Titus is a Japanese Terrier type thing, called a Shiba Inu, and can best be described as not playing with a full deck, or a sausage short of a BBQ. In a more modern parlance you might say a Swan Vesta short of a riot. Of course I must stress that we didn’t know of his intellectual deficiency when we named him. I just wanted to stress that in case Titus Bramble’s lawyer is reading this.
In our old house Titus would run up three flights of stairs, turn around at the top then come tearing down them like someone had rubbed Ralgex on his little ginger sphincter, and then SPLAT! He’d hit the wall at the bottom of the stairs at Warp Factor 5.
All of our floors were tiled so you could hear this little canine Riverdance unravelling. An event referred to in our house as “Clickety Clickety Thud!”
The thing that concerned us however was that he would do this five or six times in quick succession, and after each thud he would lie there dazed for a while, before getting to his feet and heading back up the stairs again.
He only stopped when he was either too tired, or too dazed to walk back up the stairs.
Wasn’t it Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results?
It’s a bit like us with the transfer window. Here we are sitting waiting for the biggie. Waiting for today’s equivalent of another Alan Shearer or Michael Owen to be unveiled.
Remember how happy we were then? Isn’t it a shame we don’t mention them both in the same breath any more?
And guess what? Clickety Clickety Thud! Here we are again, surprised, not so much by hitting the wall at the bottom of the stairs, but more by the fact that it hurts.
No big spending. No big stars. Yet.
And we shouldn’t really be surprised, because while other managers are heading off to Harrods looking for talent with a bag full of crisp new fiftys, Ashley is sending Pardew shopping with an Argos card and a discount voucher.
I’m sure by now we all appreciate the requirement for this frugality. Not because it has been explained to us, but more because we’ve figured it out ourselves. Even maybe been through it ourselves.
As a youngster I had a mortgage, a Car Loan, a Bike Loan, Credit Cards, Store Cards, Bank Loan and an Overdraft. I was in debt up to the eyeballs, but jeez, was it fun. OK there was nothing in the bank at the end of the month, but back then that didn’t seem to matter .
Now that I’m a little older (it’s all relative) the mortgage and the car are paid off, any use of the credit cards and the overdraft is settled before the interest kicks in, and I seem to have a lot more money available. Yes, of course I’m older and earning a bit more, but not throwing money down the ******* every month in interest payments is the difference between just getting by and being comfortable.
And I’m sure it comes as no surprise to hear this didn’t happen overnight, but enough of the less than subtle lecture about money management, and how it will make us a better club.
There was a time, not so long ago when we expected, and even deserved, so much more during the transfer window. So why is it that we can no longer attract those considered “La crème de la crème”, and more often than not end up with from the “clotted cream” end of the dairy range?
Obviously there are a number of contributing factors at play here, not least of which has to be lack of “available” funds. I can already see the comments coming in about that one. By way of establishing a simple definition I’d say, if Ashley wants to spend it, then it’s “available”.
Could it be that we are not “big” enough? Well we already covered that in a previous article.
Another factor to be considered has to be the three stooges – Curly, Larry and Mo. That dynamic trio of Ashley, Llambias and Pardew. There was a time when great players were lining up to work under the likes of Robson, Dalglish and Keegan. Ok Kenny may not have produced the goods but he was still a legend. “Pardew Kinnear and Roeder” just doesn’t have the same ring.
I’m not having a dig at Pardew here, I actually think he’s doing a decent job within the constraints of his remit, but he’s certainly nowhere near being the draw that Keegan et al were, and his case is not being bolstered by those above him with what many of the fans perceive to be their “screw the fans” attitude.
If the personality and track record of your manager were going to be deciding factors then I would say Pardew possibly just has the edge over Roeder and Kinnear with only Wolves’ Mick McCarthy being a lesser “Motivator”. That leaves an awful lot of others above.
So what else hinders our progress? Lack of perceived ambition perhaps?
I say perceived because behind closed doors we may have a master plan comparable with that of Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein combined, but nobody knows about it because nobody is telling us.
I can’t help thinking that Hitler might have made a great Football Manager. With him it was all attack, attack, attack, and he was in Europe five years in a row, before finally being eliminated in the group phase in 1945.
Let’s not confuse ambition with success here. Hitler was ambitious, just not successful.
Maybe it’s the Language. A lot of foreigners (Spanish, French Welsh, etc) have enough trouble getting to grips with English, but having to then master Geordie on top is, let’s be honest, beyond a lot of footballers.
From my own point of view I would suspect that the biggest hurdle when it comes to attracting quality players has to be location.
St James Park – the Hallowed Turf – that Geordie Fortress, is almost in bloody Scotland!
Most foreigners (and a lot of Southerners too) think that Mel Gibson still carries out raids during weekends and bank holidays, and we surely have to be within range of his marauding, blue faced, kilt wearing, willy waving hordes.
And the local derbies? In London you get Arsenal, Chelsea and Spurs. In Manchester at least you get United or City. How about Liverpool or Everton?
If you come and play for Newcastle you get to go to visit the Mackems or the Smoggies. Or on a bad year, both.
Difficult to figure out why they are not all tearing up the M1 as we speak.
If that’s not bad enough we are actually further away from London than Sunderland. I mean, while going past Sunderland has always seemed to me to be one of the better things to do with it, it has to be a bit of a bizarre concept if you are coming from the south. A bit like going “to Hell and beyond!”
There was a rather comical article published a couple of years ago that suggested that many of the WAGs actually limit their other halves’ options when it comes to transfers by telling them where they might, and definitely will not, consider moving to. In this modern world of equality, feminism and wimpy footballers I would never even dare suggest that there is anything wrong with that.
But be honest, if after a hard 90 minutes, for which you’ve just earned 50 thousand quid, you can’t pop into Nobu or Cecconi’s after a game and “be seen” with the other A-List stars, then what‘s point of it all?
This probably explains our enthusiasm for signing youngsters. Get them up here and acclimatised before they get a taste for the clubs and restaurants.
So if you can get past all that what about the weather?
The first three times I took my beloved (sorry , that’s the missus, to most of you) to Scotland it was snowing. But there again, it was probably my own fault for having the audacity to go in the middle of August.
The North East is generally considered to be a good few degrees cooler than the South West, making it less desirable to those southern continentals and SSSs .
I use the word “cooler” because it makes it sound like we are comparing the Maldives to the Canaries, when in actual fact Finland to Siberia would probably be more accurate.
As we’re talking the difference between breaking into a sweat and losing body parts to frostbite, maybe “colder” would have been a better word.
Taking all the above into consideration isn’t it a bloody miracle that we ever manage to persuade anyone to join us at all?
No, not really. We have, and can fill, a 50,000 seater stadium almost every other weekend with screaming fanatical Geordies who live and breathe the Black and White, so unless you are fortunate enough to be being chased by either Man U or Arsenal, nothing else compares.
Right. You’ve convinced me, Toonsy. I’ll sign.
Fans Should Own The Club(Quote)
aye me too 😀 😀
icedog(Quote)
Toonsy, while we have the current owners think we don’t have much chance with anybody really. Yes Robson, Keegan and even Dalglish could attract players, even con them into coming like K did with Rob Lee, but Pardew can’t be that bad either, remeber he had Tevez at West Ham. But while we have Ashley and Co, think that will be the main problem for getting good new and in the words of Joey, Decent players in. These days, players don’t care that much about playing every week in front of big crowds and fans that love them, they come for the cash.
Simon(Quote)
Hmmm, toonsy has been telling porkies 😉
jay jay(Quote)
I’m all in! Sod the south.
Paul in Hollywood(Quote)
funny article.. i think we have to maybe stop saying we fill our stadium cos we are loosing people all the time… yesterday was 46k+ for the prem opener against none other than arsenal! we are a long way away from capacity these days alas.
craig chisholm(Quote)
i agree with your description of ashley liambias .pardew as the three stooges from selling carroll then nolan ,enrigue the delay in signing replacements the tour of america just shows the imcompetence we are stuck with no left back and short of a good striker.giving shola another contract shows our aspirations.all we are left with is the prospect is bendtner surely after 6 monthe of scouting surely we can get someone better
robert naylor(Quote)
I think I might be tempted to debate the bit about Pardew “getting” Tevez.
Story at the time was that his and Mascherano’s agents went through the premier league trying to find a buyer with a number rejecting because of contractual issues and this “ownership” issue.
Think they might have gone through the leaglue alphabetically 😆
Archie Brand(Quote)
The only way we will ever sign a world class striker is to sign two. No world class striker is going to come to St. James’ in the knowledge that his striking partner will be Shola.
What I really want to know , is what does he have on someone connected with the club throughout the last ten years? Only one manager has tried to get rid of him in that time and he was pushed/constructivelt dismissed.
MA(Quote)
Quiet day. De Gea looked bad on the West Brom goal. Slow start for the entire division. Enjoyed the articlebut Toonsy surely you had a pet chimp named Derek at one time or another? I would think a turnout under 47,000 for Arsenal would worry Ashley. God do we ever need a striker. It’s worse than desperate now. Is Ba going to work out? Just not sure.
GeordieTwo(Quote)
@Craig
I touched on the crowd issue last night and I still believe that if things don’t improve on the pitch within a couple of seasons we will be hovering around sub 40k.
The one and only thing that makes us attractive and considered by some as a big club is our crowds.
I appreciate the first game was in the summer holiday period but even so, to play Arsenal on the first day of the season and only get 43k home fans, is or should be a wake up call to the regime.
It won’t make a hapeth bit of difference tho I’m sure. 😕
Troy Stavers(Quote)
Just got home from a walk in the local park, I met a young Nufc fan on his way home from the Beer Off, with his packs of ale,he had his Nufc top on,so we got talking about yesterdays game, like me he was happy with a point.
Nice to see a Toon fan in Nottingham-shire. 🙂
Toonale(Quote)
I don’t believe for one second we will get a striker. Looking at the game yesterday we need 2!
A quality striker is realistically going to cost IRO
£10m+ and a big wage.
Im lost as to why many still believe we will sign one. 😕
It has already been established that the policy is one in, one out.
The only way we will get a striker is if Best is sold. For me, he is our Best striker and he is still very raw.
😕
Troy Stavers(Quote)
As much as we hate manure its better for us that they win as WBA are in our mini league
Toby le Rhone(Quote)
lol funny story about the dog, good article shame u asked a question already been discussed at length, I thought most of us were older than 14? so we understand Pards and Co and are already onboard 😉
big signings= cost too much – higher wages – they have ambition, so why would they come here..
+ the attendance is getting smaller
mark(Quote)
Would MU let Berbatov go? Wasn’t he a fan of NUFC back in the day?
Fans Should Own The Club(Quote)
Toonale – I live in Nottingham
Jobey07(Quote)
Available spending money is the problem for the crowd. Also factor it is in the middle of the busiest holiday months. Although not cheap at the Toon it is compared to other clubs. I believe the cheapest ticket at QPR is £46 and Levy was prepared to write to Tottenham fans asking them if they would be prepared to pay £70 a ticket to help swell their transfer coffers
Toby le Rhone(Quote)
Buy any player for ten million and his agent will demand 80 grand plus a week. That blows our wage structure right oot the water
Toby le Rhone(Quote)
FSOTC: I was thinking that, he is a NUFC supporter. Man U would want a lot of money though
Zoë Vicarage(Quote)
@fsotc
They could give Berby away wrapped in a bow but we couldn’t afford the wages.
I’m not attacking you, but do you consider that before you post?
Troy Stavers(Quote)
+ a lot of ppl in the NorthEast have lost jobs in the last year, this + lack of ambition from our chiefs might have put people off.
Remember under Shepherd we had a waiting list for season tickets, this has slowly dwindled whilst the population of the toon has increased.
mark(Quote)
Why are people going to pay their hard-earned cash to watch a team that is 35M light in talent?
It’s like paying top dollar to see a West-End show and a local amateur dramatics group are on stage belting out “Mama Mia”.
It’s time they treated their customers with respect.
Who’s going to pay 35 quid to see Strolla wandering around not even trying?
geoff777(Quote)
Just keeping track of Ameobi stats again. 243 league appearances and 48 goals. Let me see, that is just over 4 goals per season. Thank god we signed him up for another 2 years. That should be another 8.5 goals or so and with the 4.5 goals he scores this season that is 13 in 3 more years. Throw a couple of our usual cup runs in and that should be 14 goals. Now I see how much ambition the owner has. Who is the cheapest striker left on the market? Probably Rodallega so we must definitely be in for him. Actually 22 goals in 89 appearances for Wigan is a step up from Shola but a no. 9? I don’t thinks so.
GeordieTwo(Quote)
Anybody got any idea what the financial impact is of 48 thousand instead of 53?
Archie Brand(Quote)
No, I didn’t think of that, really Troy.
I’m not attacking you, but, that’s kind of an ******* way to write. Do you consider that before you post?
Mind, I’m not attacking you.
Fans Should Own The Club(Quote)
Geordietwo – knowing our bloody luck he’ll score them all in the same game….
Archie Brand(Quote)
@GeordieTwo Aye Shola’s not good enough, plain and simple…but hasn’t he scored 70 not 48?
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
@Archie 5000 x 35 = 175K
Plus lost shop sales, less programmes, food & drink concessions looking to pay less rent next season.
Less people seeing the Sports Direct signs all over the ground – How much do we get paid for them?
geoff777(Quote)
So buying a CF for 10 mill will cost with wages and agents about 35 mill. Is 35 mill a good price for Englands centre forward ??. and can you buy him for 10 mill. ?
B1GSTEVE(Quote)
Joey on 606
Toby le Rhone(Quote)
If Sammy scores we’re on the pitch …
If Shola plays we’re going home.
geoff777(Quote)
why didnt we show any interest in Long. He played well 2day and is always moving. perhaps 3mill too much..
mark(Quote)
Troy – I’m one of the many who still think we will bring in a striker.
Think you got that one wrong mate.
It might not be a good one – but we’ll bring one in.
Archie Brand(Quote)
aye Craig, a lot of empty seats yesterday 😕
Moreno(Quote)
Saylor isn’t too bright according to Joey. Jokingly
Toby le Rhone(Quote)
@Toby le Rhone
well considering Taylor thinks a hand is an elbow, joeys probably right
mark(Quote)
Archie….
Based on an Average ticket price of about £40 (including a lot of home deliveries at a pound expense taken into account.
£200,000
If everyone was to buy a cheeseburger and drink at £7
£35,000
And for everyone who didn’t buy a cheeseburger…there was a program sold. Some blokes had 4 pints too.
So in essence…..for 5000 less fans, it’s a fair whack
Moreno(Quote)
joey Barton is on 5live 606
mark(Quote)
I thought he was practising Nolans Chicken Celebration…..
Archie Brand(Quote)
Was at the game yesterday and there is a lot of potential there. There shouldn’t be any doom and gloom about this 35 million not being spent directly on transfers, gotta just move on, because the club basically has with some good buys and I am sure a couple more will still be added.
Yep, we could do with another central defender as back up, but with a new left back and striker we can take our chances with this squad.
I think Pardew is right, this team and squad could well develop nicely. Great midfield, with options, pretty decent defence and keeper, we only need one striker as we should play 4-5-1, and Best should be ahead of Ba et al.
Long and short, we have a better squad than last year, with some of the younger lads almost ready to come through. Plus, a few exciting players in Cabaye, Ben Arfa, Marveaux, Obertan, a new striker and Barton!! 😆
I head home to China this week, wish I was going to be there for more matches as St.James’ this season, as I reckon this team is going to surprise a few. Exciting times.
Lionel Speed(Quote)
Moreno were you in the ground for a while after the game joey B was on about something that came over the tanoy ??? do you know what it was
Big Dave(Quote)
if we are getting 46K against **** on curtain raiser then what we going to get against on cold winter night?? mid 30’s perhaps…. take note ashley. you might be able to control all things newcastle united and not give a toss about any of your staff or players or even geordie public but the one thing you do cherish is the greenback…its going to prove to be a two sided coin you will find fatty. if you wont push the boat out and want please the fans (when this is an entertainment industry).. you will find that no-one will go that extra distance for you, pull that bit of overtime, buy cheaper food at shops, pull belts in.. to buy a ticket. you will reap what you sow.
craig chisholm(Quote)
Joey put his stance over well. 606 managed to find two lunatics who weren’t out looting.
The arsenal fans yesterday must have had their voices stolen by the looters.
What a miserable bunch
Toby le Rhone(Quote)
Anyone else just hear Barton on 5live?!
He is fairly sensible and talks well but why is he ringing phone in shows!? NO other player from any other club would do that!
Surely if he cant post on twitter about footy then he cant ring in 5live?!
ToonTom(Quote)
Craig Chisholm,
I reckon there is a lot of potential entertainment in this team. See names mentioned above plus a few youngsters. We are building like a decent football club for a change.
It is not all about spending shed loads and getting straight in the Champions league. This team should be better and hungrier than any recent Newcastle teams, and we can build on next year and the year after. That is real football, we might not like whose doing it and how he’s got here, but this is potentially exciting team.
It is time to fill that stadium and support what could be a good little side.
Ps. From what we’ve got at the moment Best should definitely start.
Lionel Speed(Quote)
Toby I agree he sounded very good and dealt well, esp with the angry one! But why was he one there? Keep your head down!
The coverage has mostly been a joke! Read some of the rag red tops today, made it sound like Gervinho was a victim of evil Barton!
ToonTom(Quote)
Big Dave,
The Smiths – This Charming Man
Moreno(Quote)
Toontom because Robbie savage asked him to come on and put his siade across after what all happened. and your wrong loads of other players have been on but dont let that get in the way of your rant 😆
Big Dave(Quote)
Gervinho is a khunt
funkyjesus(Quote)
Moreno 😆 is that what it was 😀 . did you hear the 606 phone in
Big Dave(Quote)
Big Dave. Are there lots of current, serious players-not Roberts or Savage-who have been in a lot of trouble going on?
I dont listen all the time so I have no trouble being wrong, but cant imagine Fergy letting a player do that is my point. It just doesnt seem the most sensible thing to do.
Cheers for letting me rant, appreciate it!
ToonTom(Quote)
Dave, nah unfortunately not, got half an eye on the Wok for the bairns tea, quarter of an eye on the bairns and a quarter on here! Multi tasking me tits off.
Moreno(Quote)
that last bloke liverpool fan my **** ,joey i see you have lost your accent 😆
batty(Quote)
http://www.footylatest.com/newcastle-emerge-as-new-favourites-to-sign-nicklas-bendtner/23395
Army69(Quote)
Toontom Ferdy was on it last year ❓ so maybe fergie didn’t know 😀
Batty are you still listening to the 606 mate 😆 its pure class and Sav is good on it even if it hurts to admit it 😆
Big Dave(Quote)
Shola = Waste.
shears then(Quote)
Army: interesting article but if the rumour is true we need to find a foreign source
Zoë Vicarage(Quote)
Reet .. back from holidays .. thought yd was fine .. wud take 1 point off the dirty gooners any day of the weeks/season/year … these lot could have easily have spanked us …. got away with raylor at lb who is gash + tiote was nacked from partying back home .. cabaye thought was all a bit too fast compared with lording it in the south of france and shola was shola as per usual .. ba will be fine needs a few more games and joseph was too smart for wengers high achievers … all in all sweet as start, if we take 3 points from the mackems we will be flying .. pleased to see bobbbys b**locks bus has had a puncture – if he was genuine wudnt mind his endless spiel .. expect some spurious non applicable comment in response.
TOONPIPES(Quote)
BigDave .. think it funny that bartoon goes on the radio and vents . . fair play to him .. he takes a lot of stick and so far he has managed to stay in control when stickin up for himsel .. i’d say hes quite smart and likes a wind up .. sing up joey and let weh gan
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Surely the Bendtner article is a day or 2 old as it says “todays chronicle”…there is no chronicle today 😉
Zoe…Currywurst is a good foreign sauce 😉
richietoon(Quote)
Vindaloo’s another good foreign sauce. I like soy sauce too.
I’ll shut up now.
Fans Should Own The Club(Quote)
very funny 😆
Zoë Vicarage(Quote)
Cannot really blame people for not going. If money is tight for many people the last thing their going to do is spend £35 on a ticket, especially when they don’t see the club moving forward and investing like many think they should.
Stuart79(Quote)
Posted this on the last thread, after my ‘un-official’ nufcblog.co.uk match report.
One of many funny things I saw out and about in the town, thought I’d share it…
“Must say, I have given Pardew a clean slate as of yesterday. decided on the Metro whilst lstening to a couple of meatheads critisize him.”
——–> talking of these guys…they were all huge, one of them had both his ankles chained to a weight he was carrying and decked it right in the middle of Haymarket. Anyway….one of the lads (who sounded like he was from Shields) admitted to being a Man utd fan.
The lads were like…”eh why the f*ck do you follow them”
“Because me da was so he made uz follow them”
Then one of the blokes says “So explain this to me…….how can you have been born, when your Da’s a f*cking Gay?”
Moreno(Quote)
Stuart – fair point to start .. but your last quip nearly a broken record inc .. aint it? .. we are investing after all
TOONPIPES(Quote)
TP I think Joey done well and I do know he isn’t thick like most people think footballers are, he is a smart cookie 😉
Richie have you been at the sherbet dips again 😆
FSOTC I like fish sauce 😆
Big Dave(Quote)
Moreno 😆 😆 I’m glad your giving Pards a chance mate as from what I can work out he has both hands tied behind his back, I loved the way he backed Joey on MOTD
Big Dave(Quote)
Dave i think he is clever but sometimes has times when he acts stupidly
Zoë Vicarage(Quote)
TOONPIPES says:
August 14, 2011 at 19:19
Stuart – fair point to start .. but your last quip nearly a broken record inc .. aint it? .. we are investing after all
Really? Last time I looked we were about £30m in the black on transfer dealings since January. Could just be me and my maths though. I stand corrected if you can put me right.
Stuart79(Quote)
Zoe all men act stupidly at times 😆 its just in our genes 😀
Big Dave(Quote)
Dave: haha that’s true 😆
Zoë Vicarage(Quote)
Stuart, it is an argument which has been widely debated, isnt it worth moving on + supporting the team? ……. or rather give further ammunition for players to use as reason/shield for leaving?
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Dimpleboy @ 28 no Shola has 48 in the league, it’s somewhere around 70 in all competitions. I am now hearing we have had another large expenditure. Pardew has gone out and bought an entire year’s supply of monkey chow for Derek. Subtract that from the striker budget. Pardew loves to see a happy, healthy Derek after he’s been groomed.
GeordieTwo(Quote)
@fsotc
I had to put that remark in as I get accused of attacking people all the time and the reason I killed off bobby shinton. I ask a question or disagree with people and they take it personally.
@toonpipes
Stu makes a good point which needs making no matter how many times and you just ask him to move on.
You can’t keep ignoring important issues and just talk about the nice things. 😕
Troy Stavers(Quote)