who is next out the door.?

    I still don’t believe we will pay the required higher wages for a worthwhile striker. There is nothing to suggest we will so why believe it?

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  41. its gotta be Ranger.
    Apparently he has pissed off Pardew again with his lack of proffesionalism, time keeping etc 👿

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  42. Troy @ 205 Whatever you say, mate, whatever you say. 🙄

    Look forward to reading your comments.

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  43. Troy, don’t think we’re playing that one in, one out game unless its for the big salaries – so maybe it would be Smith, Barton or Colo.

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  44. @brisvegas

    Out of interest, were you happy with the sheer lack of creativity from the midifield and sheer lack of fire power up front, or are you just focusing on the positive that we got a point at home to a very poor Arsenal side. ?

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  45. @Archie

    To bring a good striker in we need to spend big cash. Ashley won’t spend unless he gets a player sold for decent money.

    Smith is on too high a wage and therefore will sit out his final year of his contract, Barton is up for a free and that leaves Colo. There would be hell on if they sold him now.

    I just don’t see a striker of any worth coming here. We do not pay good enough wages which decent strikers command.

    Pards know that as well IMO and it’s all hot air from the regime to fool the fans. History tells us that so why believe different?

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  46. Troy @ 211 Way to go with the loaded questions, eh. But I’ll answer what I think you should have asked if you were really interested in my opinion.

    The midfield wasn’t creative but it did a grand job of defending. The attack wasn’t very potent, but that too contributed to a good defensive display.

    Arsenal may not have been good but there’s an old saying that you are only play as well as the opposition lets you. That fact is that Newcastle defended well and Arsenal couldn’t break us down.

    I wouldn’t be happy to see that sort of display every week but on the day we got the basic result our tactics were designed to get. Hopefully next week, there’ll be different tactics to suit a different circumstance and we’ll get a better result.

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  47. @brisvegas

    I would not have asked the question if I wasnt interested.

    That’s a fair assessment however I can’t help being concerned that we showed not one bit of creativity and not one save for the keeper to make in 90 mins.

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  48. @Troy – I would think they have already committed to a striker and a left back and put the funds aside for that from the legendary 35 million, plus Enriques fee.

    If Colo goes we are then looking for a centre back aswell. That would be one in one out.

    Dont know why you think they would even want to try to fool us?
    They are perfectly happy just ignoring us.

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  49. Did anyone notice the NEWCASTLE UNITED sign on the East stand.
    They’ve obviously started taking it down then changed their minds and hurriedly put it back up before the kick off.
    It hasn’t been picked up but it was wrote;
    NEWCASTLE UNTIED.
    😳

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  50. “Ashley won’t spend” 😯 I don’t think you realise how expensive all those SportsDirect signs are fella 😉

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  51. @Troy, have to say that a point against any of the big teams, regardless of which team they put out is a result, but that doesnt mean we are, or have to be, happy with the perfomance.
    Have to think that having Gosling, the return of Ben Arfa, and Cabaye settling in might make the midfield a bit more creative

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  52. @Archie

    You might find this difficult to believe but there are many fans who will fall for the rhetoric spouted by the regime. 😕

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  53. To be honest tho this was potentially a really tough game for us, and after the shambolic pre season debacle, a draw was a fair result.
    We all know it is going to take a while for the team to gel.
    The fact enrique left the day before is typical of this regimes total lack of football nouse. We just seem to roll from one disaster to the next without a hint of a plan or care in the world.
    Really infuriating.

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  54. @Archie

    People are pinning high hopes on Gosling. He was a bit part player at Everton though considered to have potential. I’m not holding my breath though some would love me to. 😆

    Cabaye looked well off the pace for me but I accept it will take him a while to settle.

    HBA did have a cracking debut for us and comes with a good reputation but he has suffered a major lay off and it could take a lot longer for him to live up to his expectations.

    I accept this was the first game and against superior opposition no matter if they have a weakened squad at the moment, but my worries before the game was our lack of fire power and that was glaringly evident during the game.

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  55. agree Bris, but I think we will improve from here on. We can hardly play any worse, surely 😕

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