The Four Horsemen of Our Apocalypse

Eric Sykes

Conquest, War, Famine and Death or just rubbish footballers?
Conquest, War, Famine and Death or just rubbish footballers?
Everyone likes to rag on Gouffran, Obertan, Marveaux and Williamson, and I think these are the four players everyone loves to hate, but the transfer window is closed now so what do we have?

Goofy: when he first arrived he seemed decent but has suffered the curse of the utility player. He has had such a dramatic loss of form that a lot of fans have turned against him. He has been played all over the shop and now he has no positional sense. I feel sorry for him.

Squidward: The player with no end product, and who wouldn’t have a girlfriend if he wasn’t a highly paid footballer! We were probably the last ones to be duped by Ferguson (except maybe Man U when they hired Moyes), but three of our Managers have seen something in him, the latest being McClaren. It is like Friday the 13th, he cannot be killed and there is always a sequel. He will continue to frustrate and probably will find a team looking to his potential when he is 30!

Marv-the-Groin: People forget that we hijacked his transfer to Liverpool and he was very well thought of in France. He has since had an operation that put him out for 18 months and I am not even sure if he has ever been fully fit although he showed glimpses of being a decent player. Now he has another groin injury. I am told that his Missus has been on the internet looking for a bit of strange.

Willo: what can you say? He is scared of the ball and likes a hoof. But he has been played under all of our last four managers. He is behind our current incumbents, but he may be only one injury away from a recall. Dummett and Lascelles are untested and Steven Taylor may fall off the mantlepiece again and break. Don’t be so sure we haven’t seen the last of him.

Three of these four have contracts expiring next year, with Gouffran being the exception. We supposedly had offers and they will be worth nowt in January. So what exactly is our transfer policy with our deadwood? Probably, their wages are too high and the usual hardball tactics meaning we don’t get the deal done, right? My opinion is get them out so that the Manager does not have the option to ever play them again.

However, if past is prologue we will be seeing some of them in the first team again by Halloween. There is always room for temporary redemption at NUFC. Be afraid, be very afraid.

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234 thoughts on “The Four Horsemen of Our Apocalypse”

  1. If it is simply down to ability then the recruit/scout should be questioned. Can’t recall if Carr was here then.

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  2. SHARPY

    But that’s also speculation with the figures! We have no idea if Willo wanted to move or if there was a £2m offer for him. We also have no idea what Willo has in his contract in terms of a “loyalty bonus”, where the club often has to pay him a certain amount if he leaves without handing in a transfer request.

    I don’t get it…you know Mike Ashley is a shrewd businessman, you know he likes penny pinching whenever possible, yet you’re complaining that he didn’t make some more money?

    If we sold these 4 then we’d only register 22 players over 25 and that would include Bigi too.

    Regardless of the wages they are on, I simply don’t care about the finances, I only care that they are NUFC players and maybe can do a job. I’ll let the money people worry about the implications of a transfer and decide if it’s right for the club.

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  3. I predicted 7 points from the first 7 matches, so we need 5 from the remaining 3. A win and 2 draws. Possible but not likely.

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  4. TDS – ok mate, we’ll agree to disagree. I’d sooner get rid of players on big wages to will contribute little to nothing to make room in the squad and reduce the wage bill. I think if we got rid of those 4, we’d have enough to get through to Jan when there would then be 4 spaces available to buy players and a saving in wages to pay them too.

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  5. We’ve got to steady the ship mates. And don’t rock the boat. And don’t jump on the band wagon. And fong the owner for the sweet baby Jesus.

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  7. Let’s get rid of everybody including Ashley and start over again. Just have a big garage sale with players milling about…..An outdoor auction. I’m betting we can get at least 500 quid altogether…..

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  9. I can’t believe that Lee. Do those glasses of his work?? Is he mad?? What does he tell Mike?
    “Look Mike darling I know we’re in 19th place but we’re actually much improved! We would have been in 20th place if not for my brilliance in the summer…..Let me put some soothing music on for you….how about some Def Leppard?”

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  11. SHARPY

    I think we’ll have to agree to disagree, yes.

    I’d happily get rid of fringe players but I care less about the finances and more about what our players do on the pitch, and if some of these players play a few minutes this season, then that would justify keeping them on for me. I want our best 11 on the pitch at all times. I don’t want to see us lose to the mackems because we play some 17 year old kid who isn’t ready all because we didn’t keep one of this experienced lot.

    I’d still be happy if they all get sold Jan and we get better replacements…

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  12. I really wish I’d finished my article a year or two ago…

    I’ve said on here several times before that I felt the sensible decision was to consolidate the club, in terms of finances, squad, being in the PL etc. I think we should have finished comfortably in mid table last season and only JC screwed it up.

    So once things are stable, make a push to the next level. All makes sense to me. The statement from Charnley is exactly what I expected would happen at some point. This is basically the kind of thing that Everton and Arsenal are crying out for. A statement of intent to get to that next level. They’re both stable at their levels but won’t push on.

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  13. Interesting email and message from Charnley.

    Hope they stick to it and to me the figures leaked to the press of £100m ect may be right if Charnley is to be believed.

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  15. I too believe we can be a stable 15th place club. So I support the tremendous lack of effort we had until this last window. The careful choices of DoF, MD, DM, chief witch doctor and various head coaches and managers has left me in awe of Mike Ashley’s football skills…..

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  16. One thing that may well play into our hands is that Spurs and Liverpool may, just may have to reduce their spending due to financial commitments on their new or improved stadiums. Let’s be honest, if we spent £100m over the next couple of windows we will go some to catching them up. Providing we buy the right players that is…

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  17. TDS – pretty poor example id say mate. Our senior players have hardly faired well against the Scum in the last 5 encounters to be fair.
    The article Hitman has put up has Charnley saying that the new additions this summer have increased the wage bill by £9m – the same about we are coughing up for these 4 duds. You may not like that, or want to think about that, but it’s relevant.
    Imagine if we could get shot of these 4 duds and bring in 4 new players of equal quality to Gini, Mit, Thauvin & Mbemba – how much stronger would our squad look then?!.

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  19. SHARPY

    I agree the scum example is a bit rich considering our recent efforts…but still, if one of these 4 put in a performance on the 6th occasion, it would be worth it, right??

    And…er…even if we could save £9m a year on wages for these 4, you think that would cover wages and transfer fees for 4 like the others you mentioned??? 😉 Of course I’d take another 4 top players over these. Bad example too…

    The wage bill has increased by £9m. Fine. But we’ve also lost the likes of Jonas, Raylor and others from that wage bill so your maths is not really relevant in this case mate.

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  20. Sharpy – I’d definitely let Marv go on a free and would reduce the asking price for Goufrran and Williamson. I don’t think we paid £2m between them.

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  21. TDS – Wrong!. I don’t think 5yrs getting paid around £10m during that time would be a fair return for a goal against the Scum at all.
    As for my maths, it’s just fine. The £9m were paying the duds will then pay the new 4. The £100m we have sat in the bank will pay for their fees and whatever else 😉

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  23. if we carnt shift the deadwood now,theres not a chance we will in january.
    the players whos contract end next summer will be able to talk to other clubs in january.

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  25. TDS – maybe not, and in all honesty I’ll be surprised to see us spend as much £50m in a window again – but don’t think it’s beyond us.
    I reckon come Jan, McClaren will look to loan. I think he may look at players like Jesse Lingard and hope to have an option to buy.
    I think they will know which players they want to go after next summer and will be keeping a close eye on them and their situations in Jan too.

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  26. Does anyone know if we appealed Mitrovics red card?
    Just looking at SSN and Nobles has been overturned & Afellay has had his suspension reduced from 3 to 2 games.

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  27. SHARPY, I mostly agree with your post 100. I hope we don’t have to rely on the loan market too much, unless we have an option to buy anyway.

    But yes, we now have half a season to see how things go and gives McClaren a chance to decide what next.

    At least there’s some progress!

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  28. Troysta @74: you couldn’t make what up? I was following my idol, Lee Ryder, and did no research but I think the facts are correct. I know you will have a different opinion, you always do 🙂

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  29. Sharpy17@101, was just thinking the same thing myself mate…

    Didn’t we get Gouffron out of contract for 500k euros, and bought Willo for 1 million, yet now we want 4,6 million quid and 2,5 million for either of them. No wonder we couldn’t budge them …

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  35. TAE: they are a non-profit. I am not sure if they take admin fees for the staff but I think it is much more of a protest against Wonga.

    I recently bought a Toon shirt and bought the Broon Ale retro. Some money was paid as a license to NUFC but the main reason I got it is because I didn’t want Wonga on my chest. Also it looks a lot better than that new one with the blue **** flap and blue flecks.

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  36. ERIC SYKES
    so ya bought a shirt that the club got no money for and you have the front to slate wonga 😆

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  38. TAE: it is a retro shirt that is officially licensed by NUFC so they did get a fee. It was a win/win NUFC got some money and I don’t have Wonga on my chest.

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  39. TAE: bought it at kitbag.com a UK company that Ashley would put out of business if NUFC wasn’t getting their cut 🙂

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  40. I see Wales are about to leapfrog England in the world rankings. Can somebody explain how the rankings work? I don’t want to take anything away from Wales, who are doing very well and I’m very happy for them and hope the qualify – but they have been to no major championships for ever and England are top of their group with a 100% record – so how do Wales leapfrog England??

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  42. The debate about fees and wages somewhat misses the point with these fringe players. They’re demotivated and know they’re just filling in time, collecting good wages. What are they like in training? Are they providing drive and commitment, good opposition in training games against the first team? My feeling is no. They’re just clogging up the squad and need to be got rid of asap!

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  43. Goergio – TDS thinks they’re worth their wages becasue they might tell good jokes in the changing rooms. I know, don’t laugh too much. 🙄 😯 🙂

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  47. Had to laugh the gunners fans were to hold a protest outside the ground about the lack of signings had to be called off as no one turned up 😆 😆

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  49. Sham@115 – Unfortunately I’m an Englishman living in Wales so getting a lot of abuse today.

    From what I understand, the point system is quite easy to exploit, and you can in fact lower your overall rating if you are say, number 10 in the world, and end up playing (and beating easily) someone ranked really far below you.

    Wales have been in really good form lately, so rising rapidly into the top 20 really isn’t that hard (look at some of the other teams in there) but I think beating Belgium (who at the time were ranked something like 7th?) has really boosted their points for the current rankings.

    To be fair to them, given the passion of the relevent squads and how both sides would likely play, I wouldn’t be at all confident of beating them. We might be better in 9 positions even with a second string side, but Bale and Ramsey are actually capable of playing at their best for their national side, which I haven’t seen a good England player do since…uhh………

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  51. What I worry about is our lack of effort in a attacking sense I know a lot of work seems to done on the defence but apart from the cup game we have had four/five shots on target in four games even with ten men in a couple of games it isn’t good enough,surely SM knows that this is going to take longer to get the right balance than we think

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  52. Newkie – you obviously avoided Chelsea & Lpool players 🙄

    I hear you are the Pardew of the FFL world though mate 😉 I’m more a Fergie & will come good in the 2nd half of the season … (I hope!!)

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  53. Ice – it is a worry mate, so will be keen to see what we can do in the next few matches. It’s all well and good saying we’ve addressed the defence – because we haven’t conceded too many, but we will automatically open ourselves up to more goals as soon as we make a concious effort to go forward and score – so time will tell.

    Also, whilst not shipping loads is good – and at least keeps us in the game, we didn’t exactly force Swans or Arsenal to score more – they were comfortable enough that they didn’t need to force the issue and could treat the match almost like a training session..

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  54. Sharpy – actually I had two of both, Cahill/Azpill and Milner/Hendo, all of whom have done absolutely nothing this season 👿

    I can’t decide which one I want rid of first…Cahill I suppose.

    I think Ayew and Smalling have carried me so far…not exactly a dream team!

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  55. And actually I even started the season with bloody Ings as forgot to get rid of him before season start, Dzeko too! No idea how i’m still in contention really , I will plummet after this week no doubt so will make the most of it for now 😉

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  57. Newkie@128 – You’ve got to wonder how long Mac will continue with a 6 man defence. Obviously playing Colback and Anita deep makes us hard to beat but against the less good teams we’re going to have to do a hell of a lot better. That probably means ditching one of the two and using a proper box to box mid – could be Sissoko or Wini unless Mac thinks Colback can do that job. Anita can’t.

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  59. I also think Wini looks a little lost further up. He’s used to starting deep and thrusting forward. Sissoko’s like that too.
    Having said that Colback and Anita have been working tirelessly for the team. Hard to drop them.
    433 could be the answer.

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  61. Georgio – agreed, I’ve said a few times now I think Anita should be dropped and Sissoko pushed back. Anita has done alright this season fair play, but he will never impose himself on a game, he isn’t that kind of player. Colback should be enough to do the dirty work, and if he’s having a bad day either Tiote or Anita can cover for him, or we could bring someone on to see a game out. I wasn’t completely against Sissoko on the wing before because we used to have completely ineffective wingers. Now we have Thauvin, and Perez can play wide, and a proper attacking midfielder in Gini/Siem, surely Sissoko should be utilised as a box to box player?

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  62. ON THIS DAY in 1893, NUFC drew 2-2 away at Woolwich Arsenal in the club’s first ever Football League game. pic.twitter.com/i68c38ql92

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  63. Disagree about gini being lost though, think it’s too early to tell – he’s had little time and even less support from the midfield. He seems a natural goal scorer, so he needs to be further up than someone like Sissoko imo.

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  64. Stu@106, To answer your question mate. I have checked the PL stats for our 4 league games so far and it’s a total of 29 shots with 7 on target. Oh and 10 off target.

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  65. I would like to shuffle the formation in order to get Perez on the pitch. I thought he was our best mid/forward against Man U and he was dropped. It would probably mean sacrificing Anita, although Thauvin might be seen as a luxury in away games.

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  66. Can someone clear this up for me? Why do we play with an away strip when the B/W stripes don’t clash with the other team, like at Man U? If the idea is to promote a brand then wouldn’t wearing the iconic shirt do this better than some grey or mauve Puma intern’s design?

    Not that we wear B/W anymore it is black, white and blue.

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  67. agreed Eric.

    I fear we won’t score many goals unless Perez is fizzing about somewhere.

    I’d play :

    Sissoko / Anita
    Thaurvin / Gini / Perez
    Cisse

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  68. Sorry to bore people with this but it has been in the news over the past few days. I was looking at the new alternative shirt and found this. The official Wonga shirt is going for $36, about 20 quid. They can’t be shifting too many of them:

    http://www.bonanza.com/listings/Newcastle-United-Jersey-2015-2016-15-16-Kit-Home-Soccer/266098634?gpid=76984043821&gpkwd=&goog_pla=1&gclid=Cj0KEQjw35-vBRD3qKz8hPezlIIBEiQAOeKNrkGRVhSCEz8Tdx5_hKC-W0x-ixzmXETmK1LlrflJrLoaAnQP8P8HAQ

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  69. I also disagree Gini looks lost, I’d say he hasnt adjusted to our defensive system yet. How many goals will we score this season I wonder 😕

    If I had my way Id play:

    Thaurvin / Tiote / Sissoko
    Gini
    Cisse / Perez /

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  71. People may not like it, or disagree but I’d drop both Anita & Colback as neither are natural holding midfielders. I’d stick Tiote back in there personally

    ———————– Krul ——————-
    Janmaat – Mbemba – Colo – Haidara
    ———————- Tiote ——————-
    ———– Sissko —- —– Gini ———–
    — Perez ———————– Thauvin —
    ——————– Mitrovic —————–

    I reckon Sissoko & Gini could be part of an a 7 man defensive unit when needed or part of a 5 man attack.
    Perez & Thauvin have the pace to get in and help Mitrovic or Cisse out and I’d be encouraging them to stay forward with having that 3 man midfield. A lot of our clearances or breaks come for long balls out of defence, but our CF is generally alone up there, can’t manage to keep the ball and it ends up coming back at the defence. If Perez & Thauvin stay up there, hopefully they can create more of a counter attack with either Sissoko or Gini bombing forward in support.

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  72. Sharpy. I like your layout. I would play that away against better sides. At home against weakerones I would like to take Tiote out and play SDJ up with perez & thauvin

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  73. Trouble with playing Tiote as a holding player is that he is likely to keep on holding it. Anita far superior passer of the ball to either Colback or Tiote. Pity mind that we got rid of Abeid IMO.

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