Reconnecting emotionally with Newcastle United

There’s been a buzz about Newcastle United since the takeover happened, and even though we’re still without a win and a lot of the football has still been dire, we’ve been reinvigorated as a fanbase.

But I was still surprised to find myself close to tears during both the Palace and Brighton matches.

Why? Because, in both games, we had the chance to nick three points at the end.

With every winless game that goes by, the need to pick up three points becomes more urgent. But prior to Bruce’s sacking, I found myself apathetic and resigned to a draw or a loss in every game. Every single match came with those emotions – or lack thereof – as well as frustration and anger. But never hope.

I have hope again, and it’s a kick in the gut when we don’t sink crucial challenges. When we don’t get that desperately needed first win.

While I was fully in favour of Jones taking over on a caretaker basis, I never expected miracles. I felt more confident that we’d get our first win of the season in those three games than I had in the previous eight, but I knew we wouldn’t turn into world-beaters. But against Brighton and Palace, we turned up in the second half instead of the first. It means we’ve had late chances, and it’s been a kick to the gut when we’ve not sunk them.

I’m not sure I want to see Shelvey in a Newcastle United shirt again for that cowardly free kick when a defender was in goal.

But before he took it, I was on the verge of tears. Could we finally be winning our first game?

It was the same when Wilson was busy in the last 15 minutes of the Palace match too. I vaguely remember a late free kick that had me feeling the exact same way.

The stakes once again feel important. It feels like we have hope and somewhere to go. I’m no longer resigned to terrible football and inviting second-half pressure from the opposition. I feel emotionally reinvigorated. Of course, at the minute, it’s painful to see us squander winning chances.

I’ve written previously about how uninterested I’d become in NUFC, and I wasn’t the only one. There’s a small faction of people on Twitter who’ve told me I’m not a real supporter because I started to feel emotionally detached from the club. People who know me know I’d never give it up – because you can’t give up a passion like this – but I was flat. It just didn’t interest me.

It’s amazing to look forward to matches again. It’s amazing to know that the team and squad won’t be stifled by penny-pinching transfer windows. It’s amazing to have a manager with a vision and credibility once again.

But with that comes heightened emotions on the other end of the scale.

I’ll take them over apathy and anger any day of the week, though.