A rough translation of the latest NUFC statement

It's business to them.
One of the big bones of contention amongst the fans currently is the level of communication from within St James’ Park. Perhaps I should say lack of communication? Maybe even complete blackout from within the corridors of power at the Cathedral on the Hill?

Which is why it was surprising and refreshing to catch wind of the fact that NUFC were planning on releasing some form of statement. It’s not the done thing at the club these days so it would be nice to hear a bit about what is going on from those upstairs instead of them leaving Alan Pardew to play the media flute.

I really can’t say that I’m surprised at what I’m going to type, but in a way I wish that they’d not bothered. What was served up was one of the most patronising, self-serving, pointless statements that I’ve ever read. If you haven’t read it for yourself yet you can view it on the official club website here or alternatively you can just read on as it’s here in its full glory.

Here goes…

“Now that the transfer window has closed, we have had some time to reflect on the business we have conducted over the summer.”

“Our aim was to secure young players who represented value for money and could add real strength to the squad. The majority of our transfer dealings were completed in the early part of the window and we feel we have signed some players of exceptional quality. Yohan Cabaye, Sylvain Marveaux, Mehdi Abeid, Demba Ba and Gabriel Obertan were all brought in early and we have seen these players settle quickly into the squad and perform well on the pitch.”

“Earlier this week we were delighted to sign Davide Santon from Inter Milan to fill our left-back position after the departure of Jose Enrique. Davide is an excellent young prospect and we’re sure he’ll be another superb addition to the squad. We also welcomed young goalkeeper Rob Elliot from Charlton Athletic who will help us retain healthy competition for that position after loaning out Fraser Forster to Celtic.”

“Of course we had also hoped to secure a further striker in the window, in addition to Demba Ba. Work to bring a striker into the club began early in the summer. Negotiations were complex and protracted and unfortunately it was disappointing that ultimately we could not secure our priority target.”

“Whilst we did turn our attention to alternative prospects in the latter stages of the window, we have a very clear transfer policy and will not make knee-jerk decisions at the last-minute which are not in the best interests of the club. We understand that supporters will feel frustrated that we did not sign another striker during the window, but it was not for lack of trying that we did not bring our final target in.”

So what does this tell us? Well to be honest it’s not a lot different to what fans have been saying anyway. I’ve not heard many people slag off the new signings and most recognise that they could turn out to be very good for us. Fair play on that one.

It’s the bit about trying for the second striker that gets me. It strikes me that the board don’t really “try” that much at all, which gets hidden behind this current business model where the best interests of the club are, apparently, at heart.

The bit about not making knee-jerk decisions also made me chuckle. Like sacking Chris Hughton wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction. Like bidding for Charles N’Zogbia, Kieron Richardson and Bryan Ruiz wasn’t knee-jerk. Like letting last seasons Player of the Season leave for absolutely nothing wasn’t knee-jerk. Like only selling away tickets to people who pay Β£25 for a membership after the Darlington fiasco wasn’t knee-jerk.

It seems that there have been plenty of of knee-jerk decisions to me.

It just makes me chuckle at how little thought and effort has been put into this statement. Once again they had a chance to really explain things and set out some ambitions rather than keeping us in the dark. Unfortunately it almost seems as though writing this was something that somebody didn’t actually want to do. It doesn’t even sound finished for fucks sake. Where is that PR woman? She needs sacking.

To sign off with I’ll once again reiterate that I never expected anything else but the bare minimum from Fatman and Throbbin. The disdain they show towards the fans is incomprehensible at times considering the fact that we are actually customers in one form or another. It would be nice to be treat like one for a change…

Rather than be treat as an inconvenience.

About toonsy

A lifelong Newcastle fan and current webmaster of this very 'blog who has the sole aim of creating a place by Newcastle United fans, for Newcastle United fans.

148 thoughts on “A rough translation of the latest NUFC statement

  1. I could be wrong, I could be right,
    I could be black and fkn white,
    I could be right, I could be wrong,
    I could be white and fkn black.

    Your time has come, your second skin.
    You climb so high and gain so low.
    Walk through the valley.
    The written word is a lie.

    May the road rise with you……


  2. Troy, divnt bring Terry Nutkins inti this FFS. Everything he said in court was based on false evidence. Besides, I was nowhere near swimming pool, and the badgers were already dead beforehand. I’m clean.


  3. Rodz

    You are mental beyond the realms of all positivity!

    Let’s sit down and discuss what you are doing to yourself in case anyone realises they have realised what you are doing to yourself and realises they are sitting down and discussing you!

    Did you just say that? Or was it you?

    Now chew the fat and forget the pigeon has been eardropping on our conversation .

    Now move over before I reach the clutch pedal and tell you what I really meant before you eat your cornflakes and cornflakes!


  4. Ok thanks Toonsy @59. At least we seem to have what is an average number of players in the squad. I don’t understand why we left the attempt for Ridgewell so late as well. Only 3 M pounds. Was the offer too low I wonder? He would have been a decent addition in case of injury. No mention of that deal in the Llambias statement. Surely in addition to the Ruiz attempt another example of “knee-jerk decisions at the last minute”?


  5. Who mentioned Terry Nutkins?

    He’s that bloke who drove a Morris called Jonny and whistled to the birds whilst doing impersonations of Peter Purvis and Shep!

    Woof woof!

    Who was that barking!?

    Was that you Purvis!?

    I will kill you !

    Calm doon everyone it’s all in hand.

    Gan back to bed.

    Eh? Who was you ?


  6. Big Dave were not in trouble come january , because we won’t be signing anyone then anyhow . The 35 million was always a signal to other teams to up the price , trouble is it was both points really . We signed Ba then he should of told everyone thats our new striker and kept his mouth shut and still kept looking . I think he thought Erdnic would definatly come and stopped actively looking for others until it was too late . The longer it went on the more desperate the search became. Teams knowing we wanted a PACEY striker and not just any sort of striker were all thinking jackpot and the agents of the players too . Thats my point , he should not be coming out and telling everyone what we need . Lets face it we lost Carroll and we got BA , 1 for 1 . The outside world should have ben led to belive we would leave it at that . It was the same with the LB situation PSV held out for more money because they thought we would pay top dollar for Pieters . Luckly enough Inter wanted shot of the new lad or we would be stuck with Raylor as our Lb .


  7. I wonder if there were any bids rejected for any of our players or if there was a confidentiality clause. I had half expected them to come out and say, ‘A bid of over Β£10M was rejected for Chiek Tiote’ or something like that.



    : ) : P : D : ) ) = ) ) = D > πŸ™ 8) 😑 razz πŸ˜› neutral 😐 wink πŸ˜‰


  9. Rodz get serious fella. You know it makes many people admire Vanessa Feltz beyond the belief.


    Ha. You thought I was jokin there didn’t you. I wasn’t. I was actually seriously bending the door back on the Merc so I could get in and eat the ……

    Ooh I didn’t finish that sentence for it was expected as well as you two.


  10. Troy, I find complicated pretty easy – simples (while I punch myself in the face repeatedly for saying ‘simples’, like a ****)


  11. Rodz

    You complicate for simplying sake and you don’t know you are definitely confusing mattresses.

    Ha. I caught you out there I know it.

    Don’t let it affect you, just ask the mattress it matters.

    Woo hoo hoo hoo coo coo coo

    Is that the pigeon!



  12. Just a thought … no Pardew, but a press release. Is it possible Pardew took a stand and refused to be a patsy?

    Just a comment on us being consumers … we are more than that. We are supporters. We don’t just buy a product; we support it. I don’t see crowds of Nike fans singing outside shops and going wild every time a shoe is sold. Football fans are more like de facto shareholders. We have an emotional share in the club.

    As for protests … I guess it’s a personal thing. Seems to me though that watching games on telly supports Sky, who give your money to the club anyway. I’d say the best protest would be to picket Sports Direct stores. Shareholders there wouldn’t like that at all. That needs organisation, though. Little chance of seeing that.


  13. Right off to bed.

    Has NUTKINS got my mattress!


    Fizzin with today’s statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I hate Lambias with a passion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m not going back until the regime leaves !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  14. Troy, I’ve seen a few people in my practise with ‘Nutkin Syndrome’, the inexplicable urge to shout the name of irrelevant TV presenters. I too am an ex sufferer, and spent 6 years MICHAEL FKN ASPEL in rehab before I saw the first signs of a possible PHILLIP BASTARD SCHOFIELD recovery.

    All I can DAVID DICKINSON say is keep searching for that burgin.


  15. On this knee jerk reaction thing… You all saying we bid for Ruiz no we didn’t the twente chief said we didn’t. How do we know we bid for n zog it was denied by whelan.

    Ridgewell and Richardson wasnt confirmed either way… Im sorry but all of these knee jerk examples are utter rollicks just made up by SSN.


  16. Just got home and sat down at my computer thinking “Okay, I can settle in to read that statement.”

    So much for settling in.

    I have to say I’m surprised. I expected or hoped for a lot more. Stupid of me, I suppose.

    “Grossly inadequate,” “utterly tone-deaf,” “more harm than good,” and “It took you two days to formulate that?” are some of the phrases that come to mind.

    How can they be




    What assholes these men are.

    The policy in and of itself is not wrongheaded in the main. But there are times to make exceptions. This was one of them, if only for simply restoring some ****ing good faith in the fans.

    What ****ing assholes these men are.


  17. ….can’t be arsed with this fkn International **** like. England, aye alreet.

    Well looking forward to the QPR game, really hope Joey doesn’t get booed, don’t think he will in light of recent days activity.

    Guaranteed to be a firecracker. Barton and Taarabt in midfield. We’ll have problems.

    I hope Barton scores. And he will, Baba Vanga told me. She also said he would calmly walk away whilst signalling mutual respect to the Geordie faithful.

    It’s a banker lads, get on it.


  18. Been out tonight with my mates and discussed our club, to start with we all said what se would love is a good team, then after 2 more pints, we said fm that we deserve more a top 6 team. Then 2 pints later we concluded Ashley is a
    Filthy fAced liar who Milks us for all he can get. Top and bottom of this is **** the sustainable model make us proud and happy. We love our club through all the **** and lies, we are NuFc better thN Stoke Ttnham avilla,. All the other also rans. Lamearse Ashley pull ya fingers out. PRDEW was never the man but give the bloke credit for all the **** he puts up with. One pissed and confused MAG. Thank you s Bruce for making the scum absolutely ****.


  19. Fuck, Rodz, I’m sorry.

    Just reading through the comments here and agree with Troy & others that financially hurting these ****ers should be the key.

    Maybe a gradual strategy. Start, as Bris suggests: Stage One–publicly targeting Sports Direct.

    Stage Two–Move on after a while to the “No purchase in the stadium.”

    Stage Three–Then the “boycott home games & support from the pub.”

    We could even arrange trips to the training ground to show the players & Pards it’s not them we’re boycotting…

    And the ultimate goal, is… fan ownership.

    Stick away the money we save on replicas, pints & pies at the stadium and crap from Sports Direct and put it toward a fan ownership scheme.

    Pipe dreaming, sure, but that’s where these things start. And I love Hitman’s phrase “Geordie Autumn.”

    If they could drive out Mubarak, a man who would actually have them killed as soon as look at them, well…


  20. Santon-This is an ambitious club that wants to move forward πŸ˜†

    Wonder what bull**** they feed these foreign imports…no wonder we can’t sign or keep good players from England as they are aware what a **** tip the board are turning it into.


  21. Sad thing is the same ****s who think Leon Best and Demba Ba are quality footballers will swallow this **** – the club can say what they like


  22. …’moving forward’, I’d like to use a bullsh1t business buzzphrase, that basically means nothing. I don’t know what I’m talking about, and nor can I entertain anything outside my comfort zone. πŸ˜€


  23. 10-15m on Striker – 6th-11th finish
    0-0m on Striker – 10th-16th finish

    …..without injuries.

    (and yes, I know we’re all gona die)




  24. FSOTC, all Positivicons are currently being swept up by NPLP4, that’s Negatron Propaganda Litter Police, 4 Unit.

    None shall pass.


  25. …yeah, David Beckham is pretty good. I’d have that Terry Henry too. He’s meant to be canny like. He would of been mint.


  26. …actually pretty funny though, all the same.

    …excuse my lack of massive LOLs or other relevant yellow spherical graphic devices.

    TOONSY, kinell, I thought you were the voice of the people?!

    You take away our smilies, yet still expect us to smile(?)

    Talk about cut-backs.

    Where’s the ****ing JUDITH CHALMERS emoticon panel?


  27. Toonsy = Emoticon Nazi
    Toonsy = Emoticon Nazi
    Toonsy = Emoticon Nazi
    Toonsy = Emoticon Nazi
    Toonsy = Emoticon Nazi
    Toonsy = Emoticon Nazi



  28. Not a fan of the emoticons myself.

    Great screaming jesus, I just looked at the games available tomorrow and the “highlight” appears to be Scotland vs. Czech Republic.

    I may as well just kill myself now.

    Right. Off for the night. Try not to burn your house down, Rodz.

    Incidentally, yer can listen to a whole album of blazing noise-math-rock instrumentals here. I’m streaming it live now and it kicks ass.



  29. Clearly most of you do not know what you want. You call for a statement and go about your feelings and a lack of communication, when you get one you criticise it and call it rubbish. Now some of you say they are telling us what we already knew, have you thought perhaps thats why they were reluctant to give one because there was nothing you did not know.

    Look if you are going to support the club you are going to have to support Ashley and Llambias. They are not deliberately or unintentionally destroying the club simply to spite you don’t be so arrogant as to think they would destroy their millions of pounds investment to spite any of you.

    They have the best interests of the club it is you who must keep your ambitions in order.


  30. It’s probably our best transfer window for years, so totally disagree with the pundits/fans etc! Also, it’s tiresome to hear comments from Shearer, Barton, etc as well as the dour stance of many fans.


  31. Michael12, sorry I thought I’d made it clear, I’d like 4 Margheritas, 2 Pepperonis, and a bottle of Diet Pepsi please. Thanks.


  32. …am just glad the ‘Rodzilla’ shift walker turned up on time the neet like; did a fkn 30hooa day yistaday like. Mentil.


  33. Michael12 – it is not that they are deliberately damaging the club. Their record is one of endless errors. Taking seven months to deliver a striker simply adds to their list.
    Personally I think the fans unrest, falling gates, lack of communication and conflicts over contract negotiations is making us a less attractive proposition. Ashley and Llambias have a reputation. Additionally giving the impression you are finished at Newcastle at 28/29 is hardly putting us in the frame with agents and players.


  34. Guess why Elliot came in ? Cos they know there will be a very healthy bid in for Krul in january. Cynicle or what. + ACs 35 mill will be 36
    due to intrest come Jan.
    Every thing s a negative with this lot isn’t it. Ho-Hum.


  35. I cant understand what’s up with you guys. The club just made a statement stating merely the facts and came up with an excuse on the striker fiasco. they also point out that they’ve secured Ba, which most people tend to forget. Now, why the hate? Because they dont show heart! Well take a look around and tell me which owners show emotions for their club, they are all frigging businessmen and they want profit. And a businessman wants his business to be running good, so clearly there is no point in saying that ashley is deliberately destroying the club. The guy is rich because he is shrewd and knows his things. Just because the fans hate him won’t make him do bad things to his business. I’m not supporting him but im rather bemused by the idea of deserting the club, in the ashley regime. Its suicidal, if it happens its going to kill the club. Players morale, dressing rooms morale and fans morale, its going to hit so low that its never going to pick up from there.


  36. Well we know where we stand. The owners will continue to try and run the club in a cost effective way and maintain a reasonable Premier League position until we have no debt, plenty of assets and look very attractive to potential buyers. Until then, they will do their homework on transfer targets rigorously and will not be held to ransom.
    Ok, so they are not ambitious and we will not be challenging the top 5 or 6 for a long while yet but to be honest it looks as if they are going to keep this club running in a sustainable way (which means remaining competitive with the odd chance of a cup run) before jumping ship when the best bid comes in from somebody looking for an attractive club.
    That is where we stand. Naturally we want to see the club challenging the top 6, but it is not going to happen. At least we wont be doing a Leeds (who I think West Ham are dangerously close to replicating).
    Never know, we might sneak a top 7 finish or even one of the cups in the next couple of years so it could be worse…


  37. @Blaydonson: I hear a lot about Ashley making lots of Errors. The only Errors I recall are:

    > Hiring Keegan,
    > Hiring Shearer
    > downing a larger so irresponsibly in public
    > Letting the fans run the club

    Those are the errors I know he has made and it seems as though he has taken lesson from them.


  38. Michael12 – would the following be errors:
    * allegedly not conducting due diligence before buying the club
    *hiring Wise
    * having a negative Tribunal judgement as a result of the agreement with KK
    * hiring Joe Kinnear
    * the undertaking re the Carroll money raised on the last day of the previous window
    * lack of communication with customers
    * falling gates
    * the failure to sign a striker. In seven months “trying” is not good enough.
    A bit of humility that lessons are being learned would not go amiss. Otherwise why would we think January will be any better?


  39. well the solution is,why dont we supporters do a Knee- jerk reaction and just boycott the next home game and either not pay entrance fee or loose one match ticket and see if there is any satisfaction.


  40. @Blaydonson: Ok let us explore your points:
    * allegedly not conducting due diligence before buying the club: > It is not his fault that the club was in debt. We should be praising him because if we were as bad off financially when he took over, can you agree with me that something had to be done about our financial situation?

    *hiring Wise: > I can agree with you here.

    * having a negative Tribunal judgement as a result of the agreement with KK > This is not an Error on Ashley’s part

    * hiring Joe Kinnear: > Kinnear made us hard to beat before falling ill, managers were not falling over themselves to join Newcastle. I would accept this argument if you can prove we had a large pool of managers willing and knocking on our door to come to Newcastle.

    * the undertaking re the Carroll money raised on the last day of the previous window:> Let us agree that the money from a last minute sale is always more than it would be in the middle of a window due to desperation from the club Liverpool Sold Torres and needed a replacement. Are you trying to tell me you would not accept Β£35 Million for Carroll who had one good season in the championship?

    * lack of communication with customers: > Llambias communicated right here and look at the response from the so called customer. Just read what people are saying. So if you ask me why should they bother if you think all they say is lies.

    * falling gates: Where do you get your info: Please read: http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/newcastle-united/nufc-news/2011/04/27/nufc-season-ticket-sales-hit-a-five-year-high-72703-28591418/

    * the failure to sign a striker. In seven months β€œtrying” is not good enough:> We did not fail to sign a striker we signed Demba Ba who has a record of 7 goals in 13 games. Before Carroll left we had 5 strikers today we have 5 strikers so what are you on about?


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