Me forst game.

Where it all began.
Where it all began.
‘So what d’yi want for your borthday, kidda?’

The kidda thinks aboot this and sez with a shrug, ‘futbaal boots?’

‘Nar, man, what d’yi want if yi cud have anything at aal?’

There’s only one thing the kid wants more than anything at aal an that’s to see Newcastle play. He’s reluctant to say it because his mam has said he cannit go coz it’s too bliddy dangerous for a young lad, and his da is too bliddy drunk most of the time to tek im, but he sez it anyway.

And then a few weeks later Uncle Jim cums roond to tek im ti the match. They catch the bus doon Sunland Road and doon Gateshead High Street and ower the bridge into toon. The kid can feel the excitement grow inside him. He sees the black ‘n’ white scarves ‘n’ hats, and he can hear the hum of match day in the conversations. It’s really hapnin! He’s ganni see the lads.

It meks niy difference to him that it’s a second division game; he naas the teym’ll cum when it’ll be a forst division game. That’s how the magic of the game works, man. Leyk a cauldron of boilin vegetables, the eddys force you up and then doon and up again. You cum 6th, then you cum 10th, then its 15th, 8th, 13th, 9th, 5th, 12th. Sometimes the fates are against you and you get relegated, but you aalwiz cum back up. At least Newcastle diy. It’s written in the history. He’s read it. Newcastle aren’t like Halifax or Exeter or Workington, places that must’ve been built to fill up the lower divisions.

They gerroff the bus and waak doon a cobbled street that the kid didn’t naa existed. Aye, he’d been to Newcastle before, leyk, but he’d never seen it on match day, and on match day ivrything seems diffrint. Somehow aal the buildings luk stately and prood, and he half expects to see Orl Grey wearing a black ‘n’ white scarf up there on his monument.

They join a queue and aal he can think aboot is beatin’ Derby. He luvs the chitchat, and when somebody says, ‘Whey aye, man, wi’ll gan up this year. Wa r’aalreddy top, yi naa,’ the kid cannit contain his emotions and he laughs oot loud. Uncle Jim gives him a weird look. ‘Aalreet, kidda?’

Thi kidda’s gob is too claggy to say owt.

‘His forst game,’ Uncle Jim sez to an auld gadgie, and that starts people taakin aboot Wor Jackie and the cups. Aye, the kid thinks, we’ll win one of them soon an aal.

They push through the tornstile and head to some steps. More steps than he thought there’d be. Up he gaans. He can hear the crowd now. Singing. He can smell the tab smoke. He can feel the atmosphere bubblin’ ower the Galagate waals and doon the steps.

Then he gets to the top and loses his breath when he sees the pitch. It glows. It’s like a big green mat that floats above the terraces. Aye, there’re broon patches left ower from other games, but even they shine like gold dust, well, gold mud – it’s been rainin’. Funny that, he thinks, he thought it’d been sunny aal day.

By the time he’s started breathin’ again, he’s standin’ near the front, but he can’t see much.
‘It’s aalreet, kidda, yill see the baal when it gans in the air,’ somebody says.
‘Y’aalreet, son,’ some other bloke says. ‘Yi wanna stand here? Yill git a berra view, leyk. Ahl stand behind yi. ‘Champion,’ Uncle Jim says.

The kid shuffles forward. He can smell the grass. His ears ring with New-cass-ell being called from the Leazes End. And he sings alang with the Blaydon Races when it happens. He wonders if he was born aalreddy naain the words. He luvs the Leazes crowd. That’s where he wants to be when he grows up. Ower there, singing his heart out for the lads.

The game passes in a blur of action. It didn’t seem this fast and physical on telly, and to see the lads in the flesh is something wonderful. Black ‘n’ white had nivver been more colourful. At half time his uncle tells him how to read the scoreboard, and a wave of anticipation rolls ower him as the big white numbers are placed next to yella letters by some unseen people. Sunland are losin. Get in!

The second half flies by as fast as the forst. Uncle Jim says, ‘Ten minutes left,’ and points to a flag pole in the corner. The kid hasn’t a clue what the hell he’s taakin aboot, but he doesn’t care; there’s futbaal gannin on, reet there, reet there in front of him.

Then it’s aal ower. Full time. How can ninety minutes pass so quickly? People head back yem.
‘Ah gorra gan ti the bog,’ the kid says. ‘Divvint droon,’ Uncle Jim says. ’Yi mam id kill iz.’
The kid goes to the toilet and steps into a puddle of ****. A guy pisses into a basin, another pisses against the waal coz there’s a queue five deep to get to the trough. The kid finally gets a chance to ****.

A bloke with a big kite and a cloth cap sees him and shuffles ower so the kid can get in. ‘Move ower, man,’ the gadgie says to the fella next to him. ‘ … the kid,’ he adds, and nods the kid’s way as if that explained ivrythin. A whole bunch of blokes shuffle doon a bit.
The place smells like beer and ****, and tabs float in the yellowish froth in the trough. The kid cannit hear anything in particular; it’s aal just a big droning noise … or has his lugs gone deef cos of the roar of the crood? The kid pisses on a tab end and it dances in yellow liquid. 2-2, he thinks, and he relives the moments when Newcastle scored – the jumpin up and doon, arms raised, clappin’ like a maniac, and then the groan of the crood when Derby scored, and how he almost felt like cryin’ then. He relives the other hundred emotions, of near misses, bad passes, missed opportunities, great tackles, the thud of boot on baal, the ripple of baal on net. F**king hell, man, he thinks, because he isn’t yet confident enough to swear oot lood when grown-ups were roond. Aal he really naas, tho, is that there’s nowt better in this world than actually being there and watchin’ the lads play.

He does his zip up and wades oot i the bog and into the dark November night.

Uncle Jim smiles an winks. ‘Y’aalreet?’ Aye, the kid’s champion, man.

The two of them traipse oot i St James’ Park. The kid vows he’ll be back as soon as he can. Nowt was ganni get in the way of him enjoying this again. Nowt. Absolutely nowt. And there’d be nowt anybody could diy or say that would stop him from supporting Newcastle United.

He’d just had the best experience of his ten years on the planet, and it would remain up there with best of them for the rest of his life.

By Brisvegas

572 thoughts on “Me forst game.

  1. Stu – Ashley isn’t a football manager or coach is he?. No I doubt he will do either mate, but he could get rid of this silver haired charlatan and his coaching team and get better in.

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  2. Oh dear…the great SBR was sacked for a better start than this after having had a ‘bad’ season and finishing in 5th…

    Pretty miserable in the PL so far…how much longer does Pardew get? He built this team but how much longer can we afford to wait to see if he can get it to gel??

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  3. Kim it’s complete and utter bollo***
    If he’s feeling especially vindictive he might wait until after Hull and make him sit through that. The atmosphere will be toxic. I’m thinking of temporarily lifting my self imposed ban and getting a ticket for Hull. Hope Benny is nice and visible and the coward stays cowering in his dugout like he is today.

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  4. we just can’t compete with the likes of S’ton.. surely the 5yr plan starts soon 🙄

    Just think, the new large screen will be ready for our next game, we might get to see the seasons highlights, shouldnt take long.. 😳

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  5. Cabella better than hatem 😎 +!!!!!!!!!!! 😥 ha ha ha !!!!!
    I **** troy pardew and his father alan pardew !!!!
    Please **** urself u and pards on a rock !!!
    Sons of dirty monkey !!!!!!
    **** off !!!!!!!!!

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  6. Stu – yeah if we create the fucking chances for the kid he will. I’m not saying the kid is world class but even the best forwards in the world would struggle to get goals in this Pardew set up man!.

    If better than Pardew costs money then Ashley better get the fucking cheque book out hadnt he, coz it’ll cost him so much more to stick with him!!. The ****** had a net spent of around £2m this summer, so the money should be there!.
    Or are you suggesting he stick with Pardew?!.

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  7. Sorry but i havent another word and much patience for debate again….
    Saked this toilett face !!!!
    Back hatem on juanary with a better system !!!!!!!
    NOW !!!! I WAS AN INTOLERENT PARDS !!!!!

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  8. well you reap what you sow Ashley
    Should have sacked Padoom last season
    too late now tho imho
    4-0

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  9. Pardew looks like a ghost. The players are not playing for him. Put him out of his misery.

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  10. such a shame we offloaded Mbiwa and Barfa because Pards didnt rate them anymore, he didnt rate Willo last year but picks him now.

    If another manager comes it he could do with Mbiwa and Barfa.

    total shambles. how anyone can defend clueless alan and his one upfront..

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  11. And earlier, when I hear our fans singing “get out of our club,” it infuriates me.

    The only way to make it “our club”, literally, is to get our **** together for fan ownership.

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  12. Same story ….i prefere watch hatem with black and white shirt and finish 10 th ! (Or plus ???) …or same result or worst ..without not show magik !!!!
    Lose better like this ….right….
    What kind fans are u ????
    Zombie ?????
    Fucking pardew s day come here !!!!!!

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  13. Well, that was a pretty insipid performance. Terrible defending, no cohesion in midfield and forwards who can’t kick a ball properly. Useless bunch of ***** the lot of them (maybe Haidara can hold his head up).

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  14. I hope Pardew isn’t sacked before next week
    The atmosphere at home will be worth the ticket money in itself.
    Pardew will **** himself

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  15. KIM

    It worked ok when we got 5th. It worked ok in the first half of last season.

    I just get the feeling that his plan A is excellent…but top clubs have the players to exploit that and if we lose a key player (Cabaye/SDJ), there doesn’t seem to be a good plan B or C…

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  16. I m still proud of shirt !!!! 😎

    the only fucking player who humiliates and gives buttock which defied us on tarrain !!!! one we untap !!!!!! to see these **** game !!!!!! I am inclined to think that it is a colplot !!!!!!!!!!

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  17. TDS – what plan A?! The bloke is ******* clueless man!!. When was the last time we had a run of 3-4 games where we played well and won?.

    Forster must be laughing his **** off at the moment!!.

    Here’s my plan, use the £2.5m we made off his sale to Saints and get rid of Alan Pardew. Bring Pullis or Moyes in!!.

    Anyone who disagrees look at the fucking league – BOTTOM people – it can’t get any fucking worse!!

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  18. SHARPY

    The plan A that got us 5th! The plan A that had us challenging for 5th until Jan! The plan A that has SDJ as a key player!

    Oh dear…

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  19. KIM

    Well that’s just my opinion, but one I’ve held for quite some time. It’s so rare that we do well if we’re missing one or two key players without a like for like replacement.

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  20. STUART

    He’ll get sacked if Ashley doesn’t think he’ll achieve a top half PL finish. It’s more in his interests to ensure that happens to grow the value of the club.

    It’s looking seriously ropey for Pardew after today…

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  21. TDS – the 5th place as 2 seasons ago man – how long does he ride that wave?.
    The plan A that had us competing for 5th til Jan … The season ends in May buddy. He changed NOTHING in the 2nd half of last season.

    He’s just spoken on SSN – we didnt have long to prepare after the international break!! – fucking brilliant.
    The better team won – the better team wins every ******* week, trouble is its always the other team!.

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  22. SHARPY

    He lost Cabaye in Jan mate! We were then totally predictable and one paced. Now we just look totally disorganised…

    We signed players early FFS! The point of that is to give them time to gel and ensure we’ve plugged any gaps!

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  23. Pardew’s probably not getting a lot and I imagine Our Esteemed Owner has him on some bonus scheme like his preferred zero-hour contracts, so maybe it wouldn’t be that costly to ****-can him after all.

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  24. Where is troy ❓ with his fantastik theory about pards ..(.”the best manager nufc can have” ) ❓
    Where is he ❓ pore idiot ❗

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  25. He’s got a new crop in since our dismal 2d half run in last season and still dishes up the same old defensive ****, which is ironic as we can’t defend. And before anyone says De jong is missing or anyone else, it wouldn’t make one iota of difference if they were playing .

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  26. SSN, Pards and Jabba in talks now.

    MA, ” Alan what was that? ”

    Pards ” football Mike ”

    MA ” fair enough, as you were ”

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  27. @Kim. Pardew said S’ton started brighter than us, their 2nd goal was unfortunate then after that the players were effected by the Pardew out chants. 😳

    He was just on Newcastle radio, pretty unbelievable what he was spouting

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  28. Got it partly right. The international break didn’t help. Getting worried I can now predict what a fool is going to say

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  29. TDS – if the blokes plan is to build a team around 1 player – a player he knew wanted away!. A player he knew would be sold eventually! – then the man is a fucking halfwit!!.
    It’s one player!, and if you are telling me the rest aren’t good enough – then why weren’t more moved on this summer?!.
    Cabaye was a decent player but are you seriously telling me that he alone was the difference between challenging for top 5-6 to relegation form?! Come on man!.

    We signed players who need to gel?! – so did Saints!! And they got a new manager – so the old players have to get used to his style of player.
    They were miles ahead of us today mate!!.

    For me we change now so the new manager can do what he can with this bunch, then know for sure what he’ll need in Jan.
    To cling to Pardew would just be a repeat of Blackburn with Steve Kean.

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  30. “Our fans were difficult today, chanting my name from the start. It sort of affected our spirit. It worries me”

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  31. Cabaye lost is not the symptome …please…come up things …up the level ❗
    How much pore game we lose ❓ …how much **** formation and **** tactics on 4 years ..we watch it ❓ ❗
    The lose of Cabay or ba or hatem or debuchy or or or….nobody about them …is the cause of the hoofball and **** tactics …
    Just one fckn man !!!!! Troy s oncle ….pardewho !!!!!!
    When we finish 5th ?? It is because there a great solidarity and spirit !!!!but one year.ok ..two??? Three???? …not !!!!it s anoth …loser tactics and speechs of pardew !!!
    But pardew tactics and confidence of dinosaure old sheep like colo / strola or fucking wilo ….obertan and fucking coshing choice ….!!!!!
    Where is tevez and masherano…..where is west ham end of pards season management !!!!!
    Waching ur mind !!!!!!
    Sack pardew now !!!!before too late !!!!!

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  32. Fingers crossed the end is almost nigh. Celebratory drinks on ice – come on Ashley you know you have to do it

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  33. SHARPY

    Why are you having a go at me mate? I’m the one saying that he seems a one dimensional manager and only has a plan A! He seems to need a number 10 player and doesn’t seem to be able to put together a winning team without one.

    Just my opinion, nothing more.

    I wanted him sacked at the end of last season, I felt he deserved a chance after we had signed so many players this summer, but I can’t help but feel that his days are numbered…

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  34. Rumours are that Steve Clarke, Leroy Rosenior and Stan Ternant are waiting in the office to be interviewed by Ashley. He will be interviewing Joe Kinnear tomorrow in the office, I mean the pub.

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