Time to lock the fat lady in the cupboard.

kimtoon

HWTL picWell, not long now lads and lasses until we know our fate one way or the other. At the start of every season this is the scenario I dread, I am always worried until we reach 39 points or more. This season I predicted 16th place finish and right now I would snatch your hand off for that lowly position as I’m getting that horrible feeling that the milk is about to sour good and proper.

I have written before about the strange and large amount of coincidences between this season and our previous relegation season, and it’s almost as if the planets are aligning to send us down. Once again it’s us or Hull only now that Sunderland are safe. I have to pay credit to Sunderland who went about their job brilliantly last night and indeed in their previous couple of games . It’s hard to begrudge them their Premier League status even if we did gift them 6 points for the second season running without which they would be relegated already.

So when all the talking is done ( John Carver take note) it comes down to one thing, have we got the team spirit , leadership and togetherness to survive on sunday? Right now I’m really not sure. I worry about the fact that Carver has reportedly told players who are not up for the battle to sit out the game! Does that mean that we don’t get to field a full strength team? What the hell are the club paying their wages for if the case is they can just ‘ sit out’ games that worry them. For heavens sake it has to be a joke right?

Then we have the strange case of Sky Sports tv coverage. The Hull v Man utd game was top billing with the hours coverage before hand. Now suddenly they have switched games and Newcastle v West Ham is the big game! Anyone would think they want to see us go down, I seriously don’t understand the switch, can someone explain it? The Hull game is surely the bigger draw as they will either drop or pull off a miracle win for the first time in 17 seasons. Also given the way we have been playing and West Ham too lately for that matter, it has all the temptation of pair of soggy socks. The pull of devastated Geordie faces is just too much for Sky it would seem.

Right now I just feel sick and can’t see us getting anything out of the game but as always I am living in hope that the players have found their mojo and that John has read up on tactics. Sam Allardyce will relish getting one over on Ashley after being sacked by him and when he says otherwise he’s kidding no one. Likewise Nolan wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep if he scored the goal that sends us down, even if it leaves a certain Andy Carroll gutted come 5pm on sunday.

So here’s to a result on sunday in our favour and to hell with sky sports, Sam Allardyce and all the boo boys getting orgasmic over our possible demise. It ain’t over til the fat lady sings, so lets lock her in the cupboard until 5pm sunday.

HWTL

KIMTOON

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199 thoughts on “Time to lock the fat lady in the cupboard.”

  1. Kimtoon always says it best. I will paraphrase – we can take glorious failure. We can take a few bad games. But this unerring descent into mediocrity and mundaneness is not NUFC. Having an idiot as manager makes it even worse.

    I still think we will stay up like.

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  2. Troysta @75: how did I bring anything on? I didn’t make any management decisions at NUFC. That was all Charnley and Ashley. All I did was say a few things on a blog. I think you are giving me too much credit 🙂

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  3. Psychs

    If we get relegated I will hold you personally responsible for your constant whining to sack Pardew. How you couldn’t foresee this is beyond me.

    Hang your head in shame.

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  4. He was driven out by your hatred towards him. His crime? Doing a steady job in the premier league.

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  5. Yep, it was me Troy. I didn’t sack Pards in the summer and hire a good manager instead. And I was the one that gave the job to Carvs.

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  6. As long as you acknowledge your hate campaign helped to drive him out I’m happy on that one. How you couldn’t see Ashley would have Carver in his mind as a replacement is beyond me. Did you ever consider he would be an option based on Ashleys history?

    If not why not?

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  7. Troysta: I was here in Chicago, chatting on a blog. I hardly consider that a “hate campaign”.

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  9. Troysta @81: the snail at the bottom of my garden would be a consideration for Fatman given that he hired Pardew from the compost heap he was on at the time. But, I was also hopeful that a billionaire businessman might realise his past errors and fix them. I was wrong.

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  10. Troysta: did Alan Pardew contribute a thousand pounds to the Troy beer drinking fund at one time? I can’t think of any other reason you would defend him so vehemently when he wasn’t that good.

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  11. Well if we go down, Danny Guthrie is available on a free having been released from an injury prone 3 years at Reading and unsuccessful stint on loan at Fulham. He had talent, but no drive it seems.

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  14. First time I’ve been excited about the Toon in ages Dave! Actually having a meaningful game to watch… The team has no excuse for not getting a result against the Hammers tomorrow. They are aweful on the road and we have a fairly full set of players. Players that were in the top 10 earlier this season beating the likes of Chelsea.

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  16. apparently Uri Geller has already said we’ll avoid relegation.
    thats good enough for me! he was solely responsible for ending our capital hoodoo after running around highbury 3 times 😯 😳

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  17. 4.6 billion years ago the earth was born. 1.3 million years ago modern man evolved. In 1862 the Blaydon Races were ran and in 1892 NUFC was formed. In 1927 NUFC last won the league. And tomorrow, A PICKLED WALNUT WITH HAIR IS IN CHARGE OF OUR DESTINY.

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  18. Shamrock im dreading it in a way but cant wait till its over, as this season for me has been one of the worst.
    Mark @ 90 thanks 😥

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  21. And Troysta @87: I don’t admit anything, that would be a sign of weakness, Grasshopper. Honestly (copyright JC) talking to you is like talking to a 5 year old sometimes. You occasionally say something smart but most of the time that is just happenstance or repeating something you heard from an adult.

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  22. Scientists have identified a certain sub-species of hominids and have branded it a “Carver”. It has evolved over the past 50 years and is identified by its many wrinkles and looking much older than it is. Professor Joseph Barnard, of Kings College, has remarked on its resemblance to a pickled walnut with hair or maybe a prune. If you encounter this creature on the street please do no approach it as it is likely to ask you for a fight. You will probably be safe however as its main habitat is the golf course and sweaty meeting rooms that have doors that he will ask you to walk out of. Although the creature can talk, it usually only repeats the words honestly and cup final.

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  23. The Scientists said this newly discovered “Carver” grew up in caves with Pardew-Erectus (so named because of its philandering). They said the Pardew-Erectus could be quite charming at times but had a willingness to blame other people for its faults. They think the Carver could have picked up on this and aped it. There is an exhibit of Pardew-Erectus at The Crystal Palace but again you should be warned that this creature is semi-dangerous and might try and nut you if your name is David Meyler.

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  24. And the third creature Scientists discussed was Stevus Brucie. They believe he began life at a far off place where many trophies were collected and he was fit and could run around and head a ball a bit. Then he declined and started to look like a fat Bernard Cribbins, or Bagpuss as others have said. It didn’t help that he lived for a time in a barren wasteland known as Mackem Central. The Carver and the Brucie have distinct heritages but their paths will cross on May 24.

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  25. And the lord said to JC come forth and you will have eternal life,but John came fifth and only won a toaster

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  26. Don’t know why I’m bothering but breaking this season’s self imposed exile from SJP to go and watch the match tomorrow. Will be staying behind to protest at the state this once fine institution has been reduced to. Hopefully we stay up but if we go down so be it. See the thin skinned owner isn’t planning on being there – coward. Like Nero fiddling while Rome burns. All his trusted lieutenants are leaving the sinking ship. Hopefully the players will get their **** in gear even though most couldn’t give a monkeys as to whether we are relegated or not. What a sorry state of affairs. Hope their is a mass cleansing from top to bottom of the club. So many people promoted beyond their capabilities to save a few quid or because they are good at brown nosing. Well our fate is in our own hands and that doesn’t fill me with any confidence sadly. But as Lim Toon says… until the fat lady sings…

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  32. Dave – what more can we say. It’s a travesty. We really don’t deserve to remain in the premiership but I really worry if we drop into the championship how many years we will stay there. We don’t have the quality, fighting spirit, togetherness or managerial capability to get us out of it. Sad thing this was so predictable to anyone with an ounce of understanding of football except to the imbeciles on Barrack Road. The worst thing is the absolute apathy. In all my years supporting the Toon I’ve never known anything like it even in some of the worst times we’ve had to ensure before. I hope to god the article Ice highlighted about Ashley getting interested in luxury propert development is true and he sods off and sells up.

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  35. I see Richard Keyes’ head is still firmly inserted up Andy Gray’s backside then Kim. Has anyone told him he’s allowed to have his own opinion from time to time (so long as his opinion is not on women of course)?

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  36. Carvs said a few minutes ago on the Official NUFC website:

    “We have to win this game. I said a few weeks ago that four points was the target and we got one against West Brom so yes, we have to win.

    Getting more than 1 point from 30 might have helped as well John 🙂

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  37. I’ve read cisse isn’t fit to start??

    A half fit cisse will score more than a fit rivi.

    He has to start…

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  38. GB he was asked once about want he wanted to do with SJP after the KK carry on,he joked turn it into a car park,maybe he wasn’t joking

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  44. Gash – you’re such a defeatist man.
    TOON TOON
    we’re gonna win 😉

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  48. So jabba is coming to the game t/morrow giving support to the club,bit late old son,he is also having a big party bash for his SD staff next week at SJP

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  49. Haha 😉
    I’d say realist 😉 I can cheer all day long but truth isz we’re ****

    Hopefully I’m totally wrong

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  51. @eric

    Probably the same as thousands.. Its a safe bet. Many fans can’t see another win for the toon and man u aren’t great travellers and have already secured champs footy

    But I’ve just read cisse to start… 4-0 to the toon

    Black n white army….

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  52. More from poor, put upon John today:

    “I’ve sacrificed so many things, which is why I was a little bit annoyed about the reports on Monday.

    “I have sacrificed my family life, my social life – I don’t mind that, because I understand how big this job is.

    “It’s very difficult when you’re making those sacrifices to then take the abuse you take.”

    THEN DONT BE SO ***** THEN AND DO A BETTER JOB.

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  53. Mark:

    4-0 for the Toon for me as well as long as aliens take Carvs away before the match.

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  54. The man talks utter rubbish all the time (see quotes @127) – he is now asking for sympathy ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  56. @ Eric

    He’s not a manager, he’s a coach.. Apparently a very good coach if you listen to some of the ex-pros.

    He was asked to do a job he was ill-equipped to do. I don’t blame him for this, I actually feel sorry for him

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  57. According to The Chronic: Ugly John emerges bruised and battered and looking for sympathy ahead of Sunday’s 6th Cup Final in the last 6 games. But he is up for it, apart from having another moan and demanding sympathy. He is up for it though, his record here and everywhere proves he has it in him to motivate the team – using Brentisms and screaming at them. Please shut your mouth Ugly John before my head explodes.

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  58. Mark: I totally disagree with you as you will probably know by what I have written. He has been begging for the Manager’s job and absolutely believes he is “up for it” as he would say. I have no sympathy for him at all and now he has lost his family life because he got the job he wanted is comical – it is one more Carver excuse. The man is a clown and not deserving of anybody’s sympathy.

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  59. To clarify. I general, I would feel sympathy for anyone who had lost their “social life and family life” because of job demands. In Carver’s case it is just one more excuse. It has been 5 months as well. I can tell you many people that make sacrifices for that long and even work away from their family and friends.

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  60. @131, he’s not a very good coach. He’s THE very best coach in the Premier League. He’s just not a manager! But he has my full support between now and 5pm. H’way the Toon! ‘See’ you all for the game. Make sure people put good links up and be prepared for WUMS to crash the blog!

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  62. YOU KNOW, UNCLE ED HAS BEEN DOING A LOT LESS CUTTING AND PASTING FROM THE PAPERS AND EXPRESSING HIS OWN VIEWS LATELY. He has written his blog for 8 LONG, LONG, Ashley years so it is coming from the heart now.

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  63. I would rather watch watch Krankies videos on a loop for 3 days than listen to another minute of John Carver.

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  64. I tell you what pisses me off.
    This pathetic expectation and urge of toon fans that feel the need to turn up for tomorrow’s game.
    Let’s get to the reality.
    The players have had 50k fans spurring them on all season. Yet they can’t muster up a performance in the last 10 games for any fan, pundit or independent observer to actually praise them.
    All of a sudden, it’s a rallying call from the club to get behind the team.
    Really? I thought we had been. Not just this season but the last 8 seasons and beyond
    For me, the start of this season and the lack of ambition shown finished me off. I sacked my season ticket and feel no regret and feel strong anosity towards the club and each individual who plays their part in being Ashleys puppet.
    I felt the same about Pardew yet he did a sterling job with the resources he had, but I hated everything he stood for, ie, supporting the regime.
    Tomorrow for me brings a crossroads
    And I’ve got to be honest, I don’t care which way the club turns. I’m seriously in limbo. That is a really sad state of affairs from one of the most passionate toon fans and I am.
    Cest sera sera.

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  65. You said it from the heart Troysta @139, from the heart. I know you and me give each other a hard time but I know that you are NUFC through and through and are getting a bit upset. Let’s see if it will be a possible new beginning today?

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  66. Winter is coming Troy Snow. But I fear the North doesn’t have a true leader. Steve the Bruce knows nothing either. It may come down to Papisse of Cisse or Seim de Jong of the Orangeland to intervene. Hold fast brave Troy, and watch Game of Thrones on Monday night with your dragons if we get relegated to take your mind off it.

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  67. And Sir Troysta Junior the Third of Castle Benwell Estate, remember that Alan and John will always be with you. You have been a true and loyal servant.

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  69. woke up, first thing on my mind 😯 😯

    This is the day, I feel very nervous, apprehensive. All the bullshit will have to end once the whistle blows. no more promises, battle cries. Its time to see if we have one game in us to keep us in this division. If not, well we deserve to go down.

    I’d start
    Krul
    Janmaat Willo Collo Dummett
    Cabella/Jonas Sissoko Collback Aarons
    Perez
    Cisse

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  70. I love the Toon me like, how many clubs would go to all this trouble just to keep our interest going right up until the last day? we are truly privileged 😉

    Not arsed what Hull do as NUFC will pull of a shock and actually win today (more in blind faith than any sort of expectation).

    And lastly a big thank you to Mike Ashley, I was over in UK in March and for the first time since the 1979/80 season (bar when I was doing my Army training), I didn’t go to an NUFC home match 👿 tw@t!!!

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  71. nice to see all the big wigs and staff are being flown from Shirebrook to have a SD party @St James next week.. regardless if we stay up or go down.

    Theyve even planned a game of footy on the hallow turf of St James 👿 Well.. might as well get the most out of it, it might be the best footy seen there this season 😆

    anyhow.. Come on the Toon! One last push, if you can muster enough strength, don’t be trying too hard tho, you may end up like Anita and get cramp..bless

    TOON TOON

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  72. Mark: why play Williamson. We cannot have two hoofers (him and Krul) because we do not have a target man. The ball always just comes back to us.

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  73. @Eric.
    As **** as Willo is, he’ll have a point to prove, he’ll hopefully be charged and ready to battle 😯 😛

    Who else would you play there? Dummett.. and Anita or Jonas at right-back 🙁 no, I reckon Willo is the best of a **** selection. he’s not great but I do believe he’s committed to our cause

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  74. Ignore the drivel out of the Shitemaster General’s mouth. You are all seasoned pros who have played hundreds of games each. There is talent in our team, show it today. Forget all of the pathetic Carverisms and show us some guts and glory.

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