Me forst game.

Where it all began.
Where it all began.
‘So what d’yi want for your borthday, kidda?’

The kidda thinks aboot this and sez with a shrug, ‘futbaal boots?’

‘Nar, man, what d’yi want if yi cud have anything at aal?’

There’s only one thing the kid wants more than anything at aal an that’s to see Newcastle play. He’s reluctant to say it because his mam has said he cannit go coz it’s too bliddy dangerous for a young lad, and his da is too bliddy drunk most of the time to tek im, but he sez it anyway.

And then a few weeks later Uncle Jim cums roond to tek im ti the match. They catch the bus doon Sunland Road and doon Gateshead High Street and ower the bridge into toon. The kid can feel the excitement grow inside him. He sees the black ‘n’ white scarves ‘n’ hats, and he can hear the hum of match day in the conversations. It’s really hapnin! He’s ganni see the lads.

It meks niy difference to him that it’s a second division game; he naas the teym’ll cum when it’ll be a forst division game. That’s how the magic of the game works, man. Leyk a cauldron of boilin vegetables, the eddys force you up and then doon and up again. You cum 6th, then you cum 10th, then its 15th, 8th, 13th, 9th, 5th, 12th. Sometimes the fates are against you and you get relegated, but you aalwiz cum back up. At least Newcastle diy. It’s written in the history. He’s read it. Newcastle aren’t like Halifax or Exeter or Workington, places that must’ve been built to fill up the lower divisions.

They gerroff the bus and waak doon a cobbled street that the kid didn’t naa existed. Aye, he’d been to Newcastle before, leyk, but he’d never seen it on match day, and on match day ivrything seems diffrint. Somehow aal the buildings luk stately and prood, and he half expects to see Orl Grey wearing a black ‘n’ white scarf up there on his monument.

They join a queue and aal he can think aboot is beatin’ Derby. He luvs the chitchat, and when somebody says, ‘Whey aye, man, wi’ll gan up this year. Wa r’aalreddy top, yi naa,’ the kid cannit contain his emotions and he laughs oot loud. Uncle Jim gives him a weird look. ‘Aalreet, kidda?’

Thi kidda’s gob is too claggy to say owt.

‘His forst game,’ Uncle Jim sez to an auld gadgie, and that starts people taakin aboot Wor Jackie and the cups. Aye, the kid thinks, we’ll win one of them soon an aal.

They push through the tornstile and head to some steps. More steps than he thought there’d be. Up he gaans. He can hear the crowd now. Singing. He can smell the tab smoke. He can feel the atmosphere bubblin’ ower the Galagate waals and doon the steps.

Then he gets to the top and loses his breath when he sees the pitch. It glows. It’s like a big green mat that floats above the terraces. Aye, there’re broon patches left ower from other games, but even they shine like gold dust, well, gold mud – it’s been rainin’. Funny that, he thinks, he thought it’d been sunny aal day.

By the time he’s started breathin’ again, he’s standin’ near the front, but he can’t see much.
‘It’s aalreet, kidda, yill see the baal when it gans in the air,’ somebody says.
‘Y’aalreet, son,’ some other bloke says. ‘Yi wanna stand here? Yill git a berra view, leyk. Ahl stand behind yi. ‘Champion,’ Uncle Jim says.

The kid shuffles forward. He can smell the grass. His ears ring with New-cass-ell being called from the Leazes End. And he sings alang with the Blaydon Races when it happens. He wonders if he was born aalreddy naain the words. He luvs the Leazes crowd. That’s where he wants to be when he grows up. Ower there, singing his heart out for the lads.

The game passes in a blur of action. It didn’t seem this fast and physical on telly, and to see the lads in the flesh is something wonderful. Black ‘n’ white had nivver been more colourful. At half time his uncle tells him how to read the scoreboard, and a wave of anticipation rolls ower him as the big white numbers are placed next to yella letters by some unseen people. Sunland are losin. Get in!

The second half flies by as fast as the forst. Uncle Jim says, ‘Ten minutes left,’ and points to a flag pole in the corner. The kid hasn’t a clue what the hell he’s taakin aboot, but he doesn’t care; there’s futbaal gannin on, reet there, reet there in front of him.

Then it’s aal ower. Full time. How can ninety minutes pass so quickly? People head back yem.
‘Ah gorra gan ti the bog,’ the kid says. ‘Divvint droon,’ Uncle Jim says. ’Yi mam id kill iz.’
The kid goes to the toilet and steps into a puddle of piss. A guy pisses into a basin, another pisses against the waal coz there’s a queue five deep to get to the trough. The kid finally gets a chance to piss.

A bloke with a big kite and a cloth cap sees him and shuffles ower so the kid can get in. ‘Move ower, man,’ the gadgie says to the fella next to him. ‘ … the kid,’ he adds, and nods the kid’s way as if that explained ivrythin. A whole bunch of blokes shuffle doon a bit.
The place smells like beer and piss, and tabs float in the yellowish froth in the trough. The kid cannit hear anything in particular; it’s aal just a big droning noise … or has his lugs gone deef cos of the roar of the crood? The kid pisses on a tab end and it dances in yellow liquid. 2-2, he thinks, and he relives the moments when Newcastle scored – the jumpin up and doon, arms raised, clappin’ like a maniac, and then the groan of the crood when Derby scored, and how he almost felt like cryin’ then. He relives the other hundred emotions, of near misses, bad passes, missed opportunities, great tackles, the thud of boot on baal, the ripple of baal on net. F**king hell, man, he thinks, because he isn’t yet confident enough to swear oot lood when grown-ups were roond. Aal he really naas, tho, is that there’s nowt better in this world than actually being there and watchin’ the lads play.

He does his zip up and wades oot i the bog and into the dark November night.

Uncle Jim smiles an winks. ‘Y’aalreet?’ Aye, the kid’s champion, man.

The two of them traipse oot i St James’ Park. The kid vows he’ll be back as soon as he can. Nowt was ganni get in the way of him enjoying this again. Nowt. Absolutely nowt. And there’d be nowt anybody could diy or say that would stop him from supporting Newcastle United.

He’d just had the best experience of his ten years on the planet, and it would remain up there with best of them for the rest of his life.

By Brisvegas

572 thoughts on “Me forst game.

  1. Check out the prediction and date;

    August 15, 2014 at 20:36
    The Clueless Crew have berated me for weeks/months now. Claiming we are negative. I call it realism.
    Come Sunday night the Clueless Crew will be whining and whinging at the lacklustre, uncreative performance that I have predicted for ages.
    Don’t say i didn’t warn you


  2. Stuart its worser than ever, even worser than the season we got relegated.
    But Percy says he is happy with it and we can get champions league.
    Its his team, the players he wants.
    It’s obvious, not one player has a clue what the game plan is.
    We have become a joke and a laughing stock.
    All some fans want to say is how they predicted it blah blah blah.
    Like that changes anything. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
    Ashley out banners wont change ****.


  3. Hitman – Carr probably gave Ashley a list as long as his arm of strikers and centre halves but Jabba wouldn’t pay the necessary money.


  4. Good to see Bootsy is stilling backing Rivière. 😛

    I can’t say whether he will be good enough in a seasons time. He may need time to adjust to the premier league.

    But I do know he’s not ready to step now and that is what I’ve preached throughout. We needed an experienced striker to at least have half a chance of hitting it off.

    Got to love Bootsy for his cluelessness. 😛

    Bootsy, I predicted a relegation battle having watched the preseason games and stated only huge investment would be required in January to have a chance of saving us.

    That prediction remains the same.

    I bet yours has changed. 😉


  5. troy loves scoring points on the blog,shame but just as well he needs to keep his pecker up some how as he would not scorewith a pocket full of money in a brothel full of blind girls


  6. Bootsy

    There’s no such word as worser.

    Stuart made a type error, you just thought it was a word.

    It’s more worse, not worser. 😉


  7. BB it mightn’t change owt but they have got to try, whats the other option to come on here and tell us all how **** Pards is? Thats going to sort the **** out


  8. Good to see Ice biting. 😛

    I honestly scanned the prediction thread and Ice talks about everything but football. At one point he was talking about an air crash. 😆

    I don’t use the blog as a friend forum Ice.


  9. Stu
    At last! You agree that the FOOL MUST GO.
    I totally agree with your view about Ashley as he is the cancer within the club, however the FOOL has proved himself to be inept.
    I expect the following to be under consideration from Ashley;
    1) JFK
    2) Neil Lennon
    3) Tony Pullis
    4) Malky Mackay
    None of which I would want…..but they all come free!
    Of them all i would prefer Mackay however he is a racist!
    Pullis may keep us up like he did at CP.


  10. TGS – Pulis will not work with Pardew. He resigned from CP because he couldn’t work with the owner so I doubt Ashley is better. JFK – Even Ashley wouldn’t do that to his ticker. Mackay would be perfect for Ashley; cheap, out of work and is happy to work under any conditions with any head case owners.


  11. TGS

    Great logic that fella. Screaming for Pards to be sacked yet name 5 **** managers that you think will replace him.

    FTSOTB 😛


  12. TGS

    So you don’t want any of them and two will be better than the fool?

    So what happens if he appoints one of the two that aren’t? 🙄

    I’ve heard some pearlers like but that’s a corker. 😛


  13. No you don’t troy you normally talk about capes hiding in bins buying trailers for carsmore ****e and more ****e I could dig all your childless comments out but your not worth my time,you keep up telling where you will be in your cape and blue pants


  14. Right I’ve had my fun.

    Got all the predictions out from those who slated me preseason and now are all agreeing with me about the quality of the squad.

    Goodnight Waltons. 😉


  15. Troy,
    Are you stupid?
    Yes i said i dont want any of them! But looking at which managers are out of work i stated who I believe Ashley will go for.
    I then had the balls to select my choice.
    We could all dream about a top European coach….not gonna happen!
    So……stop spoiling for another hissy fit


  16. I’m really not sure what Pardew can bring to the table now. The longer he stays the more toxic things will become, and that can only have a negative effect on the players. I doubt whether he has the skill to turn things around from a negative position, so I think there’s no point in keeping him.

    As a replacement, anybody would probably be better at this stage. Any new manager would at least get fan support back for the team (at least for a while) and turn the focus back onto Ashley (as it seems that fans have to have something to **** about).


  17. Watching motd now.
    It’s actually making me feel for Pardew. Coloccini and Williamson made mistakes for each of the first three goals.
    You just can’t legislate for your goalie/defender making 5 unforced errors in a game. Absolute ****ing disgrace.
    Coloccini doesn’t try to head the ball for the first goal.
    Second goal he is busy appealing for ****ing offside while Pelle runs past him to tap in.
    We’ll get rid of Pardew that doesn’t change the fact that with a Coloccini that doesn’t give a ****, Williamson and Taylor we aren’t going to get very far.


  18. Very interesting by Shearer. He’s led to believe that Pardew doesn’t have any say on incoming players. Sure a few on here have been saying that for a while.

    The impossible job


  19. Surely Ashley will try and convince Pulis. I think his argument with the Palace board was more regarding the chairman signing players he didn’t want.


  20. TGS
    Please explain your logic. These are your words;

    At last! You agree that the FOOL MUST GO.

    I expect the following to be under consideration from Ashley;
    1) JFK
    2) Neil Lennon
    3) Tony Pullis
    4) Malky Mackay
    None of which I would want…..but they all come free!
    Of them all i would prefer Mackay however he is a racist!
    Pullis may keep us up like he did at CP.

    So you believe Ashley will consider those 4, none of which you want, one being a racist and the other may only keep us up.
    So what about the other two?
    What happens if he picks JFK or Lennon?
    Ultimately you don’t want any so it stands to reason you don’t rate them and therefore would pick fault with them if they became our manager.
    As I’ve stated, within 12 months the next manager is under pressure from fans like you.
    I genuinely don’t understand your point and it’s not because I’m stupid, it’s because your reasoning is.

    You’ve wanted Pardew out for years, even when we were finishing safely in the league.
    So explain your rationale considering you b
    So do your best to explain your rationale when the 4 managers you believe Ashley will consider are the 4 that you don’t want?


  21. You all don’t get it. It’s the name. United is a problem. Look at us and the upstart Manchester crew. We shall be Changing to Newcastle Sports forthwith!


  22. The defeat put United rock bottom of the Premier League on goal difference and they will remain there until next week’s visit of Hull City to SJP, unless QPR win heavily at Old Trafford on Sunday.

    Assuming the axe doesn’t fall quickly in the wake of this result, we’re now set for another grim week ahead of Saturday’s game, which threatens to be played in a similarly toxic atmosphere to May’s visit of Cardiff.

    This loss came exactly six years after the Tigers left Tyneside with all three points, after one of the most corrosive days in our recent history saw mass protests outside the stadium following Kevin Keegan’s departure.

    While the cause of the unrest is rather different though (urging a sacking rather than bemoaning a resignation), two constants remain in 2014: the short-changing of the supporters and the essential flaws in the structure of the club and the way it conducts its business.

    Until that changes, then the identity of the next poor sap through the door will only be of marginal importance. For Pardew read Hughton or whoever is prepared to work in this madhouse and bear the brunt of the inevitable backlash that comes with the post of chief apologist.

    In the short-term though, while this season can still be salvaged, it seems obvious that a lack of motivation and belief on the terraces is echoed in the dressing room, such was our half-hearted, hangdog demeanour today.

    It’s hard to believe that anyone could achieve less with this squad than the current incumbent. Except JFK.


  23. @Troy, we might get another patsy but you must now admit Pardew has taken us as far as he can, we need saving now. Pardew isnt the man to do it?


  24. Mark. I do agree that Pardew has probably taken us as far as he can. He will probably be sacked. It may even be the right decision. However the chances of his replacement being significantly better is remote, and the chances of him being worse is probable.

    The problem is that since the KK affair Ashley only sees NUFC as an advertising vehicle and any joy that having a football club went with the hatred of the fans. So I doubt that he has the vision for the club that we want.

    In my opinion there are no out of work managers with the Premier league experience that are good enough to take us forward. Keep us up, yes.

    Therefore, we have to gamble either on a British manager without the EPL experience or a good foreign manager.Given our squad I would go with the latter. I would also want a good diretor of football with the experience to back him up.

    My dream team Frank De Boer with Rene Meulensteen as DOF. Well that’s not my first choice but I would be happy with that. However I suspect Troy is right and league one here we come.


  25. Troy @562,
    Simply put…… I have very low expectation of Ashley and believe that the above 4 would be in the equation.
    I will repeat, two of them i would not want anywhere near the club!!!
    Is that clear enough?


  26. People need to stop dreaming Ashley will appoint a yes man and will NOT go after a coach currently employed. No way will he pay compensation.
    The likely choice will be the above that i stated two of which are better than the FOOL.


  27. Right, off now to watch my son play football.
    Hopefully by the time i return the FOOL will be gone along with his coaching staff!


  28. Still angry over yesterdays result, the players looked totally lack lustre all game with Colo and Willo switching off at vital moments. We were shocking and the team attitude reminded me of relegation season, if that is a team playing for the manager then god help us . Also Carver should be sacked for swearing at our away fans, many of whom had left Tyneside at 4.00am to go watch that embarrassing display. I still believe the right coach could at least organise us better as there are some talented players in the team. What happened in the half time talk?, we were just as crap 2nd half, no sign of the manager having a positive effect at half time.


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