Time to lock the fat lady in the cupboard.

kimtoon

HWTL picWell, not long now lads and lasses until we know our fate one way or the other. At the start of every season this is the scenario I dread, I am always worried until we reach 39 points or more. This season I predicted 16th place finish and right now I would snatch your hand off for that lowly position as I’m getting that horrible feeling that the milk is about to sour good and proper.

I have written before about the strange and large amount of coincidences between this season and our previous relegation season, and it’s almost as if the planets are aligning to send us down. Once again it’s us or Hull only now that Sunderland are safe. I have to pay credit to Sunderland who went about their job brilliantly last night and indeed in their previous couple of games . It’s hard to begrudge them their Premier League status even if we did gift them 6 points for the second season running without which they would be relegated already.

So when all the talking is done ( John Carver take note) it comes down to one thing, have we got the team spirit , leadership and togetherness to survive on sunday? Right now I’m really not sure. I worry about the fact that Carver has reportedly told players who are not up for the battle to sit out the game! Does that mean that we don’t get to field a full strength team? What the hell are the club paying their wages for if the case is they can just ‘ sit out’ games that worry them. For heavens sake it has to be a joke right?

Then we have the strange case of Sky Sports tv coverage. The Hull v Man utd game was top billing with the hours coverage before hand. Now suddenly they have switched games and Newcastle v West Ham is the big game! Anyone would think they want to see us go down, I seriously don’t understand the switch, can someone explain it? The Hull game is surely the bigger draw as they will either drop or pull off a miracle win for the first time in 17 seasons. Also given the way we have been playing and West Ham too lately for that matter, it has all the temptation of pair of soggy socks. The pull of devastated Geordie faces is just too much for Sky it would seem.

Right now I just feel sick and can’t see us getting anything out of the game but as always I am living in hope that the players have found their mojo and that John has read up on tactics. Sam Allardyce will relish getting one over on Ashley after being sacked by him and when he says otherwise he’s kidding no one. Likewise Nolan wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep if he scored the goal that sends us down, even if it leaves a certain Andy Carroll gutted come 5pm on sunday.

So here’s to a result on sunday in our favour and to hell with sky sports, Sam Allardyce and all the boo boys getting orgasmic over our possible demise. It ain’t over til the fat lady sings, so lets lock her in the cupboard until 5pm sunday.

HWTL

KIMTOON

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199 thoughts on “Time to lock the fat lady in the cupboard.”

  1. Nice one Kim , yeah it’s time for them all to do their talking on the pitch. But I still think they”ll be speachless when it comes down to it, and it will be because of Hull that we’ll stay up.

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  3. I want us to get relegated. We need rid of Ashley and wipe the entire slate clean and start from scratch. The club is fkd right now, it’s in terminal never ending chaos under this ownership. While we make him money he will never sell. We need him gone.

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  4. we will lose and hull will draw.

    another happy season of premier league non-entity

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  5. Craig – I’m not sure I would go as far as wanting us to get relegated but for sure it would really bother me.

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  6. I did a predictor afew weeks back and had us finish 17th safe by 1 point. I dismissed it as a bit of fun coz to get there I hadn’t give us a single point in our remaining games. But Hull draw & we loose and I was bang on. Scary really, I can’t believe we find ourselves in this position needing so few points in the second half of the season.

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  7. Well done once again Kim, I haven’t much hope for Sunday going by past efforts,bigSam tactics is easy pump as many balls into the box as you can as we cannot handle it simples

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  8. Good read Kim. I still reckon we will be alright, but would not put money on it! Hull have lost 3 on the bounce and had the stuffing knocked out of them when they lost at home to Burnley. Meanwhile, West Ham have not taken all 3 points away from home since the beginning of December and their form since the beginning of the year (since Carver took over) is only marginally better than ours: 16 points to our 10. only 4 of their points have been secured on the road whilst 6 of ours came at home.

    I’m going for a dour draw for us, and a more exciting draw for Hull.

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  9. http://mobile.newsnow.co.uk/A/774422455?-11058:809

    This bloke is just unbelievable!!!. ‘We shook hands and wiped the slate clean, that’s what I’m like, I don’t hold grudges’ 😯 😯
    What a cheeky *******!!, he accused the bloke of deliberately getting sent off – he publicly questions the guy’s professionalism and integrity, yet HE doesn’t hold any grudges?!

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  10. The Daily Mirror are claiming that the West Ham players have been given the week off before our game 😯

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  12. Big Sam looks fed up in his last interview,he said he has sold his property in London so to me he knows his fate at the club and flying out to Spain after the game leaving his agent to deal with things,so let’s hope his players.feel fed up too

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  13. Cracking article Kim lass! 🙂 🙂
    ……….I’ve got De Ja Vu of that fateful day back in May 2009, sitting on the Sofa with me bluenose pal crying, felt physically sick like the room was spinning, even he was upset for us!! Drank a bottle and a half of gin and cried even more 😯 😯
    …….I hope to god we get a result, but really think we’ll lose and our destiny is in Manure/Ull’s hands 😯 😯 😯 😯
    ……….who the foooooook would be a toon fan eh?? 😯 😯 😯 😯 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

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  14. ….haha 😆 😆 …… shamrock that link to “Seven reasons Newcastle will stay up whether they deserve it or not” has actually cheered me up 😯 :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    ……..maybe ………just maybe! 😯 😯 😯 😯 🙄 🙄 🙄

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  15. A Day in my Life:
    Woke up, fell out of bed
    Dragged a come across my head
    Said something bad about John Carver…

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  16. Kimtoon: as usual a good read, especially since we are in such agreement. By the way, The Shields Gazette has an article in it today saying what I said a few days about Carver being David Brent now. Apparently there is an actual scene in “The Office” where Brent opens the door and asks employees to leave if they can’t hack it. Talk about Art imitating life, eh. Or comedy imitating tragedy?

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  17. Sharpy @9: So Carvs is setting it up to select Williamson after what he said about him!!!!!!!! The man is a walking contradiction. Not only is he doing Brentisms now but he acts like Sid the Sexist from Viz. I am not saying he is actually sexist, just his persona is like Sid’s which is a lot more nuanced than just being sexist. Yes, NUFC manager you are a cartoon.

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  19. Ashley was alright for a while then he lost his free advertising, now his crying over you, crying over you.

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  20. And for you younger readers: Sid the Sexist is a character in a comic who acts hard and then runs away, backs down from every word he says, contradicts himself. Just like our dear leader Ugly John does in seemingly every press conference.

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  21. More from Carvs:

    “There are no second chances now. This is the last game, it’s the cup final we’ve been talking about. We all know what we have to do and we all take responsibility. It’s not about me taking the blame or Mike [Ashley] and Lee [Charnley], we all take responsibility. We’re in this situation, we’ve got to deal with it. I feel like we’ve got to win. If we do that, we take care of our own business.”

    Sorry, I just had to post it because he just continually contradicts himself even in the same sentence. He has not taken one bit of responsibility and blames everybody but himself. And we have the cup final cliche again. Again, FFS.

    “It wasn’t me, honest. A plague of locusts invaded the training ground. Giant crows flew off with the training cones. Phil Mitchell from Eastenders came into the dressing room and said he had a 100 large on Hull to stay up so the NUFC players better not “disappoint” him if they knew what was good for them”

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  22. What’s nuts is that IF we stay up on Sunday Carver will like see that as an achievement – he was the bloke that kept Newcastle in the PL.
    The bloke is too blind to see that this is possibly the worst period in the clubs history.

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  25. We are still odds on to win the game according to NUFC.com. 4/5 are the odds, and this after a sequence of LLLLLLLLDL. That is a bit amazing. What is also amazing is that we have a 17 year old ‘keeper on the bench. Where is Elliot and why do we never hear about any of this? My guess is the local press are “not fit for purpose” and don’t ask any questions. Lee Ryder’s fave saying now about NUFC is that they are “not fit for purpose” but he is not doing his job either.

    Why haven’t the local press asked where Elliot is and why we do not have a back up goalie? This is a multi-million pound organisation being run by clowns. We saw what happened when Alnwick was called upon and now we have the goal-keeper coach’s 17 year-old son on the bench.

    “Not fit for purpose” describes about everything about NUFC at the moment and describes Lee Ryder and the local press even better.

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  26. Eric, Ryder is a ******,he’s been backing Carver from the start and has only just realised it’s gone tits up 🙄

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  27. Dave@24, It did make me laugh mate, but hey I welcome any intervention at this point. Me mums in the chapel of rest now and I think when I go in to see her I will ask her to have a word with the big man upstairs.

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  28. Thanks for another article Kim. 😉

    I can’t see us winning. The players have had so many cup finals of late and each time we expect the players to be up for it and each time they have let us down with a whimper.

    Why should it be different? This has the Villa 2009 game written all over it.

    It’s all in Hulls hands for me.

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  30. From 1 month – 2 months and 3 months ago, the Troysta sings: “All we are saying, is give Carvs a chance” 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  31. Eric, we all wanted him to do well as there is no doubt he has a real love for the Toon. But I blame Lee and Jabba, they seem happy to watch us go on death spirals, it was exactly the same with Percy. IF we stay up, I fully expect JC to get the job with a load of flannel from Lee saying how they kept faith with John bla bla bla. It’s pitiful and insulting at the same time.

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  32. Kimtoon: I am doing a bit of I told you so with Troysta as I knew from the start that Carvs is useless and had proved it. BTW Dr. Ed has a poll up and out of 4,000 only 16% think we will win of Sunday.

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  33. Eric, That poll doesn’t surprise me mate, the whole of footballs in agreement on that score. Let’s hope the players make the doubters eat their words and that Manure do a professional job on the day.

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  35. After what Carvs said about Williamson it will be a farce if he picks him. But him and Mikey are best friends again because that is just the way Ugly John is, he calls you a Tw@t and then walks it back and expects it to be forgotten!!!!!
    Williamson will play because he will never play for a team like us again and knows it. He is way above his level and will play if picked. He has the drive, just not much talent.

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  37. :mrgreen: The bookies clearly haven’t been watching us play, I don’t care how bad West Hams form has been. In the past four months we have become the worst side the leage has seen in years. Manure will be on holiday and Bruce will be well up for teaching us a lesson. Our only hope is Perez carrying us. Again.

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  38. And Yes ladies and Gentlemen: this Sunday we have a head to head battle between John “pickled walnut with hair” Carver and Sam “the toad” Allerdyce for Ugliest manager in the Premier League. Roll up, roll up.

    Ugly John said, “what, there is a football match on? Sorry, I have been watching wresting all week and didn’t realise.”

    Fat Sam said: “ya what like, I could be managing Real Madrid and I don’t know what I am messing about with West Ham for”.

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  40. I have to say this one more time – we have to go all out for a WIN. The way the table is a draw means nothing to us. Ugly John has to set the team up to win and forget all of the playing not to lose **** because that does us no good on this weekend.

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  41. @Eric. you dragged come across your head 🙄 😆

    Well I never part with my hard-earned cash but I quite confidently bet my employee £20 that we’d go down.

    We’ll draw and Hull (playing Man U kids) will win 1-0
    We havent got another win in us with this useless bunch of cowards. although we’ll have our favored back four back, almost a favored starting 11

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  42. good read kim. I reckon theres too many similarities to the last relegation

    I reckon its stacked against us unfortunately.

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  44. Mark: You probably went with evens for us going down when you put 20 on with your employee. I am sure you can get better than that with the bookies.

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  45. @Eric 😆

    I don’t generally bet mate.. it’ll be the happiest loss I could hope to make if we stay up

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  46. de Jong might even feature, although his status has been:

    4 weeks ago – Knacked, out for season.
    A week later – On the bench, comes on and scores.
    Out again, and a bit unfit and shagged out, but back in training, maybe.
    Has a thigh and needs to be evaluated according to Carvs
    Says on Twitter he doesn’t have a problem and just needs to regain fitness.
    Has an MRI
    No news of MRI results.
    Hasn’t been heard of for nearly a month and will miraculously appear Sunday?????
    TAKES OVER AS MANAGER OF NUFC.

    Do you remember the ***** that was spouted about Colo taking over as manager in January 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  47. Mark: Never bet where NUFC are concerned mate. It is usually heart overruling head. Somehow we have to survive and get rid of the whole management team. I really think we have the basis of a decent team but that is probably me with my B&W on again.

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  49. Psychs
    Of course I’m talking to you. I’m just waiting for you to come up with something sensible. 😉

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  52. Icedog, the toon are minging mate. SD and Wonga two salt of the earth companies…

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  53. wonga are leaving as they know mike is offskis. They know they’d be sacked-off if some other millionaire with an ounce of decency took over

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  54. MM true mate,I wonder if it.worth the club to stay up.and jabba carry on ripping us off,I just don’t know what the answer is while he owns the club

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  58. A Wet Spam match preview:

    We should have a lot of players back including Dummett again and a lot more to choose from. Cisse, Aarons and de Jong might be there. Jonas and little Vern will be available, and Ugly John says he has made friends again with Williamson, although that might be a mixed blessing as mikey is Championship at best.

    So, pre-match what do I think? A win, and we stay up. Even Carvs cannot f@ck this up!!!!

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  61. Carvs thought about showing the players pictures of Premier League stadiums and dressing rooms and comparing them to Championship clubs. He decided against it and I think he was right. The players have tuned him out and this would have been a meeting too far – overkill. Some of Carvers ideas seem OK in isolation but he tries too hard and it comes over as overkill. He might be better off trying to explain to Timmy that hoofing it is not the only option or devising a new free kick routine rather than lumping it to Williamson, which in 2 years of doing it has never worked.

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  62. KIM@55 there is a report which I cannot find again but it said Wonga had pulled out of two football clubs they were asked about the toon and would they continue with them the reply was no comment at this time talks will take place next week to decide,to me that’s a goodbye toon

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  64. Big D: I have been waiting all 2015 to change my tune. To have a decent game of football, for us to string a few passes together. Unfortunately, things have spiraled out of control with management looking increasingly desperate. This has not been helped by Carvs proving he is an idiot in press conferences. As I have said before, we only see 10 minutes a week of this and the players see 3 hours a day. So Carvs is obviously a big part of the problem which is why I keep going on about it. If that is not sensible then you must have been spending too much time with Troysta.

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  65. I was back in the UK for 5 weeks and was amazed by how many of these ads for legalized loan sharks they have on daytime TV. They all have names like Sunny and Wonga and then at the bottom of the screen it says annual interest rate 1,227%. Disassociating the club from Wonga would obviously be a good thing.

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  68. Psychs

    Never forget this is all your own doing. You wailed for Pardew to leave knowing Ashley would take another cheap option.

    I blame you and others who wailed like you.

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  69. Troysta: Getting rid of Pards and appointing Carver are two separate issues. When will you understand that? Also, remember Pardew quit, he was not sacked.

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  70. It was right that Pards went. It was not right that Carver took his place, or kept his place when we lost to Leicester…

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  71. If you want to get onto the Pards thing again Troysta – So, Mascherano and Tevez are facing each other in the Champions League final between the La Liga winners and Serie A winners. And yet Pards did not know how to integrate them into his West Ham team?

    You will answer that he saved Palace. But did he, or was Warnock just really ****?

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  74. Well, Sky in the UK and the NBC network here are showing us and Hull as their main games. There is no more drama at the top of the League as the top 4 are settled. It is a pity that us and Hull have played about as dour of football as there has been in the PL this season. So, Brucie, Pards and Carvs can all F off as far as I am concerned. Football is supposed to be entertainment and that is what we didn’t get from any of these 3.

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  75. Psychs

    You can wriggle all you want but we all know you brought this on. You could t see any of it and I repeatedly warned you.

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