10 reasons why the grass isn’t always greener.

toonsy

Martins playing for some Russian outfit....
According to national papers we, as Newcastle fans, are enduring the process of losing all of our best players.

Despite only selling one player so far, one website described it as a “mass exodus” which apparently “looks set to continue”. Perhaps you think that the departure of King Kev II, is another example of a player leaving to do great things for another team (e.g. Giussepe Rossi, Jon Dahl Tomasson).

The truth is that many players who left to much rancour amongst the fan base have shown that life after the Gallowgate is not so great. Here are ten players from the last ten years who have given me reason to think that losing the likes of Kevin Nolan shouldn’t be mourned too vehemently.

Hugo Viana – The Portuguese “whizzkid” was supposed to bring skill and technical brilliance to our midfield when Sir Bobby shelled out €12 million to bring him from Sporting Lisbon in 2002. He thoroughly underwhelmed despite being not bad with the ball at his feet.

After two years and 39 appearances we decided to loan him back to Sporting in 2004/05 where he almost matched his record of Newcastle appearances in a season, but Sporting couldn’t be persuaded to take him for £1.5 million and thus he went to Valencia for not very much, if anything at al in fact.

They subsequently found him to be a bit **** and loaned him round the Iberian peninsula until Braga became his current home. Rather amazingly he has been to two World Cups in the same teams as Luis Figo and Cristiano Ronaldo, and has a third place medal, which is more than any England footballer has musterted in the last 40 years!

Jonathan Woodgate – Woody arrived from Leeds for a whopping fee of £9 million smackers. A known racist thug convicted for wailing on some Asian fella (sorry don’t remember the guy’s name or even nationality) with fellow Toon underperformer and future on pitch scrapper Lee Bowyer, he was very much the fore-runner of a certain Mr. Barton.

He was actually brilliant on the pitch. which was not frequently enough, and even less frequently for Real Madrid and Spurs via a reasonably fit run at Middlesbrough. Spurs have released him after paying him extortionate wages for someone who basically lies on a treatment table for most of the season.

Michael Chopra – Chopra was supposed to become the player that Andy Carroll almost did. Often touted as the next Alan Shearer in his youth, his crowning glory was scoring against 5under1and and then missing a sitter for them while later wearing their colours. That feat earned him the nickname “agent Chopra” round these parts. Now plying his trade for annual play-off bottlers Cardiff, he remains, well, ****.

Jermaine Jenas – Many thought his arrival from Nottingham Forest was shrewd business from Uncle Bobby for around £5 million. He flattered to deceive many, and when things were going badly he claimed that being round the Toon was like being in a goldfish bowl. He joined the Spuds and now can be seen warming their bench real good, as he has lots of practice at it. He is probably destined for pastures new in either the lower half of the Premier League or the higher echelons of the Championship. He did bear a striking resemblance to…

Kieron Dyer – And you thought that Woody would be the most injury prone player on the list. Dyer had electrifying pace and no small amount of skill. Many thought career rejuvenation was due at West Sham and that the Toon would rue selling him. Two words come to mind. Dodged and bullet. An expensive, gold-plated bullet at that.

James Milner – Milner looked to have been the one that got away last year as he became an England regular under the tutelage of Martin O’Neill. Unfortunately he’s now gone the way of Gareth Barry. He is currently on massive wages for mediocre football at Man City.

Craig Bellamy – After falling out with Graeme Souness (who was in the Ruud Gullet class of terrible Toon managers) he was shipped off to Celtic on loan. He spent most of his time mouthing off in Glasgea and told one opposition player during a cup match that “he’d be cutting his grass this summer”.

Despite brief but promising spells at West Sham (boy we’ve sold them some ****!) and Blackburn, he is currently in exile from Man City having been fairly average in a league where Marlon Harewood scored goals for fun.

Shay Given – The sale of Shay hurt me. He was a legend at this club and had been regularly touted as the best goalie in the league whilst at Newcastle. That he’s warming the bench of Man City is an atrocity, but is also a warning to Jose Enrique when it comes to thinking that the grass may be greener elsewhere. His appearance on the bench of the FA Cup final however represents the only silverware for anyone on this list apart from…

Obafemi Martins – The Nigerian 54-year-old teen sensation was brought by Glen Roeder who actually had a fairly good record as Toon manager, with no other incumbent having finished higher in the league since his dismissal.

Martins’ was the epitome of Roeder’s side. Massively inconsistent, Ameobi like some may say. He was shipped off to Wolfsburg after relegation, where he couldn’t get a game ahead of Grafite and Edin Dzeko and he’s not even good enough for some Russian team you’ve only heard of because they bought Obafemi (Rubin Kazan).

He was loaned to Birmingham for a 2 minute glory-filled appearance in the League Cup final but has now been shipped back to Russia following their subsequent relegation – his second in as many seasons in England.

Sebastian Bassong – Don’t believe the hype of the Gallowgate is the message of this article. Too late for Seb to learn that now. He can’t even get a game at Spuds despite Ledley King and Woody being in ICU for almost a year. We all thought he was a great loss and we were lumbered with Fabricio Coloccini in the Championship. How things change……

So who have I missed? Who else did the Toon sell that you thought were going to come back to bite us, but turned out to be toothless? I could have added a lot of names to this list myself, but thought it was long winded enough.

Or maybe you think King Kev II will come up trumps for the Irons. Please try and tell me why you think this could happen?

Note from Toonsy: Thanks to Michael82 for submitting this article. I usually despise top ten lists (pet hate of mine) but I have to admit this one makes a cracking point!

About toonsy

A lifelong Newcastle fan and current webmaster of this very 'blog who has the sole aim of creating a place by Newcastle United fans, for Newcastle United fans.

View all posts by toonsy →

You may like these posts

192 thoughts on “10 reasons why the grass isn’t always greener.”

  3. Also, Rubin Kazan beat Barcelona in the Champions League a season or two ago. Isn’t that a major claim to fame for us despite it being nearly 40 years ago now?

    This list seems a little bit rose tinted to me, especially since most wanted Bellamy back to partner Carroll and I am sure most wouldn’t say no to Bassong either. I still wouldn’t object to Martins.

      (Quote)

  4. Theres no way I’d have Martins back at all. Out that list I would have back Bellamy, Bassong only for cover and probably Milner but I don’t even rate him that much.

      (Quote)

  5. you forgot the worst waste of space ever to wear a toon shirt!!!! a certain mr michael owen (aka man yoo bench warmer & medal taker) 👿

      (Quote)

  6. Last season I would have had oba back in January,hell I would have taken anyone. He’s probably better than lovenkrands but meh, we don’t miss him.

    It is funny, the day we sold Nolan I was told confidently by about 5 fans of other clubs that there was a mass exodus of our players about to happen…..Erm…yeah.

      (Quote)

  7. What pedantic gits 😛 cause Cardiff or Ipswich make much difference? he’s hardly progressing as a player.

      (Quote)

  8. Think its a tad hard to say the grass isnt greener to Martins. He had to go so the club could be kept afloat and didnt think he wanted to go.
    Would defo have him back, but not as a high paid player or nr. 9 or anything like that. But would certainly have him back as an exciting alternative to the attack as he brings a certain element of the unexpected, granted he can be inconsistent. Bassong probably had his agent whispering in his ear, his high thoughts of himself, and still he also had to go, as the club got a great offer for him. Again I would have him back, but not at any high price or wage.

      (Quote)

  10. Martins is shocking man. He couldn’t trap a medicine ball. Was awful for Brum, especially against us.

    This is pretty similar to my article the other day. Great minds ;D

      (Quote)

  11. Jobey,

    Chopra is one of the top players in the Championship and played well enough for Cardiff for another promotion chasing team to sign him up. He has hardly vanished off the face of the earth.

    Playing first team for Ipswich is better than being stuck in our reserves. At least that’s the argument used when people want to knock Harper for not leaving anyway.

      (Quote)

  14. For me the only one I would have back is Bellamy, I did like Oba because he was exciting, and I do think Nolan will find the grass isn’t greener but I dont think he will care because he got what he wanted a pension fund though he will try to say it was football reasons but I dont believe that and I do think that the thought of being a bench warmer helped make up his mind. it was interesting to note what Joey said when asked about dropping down a league

    @Joey7BartonJoseph Barton
    @KevinAshford7 why would a drop down a league when I can more than hold my own in the premiership???
    followed by
    @KevinAshford7 what benefit would it give me???? Logically??? None I play this game to play against the best week in week out…..

      (Quote)

  15. Plus Martins played for us when we where in a not particular great periode. First season with Roeder was an injury nightmare.
    Second season with long balls sam.
    Third season relegation season.

      (Quote)

  16. So what we saying here? If we sell Barton and Enrique we won’t miss them?

    I don’t think we replaced any of that list with adequate replacements did we? We might have better players now but we got rid of them players and never replaced them – then we just declined from there and eventually got relegated, well apart from Bassong.

      (Quote)

  19. Jobey,

    Cardiff did that because he had one year left on his contract and had said he would leave this summer if they didn’t go up – last year.

    It’s fairly simple.

      (Quote)

  20. Stuart79
    July 2, 2011 at 17:39

    “So what we saying here?”

    That people who leave often never live up to the hype.

      (Quote)

  21. How about the flipside of the coin? Boumsong left for 2 years to Juventus and 2 further years at Lyon all the while making fairly consistent appearances for France’s national team. He currently plays for Panathinikos. Or how about Aaron Hughes who spent 5 years with us before being sold for a paltry 1mill to Aston Villa. After 2 seasons he was sold to Fuhlam where he has started since 2007 and continues to do so. Rossi was only a loan so I won’t mention him. I have to say though these seem more like the exception to the rule.

      (Quote)

  23. I didn’t put Owen in cos I don’t think any of us really wet upset that he left. Also I have to admit complete ignorance about agent Child’s defection. However the point is still moot as he is ****.

      (Quote)

  24. maybe the real message here is that if one of the three superstar bargins that we have jusy bought graces this list in a few years time don’t be too surprised. Hope it’s not all three. In Carr we trust 😉

      (Quote)

  25. Surely if we stick with a Shola/Martins partnership all season then our two completely unpredictable and flukey strikers will develop an unbeatable partnership ala Shearer and Sutton? ❓ :mrgreen:

      (Quote)

  26. I think we need the best lovenkrands partnership that started against the arsenal in th 4-4 comeback game

      (Quote)

  28. Titus Calamatus Bramble.
    Lowered his standards when he went to Wigan , then hit rock bottom when he moved on from there.

      (Quote)

  29. You forgot “Monday Tuesday!” Our former player of the season and an excellent right back for us, he and Damian Puff decided they wanted to bail out even though Beye swore undying love for the Toon. He ended up unable to get a game in a pretty lousy Villa team. Grass definitely un-green!

      (Quote)

  30. Magpie6699 @ 29 – beye is one of the players I completely lost respect for. puff aswell.

      (Quote)

  31. How can anyone forget BRAMBLE!!!! That pathetic, dumb, always slipping reckless piece of sh*t!!! He went to the scum and how did that 1 go? lol I swear I went out and celebrated when we got rid of that ugly clown.

    There are just too many useless ‘players’ to have been at Newcastle to name them all. Marcelino, Guivarc’h, Charvet, Dumas, the list goes on and on sadly.

    I am really excited for this coming season as we have a young and exciting team now full of promising players with proven quality. We have much less deadwood now than ever before.

    The Future is Bright the Future is Black and White!!!

      (Quote)

  34. Toonsy – Any chance of you using my entire sentence when you quote me to try and make a point? Kind of distorts my point when you only use half of it.

      (Quote)

  35. Axel @ 33 – We sold Emre to Fenerbache, which was a bit controversial seeing as he had played for Galatasaray before. Kinda miss the little fellah. Injury prone but very likeable and skillful not to mention a real engine in the middle.

      (Quote)

  36. Have we had anybody leave us and gave a sustained period of success? Using tge same timeframe as this….. I’m struggling to think of many 😕

      (Quote)

  37. @21

    I cant beleive we sold hughes he was one of our best defenders and he is still one of the most under rated defenders in the league. I used to love him and Gillespie they were one of the reasons i started supporting newcastle being a young N.Irish lad myself 😀

    I would take Given and Milner back out of that list. Milner would be awesome on the right for us. The rest of the players are all sh*te now. People saying they would take Bellamy back realy? Did you guys not see how **** he was at celtic?

      (Quote)

  38. Toonsy – Nzogbia??? Not in terms of winning but he has definately not been bad since we sold him

      (Quote)

  39. It’s not just about being useless. You have to think of players who you thought world be good but turned put **** when they left. Think about the side Gullet dismantled. Girls could have counted though his mediocrity at spurs was enough to avoid the top ten.

      (Quote)

  41. Stuart – If we’re on about distorting points…… Isn’t this much the same thing:

    “So what we saying here? If we sell Barton and Enrique we won’t miss them?”

    I mean Enrique or Barton aren’t mentioned are they? And the nuts of this is about the departure of Nolan and looking back at other players who left for “better” things only to have their fingers burnt.

      (Quote)

  42. @toonsy may have just answerd your question there without nowing it 😀 Aaron Hughes has been superb for fulham captain under murphy.

      (Quote)

  43. Ohh one more Toonsy – I think Nicky **** scored a cracker on his debut for South China

      (Quote)

  45. The Chronicle understands French star Hatem Ben Arfa is keen to wear the No 9. 😯 😯 😯
    i dont know what to think of that

      (Quote)

  46. I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE A MASSIVE ” COME ON HAYE” FOR TONIGHT!!! HARD FIGHT , CANT WAIT TO WATCH IT!!!

      (Quote)

  47. Why the he’ll not give it to benny. He is clearly in charge of our transfer activity so why not make him the talisman

      (Quote)

  52. michael – i dont know if it would be wise yet to giv him it , he might be terrible 4 us 😆

      (Quote)

  53. dave can i ask u a serious question??

    have we signed any1 yet? 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

      (Quote)

  55. I wouldn’t give the number 9 shirt to any of the strikers this season.

    It should be deserved and put up for grabs for the following season.

      (Quote)

  56. 😈 they are meant to be showing the fight in germany 2nyt for free but here the tight b****rds are charging 15pound!!!!!!!!!!!!

      (Quote)

  59. @army

    But klitchko is fighting on his home ground in Germany. That’s why it’s a national event and free.

      (Quote)

  60. Bobby @ 55 well mate surprised when I read your post yesterday about the talk in with KK, I thought you’s would have had some info from it 😕 and when are you telling us more about the names of some people that use the blog ❓ 😉
    Oh I have to agree with you about the No9

      (Quote)

  62. @Big Dave

    There was no craic to give cos KK never gave any.

    The only question he answered was about abolishing the reserves. He stated he still didn’t regret it because it’s not the reserves where the future stars come from. He believed the youth set up is more important and the reserves are just a means for crocked first teamers to get their fitness back.
    I totally disagree because surely the youth players use the reserve team as a stepping stone.

      (Quote)

  64. @big Dave

    I won’t disclose wraiths pseudonym.

    But I had an interesting chat with him. When the right thread comes up I will post what he said.

    He may also but you won’t know., 😛

      (Quote)

  66. @premandup

    You’ve been hovering between my reality train and the platform all night but o think you’ve just bought a ticket.

    Stand clear of the doors. 😆

      (Quote)

  67. @Dave no?

    Anyone on here got any money on the fight?

    I got £30 on haye win knockout in the 4th 22/1 so come on haye knock this c**t out 😆

      (Quote)

  68. Bobby I agree with you its ok the younguns playing in their own leagues but in the reserves I think they tend to play with and against senior players trying to get match fit, so its a bit like a halfway between kids and the seniors.
    I’m sure you were left a bit disappointed 😕

      (Quote)

  70. @santii

    Klitchko has a massive advantage fighting in his own country Germany. Do you agree?

      (Quote)

  71. @big Dave

    Go on, I’m interested to see who you think?

      (Quote)

  72. Yeah a massive advantage but i still think its going to be a very good fight, well the best the heavyweight division has seen in a wile 😉

    I still think he shuld beat Wladimir and if he gets to fight Vitaly it will be a far better fight.

      (Quote)

  74. @santii

    I don’t want to see a german winning the world heavy weight title.

      (Quote)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *