Newcastle 0-2 Chelsea: Passive, pathetic and pretty lucky it wasn’t six

Yet another pathetic attempt to win a game of football from Steve Bruce’s Newcastle United, with us hugely fortunate to lose by just two goals against a wasteful Chelsea who should’ve scored five or six.

In the end, it was a Federico Fernandez own goal and second half strike from Tammy Abraham that did the damage, yet it never felt for a moment like we were in the game, with us sitting deep throughout, failing to commit bodies forward or throw a glove on Frank Lampard’s in-form side at either end of the pitch.

The least I expected was a response from that abysmal display at Southampton, yet what was served up was just as bad. Chelsea were good – but we were so bad they should’ve won by a cricket score without ever really breaking a sweat or getting out of 2nd gear.

Steve Bruce made FOUR changes to the side that struggled badly two weeks ago at Southampton. Callum Wilson failed a late fitness test, meaning Joelinton started up top, Hayden came in for Hendrick, Clark replaced Schar and Manquillo came back in at right wing-back – allowing Murphy to feature higher up in more of a 5-4-1.

The game kicked off and, aside from Joelinton’s powerful burst infield in the first 30 seconds, it didn’t take Chelsea long to force a very good stop out of who else but Karl Darlow.

After Timo Werner was slipped in down the left, his shot across goal heading for the bottom corner if it wasn’t for a superb touch from the stopper to tip just wide.

That was an early warning sign, but another huge chance and big save arrived just five minutes later, with Karl Darlow stopping a point blank Tammy Abraham header from a sumptuous cross from Hakim Ziyech.

Sadly, Chelsea then got the early lead they deserved via a Mason Mount cross that was awkwardly turned into his own goal by Federico Fernandez. Awful defending on the whole from a basic short corner and a totally unconvincing attempt from the Argentine to clear his lines.

A poor goal to concede, but we can’t say it wasn’t coming, with us lucky to be just 0-1 down at this point.

Over 80 minutes to go, yet it already felt like we had a mountain to climb, with the visitors enjoying 85% of the ball at this point. Yes, EIGHTY-five.

Plan A (if there even was one) to sit back, frustrate Chelsea and hope to nick one at the other end as we did last season was gone, but there was no sign of plan B as we remained stuck in our own half, failing to press and continuing to leave Joelinton as the only player who wasn’t stuck behind the ball.

Just before the half-hour mark, Werner then missed a golden chance to make it 2-0, scuffing wide after waltzing through our five-man defence like it wasn’t even there.

We’d only had SIX touches in their final third at this point, had 19% of the ball and should’ve been 0-3 down, only for a few decent openings to emerge for Allan Saint-Maximin – who’d been on the fringes of the game at this point.

After his clever back-heel just failed to get Jamal Lewis in on goal, he then squared up a Chelsea defender and looked in a great position to score after cutting in well, only for his shot to be blocked.

A rare moment in the opposition half and two decent openings, but quite telling that neither forced Mendy into making a save. Still, a sign that this Chelsea defence can be got at if we got ASM on the ball in good areas, at least, however this game was only going one way if we didn’t get out our own half and closer to a painfully isolated Joelinton.

Half-time and we could count ourselves lucky to be just 0-1 down in what was a pathetically passive display full of misplaced passes, a lack of pressing and poor defending.

To sum up the extent of that diabolical first 45, Chelsea centre-back Kurt Zouma completed just five passes less (65) than the ENTIRE Newcastle side (70), with us also making just ONE tackle up to this point.

The second half started and there was one change, with Jamal Lascelles hobbling off with a knee injury and Fabian Schar coming on in his place.

We had a little more of the ball in the opening stages, but intensity levels were still lacking and, yet again, it wasn’t long until Timo Werner got in behind.

He made the most of some horrific defending from Schar, robbing the Swiss centre-back and bearing down on goal – only for an unselfish pass across the box to Hakim Ziyech being under-hit and easily intercepted.

Yet again I was left wondering how it was only 0-1, but the longer we kept them out at that end – albeit fortunately – the more chance we had of nicking the most undeserved draws, with Hayden smashing over a big chance (that might’ve been penalised as a handball had he scored) and Joelinton side-footing a decent chance just over the bar after finding space on the edge of the area.

They were our big moments to get back into the game, but normal service was resumed soon after via another marauding run from Timo Werner – only this time it ended in a goal.

The German burst through several black and white bodies on the counter, cut inside and slipped Tammy Abraham in on goal, who made no mistake in sliding the ball past Darlow and in off the post. 0-2, game over and no less than Chelsea deserved.

With 20 minutes left, Sean Longstaff gave us a rare moment to enjoy. His 30-yard strike looked destined for the top corner to give us a late lifeline, only for it to clip the bar and fly into the Gallowgate End for a goal kick.

We now had two options. Either go for it and risk a hammering or sit back and accept our fate. Based on Bruce’s decision to take off ASM and bring on Andy Carroll – who hasn’t scored a PL goal for over three years – it’s fair to say he went for the latter.

The offside flag then saved us from going 0-3 down after Werner rounded Darlow and poked home, then Mason Mount was the latest Chelsea player to get in behind a few moments later – only for his effort to be scuffed wide.

After coming on for the disappointing Manquillo, Almiron’s had a deflected effort saved by Mendy following some good work from Joelinton, but it was all too little too late, with us waiting until the 80t minute mark to test the Senegalese stopper.

In a moment that summed up our total lack of attacking intent, we had a throw-in next to the corner flag with seven minutes to play – yet it took as many seconds for us to play the ball all the way back to Karl Darlow…

Chelsea look a very good side, but we paid them too much respect and could’ve easily lost 0-5 on another day in what was a passive, pathetic and ultimately pointless watch at St James’ Park.

Next up we face Palace (a), Aston Villa (a), West Brom (h), Leeds (a) and Fulham (h). Fail to improve over what promises to be a season-defining festive period and we’ll be in serious trouble.

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About Olly Hawkins

Olly has been a Junior Magpie from birth. As a season ticket holder and avid Newcastle United fan - he eats, sleeps and breathes all things NUFC.

131 thoughts on “Newcastle 0-2 Chelsea: Passive, pathetic and pretty lucky it wasn’t six

  1. Stu – I know mate I was on a rant. The lad has been sent home to isolate for 10 days coz he had a PE lesson last Tuesday with a kid who tested positive over the weekend – he’s off til the 2nd Dec along with 50 other kids!!.
    It’s all just got beyond stupid for me now.

    He’s a smart kid so I don’t think this year will set him back too much, but still. Everything else going on will Impact him in the next 5 years or more.

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  2. Sharpy, my granddaughter went back to school in September ( her ‘O’ Level year ) and was sent home 2 days later to isolate for two weeks as she had been sat in front of a girl who tested positive. The girl had been in eleven lessons and every kid who had sat in front of her , behind her , and to either side of her had to go home – as did the eleven teachers who had been in contact with her.

    Hopefully this new vaccine will help to alleviate the symptoms of covid and allow things to get back to normal for the next school year.

    On football:
    I watched Steve Bruce on Tyne Tees last night when he looked and spoke like a man who knows he has lost the fans and probably lost his players as well.
    I would not be surprised if he lost his job by Xmas.

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  3. I dont want Bruce to fail. But I dont know what him and the other Steves are doing?

    How about Duncan Ferguson as manager?

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  4. I watched the news today, Oh Boy. It was interesting because it gave me an insight I hadnt even considered. When the vaccines are distributed, each one means that is one less person you can get this horrible virus from. So, just like there can be an exponential increase in cases when it goes up because we come into contact with carriers, there will be an exponential decrease as more are immune.

    Made me hopeful…

    I think we have about 4 more months of this and we will be through it for the most part although there will be a big spike in the US after Thanksgiving. But that will be the peak.

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  5. OK. Does anybody know anybody that wants Bruce as manager?

    Immediate Family? Distant relatives? Friends and Neighbours? The next door neighbours cat?

    It is not just social media against him like Bruce says FFS.

    The only people that think he is doing a good job are pundits.

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  6. WHO MADE THE PUPPETS FOR THE NEW SPITTING IMAGE?

    They are crap. The show itslelf is OK, but the puppets!!!!!!!!!?????????

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  7. Bruce isn’t capable I think that’s obvious. He knows the football isn’t good enough and he’s told some journos that himself. The fact that it hasn’t changed tells me he’s not capable of changing it otherwise he would have.

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  8. Stuart79:
    Bruce isn’t capable I think that’s obvious. He knows the football isn’t good enough and he’s told some journos that himself. The fact that it hasn’t changed tells me he’s not capable of changing it otherwise he would have.

    Get some better coaches in man.!!!!!!! How many crap Steves do you need?

    Liverpool have a trow-in coach FFS.

    We have like a 10% success rate if throw-ins. If yiu watch our games we fart around for like minute looking for a players and then it goes back to the thrower who misses it and ends up with the opponent.

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  9. FCK:

    How can you be really worst in the leagiue at throw-ins? You have to be a moron of giant proportions not to fix that? A sh!t sandwich. A Mrs Doubtfire cabbage heed full of manure.

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  10. Alreet. Rant, yeah rant.

    What we do for a throw in is let the other team press our players. Just let them get in their arses. May as well be a gay sex film. Wait, and wait. They know they can do it! They put like 3 players on our 2 players and we lose the ball FFS.

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  11. WE ARE THE WORST IN TL PL AT THROW-INS.

    Watch us.

    We are crap.

    Nobody is worse.

    Not Fulham, Not West Brom, not even the Mackems in League 1.

    We are the worst.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  12. Signs that our coaches (the Steves) dont know what they are doing:

    1. Throw-ins. We take an age and then the opposition gets the ball.

    2. Backpasses to the goalkeeper. Our defenders are scared of the ball and we have gone back to the days of Timmy-the-hoof.

    3. Corners – how often do we hit the 1st man or float it in there?

    4. Free kicks. Murphy scored one but he said he had noticed a quirk in the ‘keepers wall alignment when watching a video in his hotel room. Had nothing to do with coaching. We squander every free kick we ge in the opposition half.

    Good Things:

    1. Somebody seems to have fixed Darlow’s head and made him not a deer in the headlights anymore and corrected his decision making. Maybe it is a maturity thing but I will give another one of the Steves (Harper) credit until I hear otherwise.

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  13. So we’re coming out of lockdown on 3rd December straight into lockdown. Absolutely embarrassing. How on earth are business’ suppose to survive? It really is pathetic. We’re suppose to be happy that this is only until March. I suspect more people will have died between now and March of depression, heart disease and strokes brought on by stress than will die of Covid.

    Whilst other countries in the world are coming out of lockdown we’re staying steadfastly in it.

    It’s also worth pointing out that allowing families to see each other for five days over Christmas isn’t really that exciting given you can’t go anywhere with them. You can’t go to the pub or out for food. You’re stuck inside!

    Well done the scientists and the pro lockdown, Covid deaths matter more than any other deaths people. You won.

    Don’t forget to own it though. Tell the civil service who won’t get a pay rise for a couple of years you wanted this, tel those who are impoverished due to unemployment you knew it would come to this but you still wanted it and tell the families of those who die in the future due to average health care you knew it would come to this but wanted anyway.

    Well done.

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  14. Ice , I was sorry to hear your daughter was attacked at work, shouldn’t happen. She has my total respect, and does make a difference like all NHS staff.
    Because of our Lewis i have come into contact with many paramedics over the years and they have all been wonderful caring people, extremely calming when you are at your most vulnerable.
    Send her a big thanks from me and tell her most decent folk know how hard she works.

    Sharpy, Lots of cases in schools here in Bristol now, particularly South Bristol where I am 🙁 Need this darn thing to just f off now. Feel for you mate, can’t be easy.

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  15. kimtoon:
    Ice , I was sorry to hear your daughter was attacked at work, shouldn’t happen. She has my total respect, and does make a difference like all NHS staff.
    Because of our Lewis i have come into contact with many paramedics over the years and they have all been wonderful caring people, extremely calming when you are at your most vulnerable.
    Send her a big thanks from me and tell her most decent folk know how hard she works.

    Sharpy, Lots of cases in schools here in Bristol now, particularly South Bristol where I am Need this darn thing to just f off now. Feel for you mate, can’t be easy.

    thanks,i will give her your thanks,when she gets time off lol

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  16. Watching the tv this morning anyone would think the governments relaxed rules for five days over Christmas is compulsory and if you don’t mix you’ll be arrested. It’s called choice. If people are worried don’t mix it really is that simple.

    I’d also call into question these ludicrous predictions from these scientists that five days of lesser restrictions over Christmas will cause hundreds and hundreds of deaths and take us into a third wave! Where’s the logic in that? We aren’t anywhere near where we were in April currently and that is after 3/4 months of hardly any restrictions so how on earth a meagre five days will cause another wave is completely beyond me. More scaremongering from these idiotic scientists IMO.

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  17. So we can have 3 families of mixed generations mixing for a few days over Christmas ! Wow, granny has been shielding all year only to put her life on the line by having a Christmas knees up for a few days. Bonkers .

    Lets hope most exercise a bit of common sense and keep to themselves or meet up outside in masks or we’ll be in a right old mess come end of january. Such a shame when the vaccines are within touching distance. I hope folk realize you cannot have the shot when suffering symptoms and that it takes 6 weeks after the shot to build up full immunity.
    Is Christmas more important than getting back to normal.

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  18. Oh and Bruce out.
    Should count his lucky stars that stadiums are empty cause he’d soon realize that it’s not a small minority on social media calling for his head.
    We are not delusional
    We know poor tactics when we see them
    We are fed up with crap football.

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  19. Stuart79:
    Watching the tv this morning anyone would think the governments relaxed rules for five days over Christmas is compulsory and if you don’t mix you’ll be arrested. It’s called choice. If people are worried don’t mix it really is that simple.

    I’d also call into question these ludicrous predictions from these scientists that five days of lesser restrictions over Christmas will cause hundreds and hundreds of deaths and take us into a third wave! Where’s the logic in that? We aren’t anywhere near where we were in April currently and that is after 3/4 months of hardly any restrictions so how on earth a meagre five days will cause another wave is completely beyond me. More scaremongering from these idiotic scientists IMO.

    Stu, In Bristol we have more in hospital than when at it’s worse point in spring. More in the ICU and we have now started using the nightingail hospital too. All non covid is going there from other hospitals freeing up space in main hospitals for covid cases.
    I’m starting to hear of cases in folk known to me that wasn’t happening back in springtime, NOT elderly either, Luckily i’ve not been near them.
    It’s still very much active in the community it’s just we have found better ways of treating it, still we are still seeing a lot of deaths daily in the south west sadly.
    London has a lot of cases too, though not all over to be fair, all the same it needs putting in tier 3 if there is to be fairness considering what happened to those up North.

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  20. Stewie: I thought you said Boris and Co were doing a good job? You defend him and his pals all of the time on here. On economics, on covid. What is it? Is he doing good or bad?

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  21. Also, though you make a good point about this not being an order to mix Stu, the fact remains this is a green light to the moron brigade to be totally ****less over Christmas, screwing it up for the rest of us.

    You know i kinda think better advice would of been to say no mixing at home outside your bubble but you can go for christmas lunch to a restaurant with others where social distancing is in place.
    Folk would be less likely to hug and closely interact outside the home and it would boost the income of the hospitality sector .
    In the main the hotel restaurants and high Street restaurants have gone to extreme lengths to make the setting a safe environment for people and would certainly be a lot safer in my humble opinion.

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  22. One day we WILL be covid free and hopefully in the ownership of a new owner with a better coach and in the stadiums watching better football . The alternative is unthinkable .

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  23. kimtoon:
    So we can have 3 families of mixed generations mixing for a few days over Christmas ! Wow, granny has been shielding all year only to put her life on the line by having a Christmas knees up for a few days. Bonkers .

    Lets hope most exercise a bit of common sense and keep to themselves or meet up outside in masks or we’ll be in a right old mess come end of january. Such a shame when the vaccines are within touching distance. I hope folk realize you cannot have the shot when suffering symptoms and that it takes 6 weeks after the shot to build up full immunity.
    Is Christmas more important than getting back to normal.

    Kim as I said in my previous post. 5 days of lesser restrictions are hardly going to create hell on earth in new Covid cases in January when it took 3 to 4 months of lesser restrictions in the summer to get us where we are today. It’s not logical.

    Oh and I’m afraid government can’t be making policies based on how the odd “moron” will act.

    We should have just reverted back to the old tier system if we must have tiers.

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  24. Eric Sykes:
    Stewie: I thought you said Boris and Co were doing a good job? You defend him and his pals all of the time on here. On economics, on covid. What is it? Is he doing good or bad?

    Eric, I’m very balanced in my critique of the government. If I think they’re being unfairly treated I’ll say but also if I think they’re doing something wrong I will also say. What’s wrong with that?

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  25. Stuart79: Eric, I’m very balanced in my critique of the government. If I think they’re being unfairly treated I’ll say but also if I think they’re doing something wrong I will also say. What’s wrong with that?

    Balanced?

    What?

    You have a chip on both shoulders about Tories?

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  26. The fans things is stupid isn’t it?!.

    Why doesn’t the government leave it with the clubs to decide how many fans they can safely let back into each ground rather than capping it to 2k or 4K or whatever it is.

    Mind that said. Fans aren’t allowed to sing or shout while in the grounds so I’m not entirely sure of the point of letting them back in the stadium anyway – it’s hardly going to create an atmosphere is it?!.

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  27. Sharpy17:
    The fans things is stupid isn’t it?!.

    Why doesn’t the government leave it with the clubs to decide how many fans they can safely let back into each ground rather than capping it to 2k or 4K or whatever it is.

    Mind that said.Fans aren’t allowed to sing or shout while in the grounds so I’m not entirely sure of the point of letting them back in the stadium anyway – it’s hardly going to create an atmosphere is it?!.

    If they did that clubs would have stadiums at full capacity

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  28. So the hand of God has gone to meet him, depending on what your beliefs are.
    Cheat but a brilliant footballer RIP Maradona.

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  29. Sad Kimtoon. Just glad it wasnt Covid otherwise we would be arguing all day with Stewie about whether it was the Argentine Govt’s fault or the pengiuns in South Georgia under British rule what done it.

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  30. Eric Sykes:
    Sad Kimtoon. Just glad it wasnt Covid otherwise we would be arguing all day with Stewie about whether it was the Argentine Govt’s fault or the pengiuns in South Georgia under British rule what done it.

    lol 😆 😆

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  31. Stuart79: Tell the civil service who won’t get a pay rise for a couple of years you wanted this, tel those who are impoverished due to unemployment you knew it would come to this but you still wanted it and tell the families of those who die in the future due to average health care you knew it would come to this but wanted anyway.

    That’s just more ideological bull****. None of that has anything to do with lockdowns.

    It has all to do with government policy. The government chooses (largely) the cost of labour. The government could alleviate poverty if it chose to do so by providing a basic income. The government chooses the level of unemployment (it’s called the NAIRU). The government chooses to run down your health system (because it wants to privatise it eventually).

    It has more to do with ideology than decisions by medical officers or scientists. That’s not to say the government does this on purpose (though there is plenty of evidence that in some quarters it is very conscious), they, just like you, blindly follow neoliberal prompts. Much of it is the result of an erroneous economic model.

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  32. So, it is Thanksgiving today. The biggest superspreader even ever with 50 million Americans travelling to meet with elderly parents. Trump is actively encouraging this. You Fat orange fck who has been the worst President in the history of this country. I will repeat what I said and Stewie disparaged me for – if you could have got rid of Hitler in 1934, would you have done it? For the sake of the world for humanity? I wish Trump had died of the corona virus. It would have made all of our lives better and have stopped the corrosive Trump-Virus from spreading even more. He is a corrupt, divisive tirant who spreads lies and evil.

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  33. Alright. I will give it a go and try to predict the team for Palace. The only one I am sure about is Darlow and I couldn’t have said that 6 months ago!!! We were so Shyte against Chelsea that there have to be changes, but who? Sean Longstaff was paised by The Chronic but I didnt really see him do anything good. He probably wont be dropped though. Andy Carroll, fck off. He hasnt scored in almost 2 years. Dwight is not fit yet and Wilson is injured.

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  34. Therefore:

    Darlow

    Krafth Lascelles Clark Lewis

    Longstaff Hayden

    Miggy St Max Ritchie

    Joelinton

    Bruce will change the system again because he doesnt know what the fck he is doing.

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  35. I would play anyone from the U23s ahead of Joelinton. Anyone . . . what a demoralising sight this must be for the other players. They all know he can’t play. Hell . . . everyone with eyes can see the bloke is entirely useless.

    RIP Diego.

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  36. Georgio. I am trying to predict the team Brucie WILL pick. not who I would necessarily pick.

    I do agree that a plank of wood, a brick or a used prophylactic would be better as a number 9 than Joe.

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  37. The one good thing to come out of this pandemic is that it highlights just how pathetic our media has got.

    How can you go from questioning the chancellor about lost of jobs in hospitality industry & what support people are getting – to then having a go at him for reducing foreign aid & accusing him of breaking an election promise.

    Who at the time of making that promise could have ever predicted this pandemic?! – as someone who will willingly critique the government and their handling of all of this – to throw that at him is just ridiculous.

    Equally – there is only so much money to go round & there isn’t much of that left either.

    This has nothing to do with racism or nationalism – it has to do with doing the right thing & priorities. Helping those who have paid in & now find themselves needing help.

    To put some perspective on it again – we will still make the 2nd highest contribution of European Countries & make the most donations of vaccines.

    I think the main stream media in this country miss the mark so often they are a total waste of time.

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  38. Totally disagree with you about the media Sharpy.

    It was already pathetic and far right. From when Murdoch bought The Sun in 1969 to The Times in the 90s it only got worse. The Torygraph was always a terrible read and The Daily HateMail was just a pandering to Mary Whitehouse that has now morphed into its own version of The Sun and should be known as the Daily Kardashian. So, no. The media was always bad. And dont talk to me about Sky. Another Murdoch organ.

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  39. Sharpy17: Equally – there is only so much money to go round & there isn’t much of that left either.

    You rail against the media because it is so bad and then you accept without criticism their lies about the economy. The idea that the Bank of England can run out of pounds is like saying the referee in a football match can run out of goals to award. It is just soooo stupid.

    Make up your mind. Is the media worth taking notice of or not?

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  40. Bris, or is it David Eyke?

    Obviously the BoE can’t run out of money. But ask Zimbabwe, The Weimar Republic or Venezuela what happens when you just ask the central bank to print more and more money just to pay for everyday things that the country needs.

    Although I wouldn’t be surprised to see you reply with something like inflation never happened and it was all lies… 😂

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  41. On to football;

    This man is delusional.

    “But we have not played well enough in the last two games against two very good teams – Chelsea, in particular, and a Southampton team who are flying at the minute – so we have to accept the criticism that comes our way, roll our sleeves up and say, ‘We’ve got to be better and hopefully we will be better on Friday night.’

    “The way we played against Wolves, we did OK in the game. We didn’t deserve to get beaten in that one and we drew.

    “We can look at stats. When we got the sack at Aston Villa, it came out that there had only been Man City in that calendar year who had scored more goals than Aston Villa. However, I was perceived to be….style of play, whatever it is.

    “You can do all sorts with statistics. I know one thing: we have not played well enough last couple of games and we have to improve. We certainly have to improve.”

    So Southampton are now a really good side and we’ve only played badly in the last two games.. dear me

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  42. Stu, showing your ignorance of economics again.

    Inflation is caused by the lack of resources, not the printing of money.

    In both examples you give – Weimar and Zimbabwe – it was a resource issue that caused the problem. In Zimbabwe because Mugabe kicked out white farmers and gave the farms to his mates who had no idea how to run the farms, consequently production failed while there was huge demand. Therefore prices rose. The printing of money chased the inflation.

    In Weimar, the French had annexed the most productive part of the German economy and demanded debt payments in Francs. The Germans lost productive capacity and had to deal on the international money market to get Francs to pay their debt. Again, there was demand for goods that the Germans couldn’t provide, and they printed money to try and pay the debt. Once more we see printing money is chasing the inflationary causes.

    Do some research, mate. It beats speaking in empty cliches.

    By the way, printing money doesn’t happen much these days. We have these amazing things called computers and spreadsheets. We just change numbers in the appropriate columns to spend money.

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