Titus is a Japanese Terrier type thing, called a Shiba Inu, and can best be described as not playing with a full deck, or a sausage short of a BBQ. In a more modern parlance you might say a Swan Vesta short of a riot. Of course I must stress that we didn’t know of his intellectual deficiency when we named him. I just wanted to stress that in case Titus Bramble’s lawyer is reading this.
In our old house Titus would run up three flights of stairs, turn around at the top then come tearing down them like someone had rubbed Ralgex on his little ginger sphincter, and then SPLAT! He’d hit the wall at the bottom of the stairs at Warp Factor 5.
All of our floors were tiled so you could hear this little canine Riverdance unravelling. An event referred to in our house as “Clickety Clickety Thud!”
The thing that concerned us however was that he would do this five or six times in quick succession, and after each thud he would lie there dazed for a while, before getting to his feet and heading back up the stairs again.
He only stopped when he was either too tired, or too dazed to walk back up the stairs.
Wasn’t it Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results?
It’s a bit like us with the transfer window. Here we are sitting waiting for the biggie. Waiting for today’s equivalent of another Alan Shearer or Michael Owen to be unveiled.
Remember how happy we were then? Isn’t it a shame we don’t mention them both in the same breath any more?
And guess what? Clickety Clickety Thud! Here we are again, surprised, not so much by hitting the wall at the bottom of the stairs, but more by the fact that it hurts.
No big spending. No big stars. Yet.
And we shouldn’t really be surprised, because while other managers are heading off to Harrods looking for talent with a bag full of crisp new fiftys, Ashley is sending Pardew shopping with an Argos card and a discount voucher.
I’m sure by now we all appreciate the requirement for this frugality. Not because it has been explained to us, but more because we’ve figured it out ourselves. Even maybe been through it ourselves.
As a youngster I had a mortgage, a Car Loan, a Bike Loan, Credit Cards, Store Cards, Bank Loan and an Overdraft. I was in debt up to the eyeballs, but jeez, was it fun. OK there was nothing in the bank at the end of the month, but back then that didn’t seem to matter .
Now that I’m a little older (it’s all relative) the mortgage and the car are paid off, any use of the credit cards and the overdraft is settled before the interest kicks in, and I seem to have a lot more money available. Yes, of course I’m older and earning a bit more, but not throwing money down the ******* every month in interest payments is the difference between just getting by and being comfortable.
And I’m sure it comes as no surprise to hear this didn’t happen overnight, but enough of the less than subtle lecture about money management, and how it will make us a better club.
There was a time, not so long ago when we expected, and even deserved, so much more during the transfer window. So why is it that we can no longer attract those considered “La crème de la crème”, and more often than not end up with from the “clotted cream” end of the dairy range?
Obviously there are a number of contributing factors at play here, not least of which has to be lack of “available” funds. I can already see the comments coming in about that one. By way of establishing a simple definition I’d say, if Ashley wants to spend it, then it’s “available”.
Could it be that we are not “big” enough? Well we already covered that in a previous article.
Another factor to be considered has to be the three stooges – Curly, Larry and Mo. That dynamic trio of Ashley, Llambias and Pardew. There was a time when great players were lining up to work under the likes of Robson, Dalglish and Keegan. Ok Kenny may not have produced the goods but he was still a legend. “Pardew Kinnear and Roeder” just doesn’t have the same ring.
I’m not having a dig at Pardew here, I actually think he’s doing a decent job within the constraints of his remit, but he’s certainly nowhere near being the draw that Keegan et al were, and his case is not being bolstered by those above him with what many of the fans perceive to be their “screw the fans” attitude.
If the personality and track record of your manager were going to be deciding factors then I would say Pardew possibly just has the edge over Roeder and Kinnear with only Wolves’ Mick McCarthy being a lesser “Motivator”. That leaves an awful lot of others above.
So what else hinders our progress? Lack of perceived ambition perhaps?
I say perceived because behind closed doors we may have a master plan comparable with that of Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein combined, but nobody knows about it because nobody is telling us.
I can’t help thinking that Hitler might have made a great Football Manager. With him it was all attack, attack, attack, and he was in Europe five years in a row, before finally being eliminated in the group phase in 1945.
Let’s not confuse ambition with success here. Hitler was ambitious, just not successful.
Maybe it’s the Language. A lot of foreigners (Spanish, French Welsh, etc) have enough trouble getting to grips with English, but having to then master Geordie on top is, let’s be honest, beyond a lot of footballers.
From my own point of view I would suspect that the biggest hurdle when it comes to attracting quality players has to be location.
St James Park – the Hallowed Turf – that Geordie Fortress, is almost in bloody Scotland!
Most foreigners (and a lot of Southerners too) think that Mel Gibson still carries out raids during weekends and bank holidays, and we surely have to be within range of his marauding, blue faced, kilt wearing, willy waving hordes.
And the local derbies? In London you get Arsenal, Chelsea and Spurs. In Manchester at least you get United or City. How about Liverpool or Everton?
If you come and play for Newcastle you get to go to visit the Mackems or the Smoggies. Or on a bad year, both.
Difficult to figure out why they are not all tearing up the M1 as we speak.
If that’s not bad enough we are actually further away from London than Sunderland. I mean, while going past Sunderland has always seemed to me to be one of the better things to do with it, it has to be a bit of a bizarre concept if you are coming from the south. A bit like going “to Hell and beyond!”
There was a rather comical article published a couple of years ago that suggested that many of the WAGs actually limit their other halves’ options when it comes to transfers by telling them where they might, and definitely will not, consider moving to. In this modern world of equality, feminism and wimpy footballers I would never even dare suggest that there is anything wrong with that.
But be honest, if after a hard 90 minutes, for which you’ve just earned 50 thousand quid, you can’t pop into Nobu or Cecconi’s after a game and “be seen” with the other A-List stars, then what‘s point of it all?
This probably explains our enthusiasm for signing youngsters. Get them up here and acclimatised before they get a taste for the clubs and restaurants.
So if you can get past all that what about the weather?
The first three times I took my beloved (sorry , that’s the missus, to most of you) to Scotland it was snowing. But there again, it was probably my own fault for having the audacity to go in the middle of August.
The North East is generally considered to be a good few degrees cooler than the South West, making it less desirable to those southern continentals and SSSs .
I use the word “cooler” because it makes it sound like we are comparing the Maldives to the Canaries, when in actual fact Finland to Siberia would probably be more accurate.
As we’re talking the difference between breaking into a sweat and losing body parts to frostbite, maybe “colder” would have been a better word.
Taking all the above into consideration isn’t it a bloody miracle that we ever manage to persuade anyone to join us at all?
No, not really. We have, and can fill, a 50,000 seater stadium almost every other weekend with screaming fanatical Geordies who live and breathe the Black and White, so unless you are fortunate enough to be being chased by either Man U or Arsenal, nothing else compares.
Troy, you off the Tak and cowies? 😥
Moreno(Quote)
Toonsy we never had a Noobu but we did get a Nobby (complete with trumpet)
Tommy Gibb(Quote)
Gotcha troy/bobbs! .. hows it gan wee man .. good holiday 🙂
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Right lads I’m starting the official “Let’s be as positive as possible, but at the same time criticise Ashley and his apologists for all his shortcomings, while still supporting the players 100% but when people start to celebrate about unproven signings too much then they must be put right, as should all those that blame Shola for everything including immigration and global warming” Train 😆 Anyone wanna join?
Terms and Conditions:
1. Anyone that abuses and boos their own players during a match is refused entry.
2. Anyone that thinks Ashley is “A decent lad this was misunderstood…” will be handed over to the local authorities.
3. Applicants will be given priority if they make an effort to improve the atmosphere during the game.
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
Just read a great quote about Andy Carroll: “sprinkling 35M pounds on a turd does not make it any better for you.” 😆
GeordieTwo(Quote)
Aye but Troy, surely the idea is that we support the team and get behind them no matter what – right? … otherwise we are exercising a democratic right not to support – which is wrong – cos we support the team no matter what – its not a matter of choice, its wor team ………….. otherwise, would make us just like a player? ……. or wud you rather just continue to berate the whole operation
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Would we have the turd back for about 5M pounds? I say yes damnit let’s take the chance!
GeordieTwo(Quote)
Gan on dimpleboy yee radicalist … you’ve got more political dispositions that the English government
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Off topic just been reading one of the Bindippa forums and quite a bit of disquiet from them on what they bought for £35m – if it was £10-15m it would have been more realistic. Not too happy at lack of Judas’s lack of pace, the team changing their style of play to hoofball yada yada etc.Some even questioning the wisdom of King Kenny’s purchases over the summer – they wos robbed, which makes a change from the scousers robbing everyone else. Well let him weave his ‘magic’ like he did on us when he dismantled the great KK’s entertainers.
Geordie Deb(Quote)
Geordie Deb .. and they’d be right .. cazza mugged himself and the bindippers going there .. he wud have been better off stoppin with us … hes not really a typical liverpoop player my opinion ..
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Geordie Deb that was music to my ears 😆 . I have heard a few of their fans question if what Carroll brings to the team is what they want and the over-riding opinion was NO 😀
Big Dave(Quote)
Brother Troy, just be sensible, man.
You wrote:
“They could give Berby away wrapped in a bow but we couldn’t afford the wages.
I’m not attacking you, but do you consider that before you post?”
Nothing wrong with the first part. Leave off the insulting, assholey question and you’ve got a perfectly fine conversational post. Tag on the question, even with the “I’m not attacking you” disclaimer and you’ve got provocation.
Fans Should Own The Club(Quote)
Jesus H. Christ….
Is that an insult 😯
FSOTC, no offence mate (and of course I mean one or I wouldn’t have said ‘no offence’) – Grow a set of balls man!
Moreno(Quote)
@ Fans should own the club … what you will find is that brother troy (aka bobby shinton) is not really interested in sensible discussion .. rather wind up …
TOONPIPES(Quote)
My ****** hurts from Troy’s hurtful words!
Fans Should Own The Club(Quote)
Moreno .. last i read you had yor eyes on stir fry / kids / computer .. things a little less hectic now? …. tek from your pic you fan of shola? wud be very amusing to see shola and sammy on same time – and score!
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Toonpipes…
Sorry mate, tha’s where you are wrong.
Bobby/Troy enjoys the banter and debate more than the vast majority on here.
Fact is, there is a line which sometimes during a debate he has been known to cross (veering off topic completely with paragraphs of psycho-analysis on the other blogger 🙄 😆 )
But comments like that have an opinion on football matters is a different ball game and I don’t like seeing a ‘witch-hunt’ where he gets shot down in flames for every little thing.
Surely you can take a bit of banter coming your way in amongst all the debate?
Moreno(Quote)
Toonpipes.
Was loving King Shola Day. Big fan of Shola as an entity, not really as a footballer (most of the time 😆 )
Moreno(Quote)
Ah well my:
Right lads I’m starting the official “Let’s be as positive as possible, but at the same time criticise Ashley and his apologists for all his shortcomings, while still supporting the players 100% but when people start to celebrate about unproven signings too much then they must be put right, as should all those that blame Shola for everything including immigration and global warming” Train Anyone wanna join?
Terms and Conditions:
1. Anyone that abuses and boos their own players during a match is refused entry.
2. Anyone that thinks Ashley is “A decent lad this was misunderstood…” will be handed over to the local authorities.
3. Applicants will be given priority if they make an effort to improve the atmosphere during the game.
Now has two members
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
Moreno, didnt you shoot old Fans Should Own the club down in flames? …… Do agree with you about Shola – i do get on his case a bit, but try not to shout out loud, but he is an institution – and he usually gets a goal against the mackems so we need him on good form for next weekend cooooome on
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Yeah Toonpipes….
Re: FSOTC – yeah maybe I did, just seemed a bit like grassing someone up to the teacher at school tbh 🙄
I saw on twitter Sammi Ameobi dropped his keys down the drain….sent him a message telling him that being daft as a brush must run in the family!
Moreno(Quote)
Moreno You make a good point Re Bobby he isn’t ( wasn’t) the worst in the world and I for one enjoyed his banter, I know he crossed the line once or twice but I still thought he added to it,. The problem I think Bobby had was that when someone fell for his tricks they seemed to go all out to get him back, instead of just thinking ah fuk he got me so lets move on.
I had only bother once when he was changing peoples names around and I told him on here that I didn’t like it and from that day we have got on fine.
I think people take him to serious but sure he is not with us anymore, and I for one miss his craic 😆
Big Dave(Quote)
Sammi and Shola dropping keys and miss-kicking shots off the shin into the crowd .. only at the toon
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Dimpleboy I will have to consider it more 😉
Big Dave(Quote)
Dave, he cant be gone forever .. was hoping to draw him out with me comments but he hasnt popped up to say hellloo yet! …
TOONPIPES(Quote)
Big Dave you can have a free NUFC medal I got with my season ticket 😆
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
Bobby was sound, but that Troy’s a reet c@nt 😆
richietoon(Quote)
haway bobbsy troy get yee little bus fired up
TOONPIPES(Quote)
TP I think the biggest problem with Wor Bobby was that he caught to many bloggers 😆
Big Dave(Quote)
Ref crowds they’ve been down for a few years, I believe yesterday’s was higher than the first home game on our return to the Prem last year. Wasn’t the first home game on Keegan’s return just 40 odd k as well? and that was before any of the “botha” with Ashley started. We had the 3rd highest average last year and we’ll have 3rd or 4th this year imo. Don’t we have enough to moan about without starting on something new?
richietoon(Quote)
Richie I agree Troy is a c@nt but he is not a bad c@nt 😀
Big Dave(Quote)
Dave…..aye Dave, he’s a canny c@nt 😉
richietoon(Quote)
Aye Richie, was at that Stoke game to welcome him, was a few empty seats then. FA Cup third round replay if I remember rightly. I ran to St. James’s when I heard, was running alongside the metro quicker than Obertan.
Moreno(Quote)
To be fair it was an FA cup game, and if it wasn’t for Keegan it would have been just over 20000…
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
“Goal of the match: Larsson’s acrobatic volley left Reina flapping at thin air. He was given far too much space at the back post to set himself and take flight.”
Who’s their left back again and where was he when all this was going on? 😆
Moreno(Quote)
Moreno….aye it was and also the 1st home game the following season was 47k and that was just after drawing with Manure away.
richietoon(Quote)
Richie….
So what you’re saying is that some people need to calm down a little bit with their conspiracy theories? 😆
Moreno(Quote)
Moreno……lol..no just think if people wanted to complain about droppong crowds they should have done it 3 or 4 years ago when they dropped, not now when they’ve pretty much remained the same since then despite the hard times biting deeper and that fat c@nt still being at the club. Only Man Utd, Le **** and possibly Citeh will average higher than us and that ain’t bad for a smallish city who never win **** all 😉 ……………….now the £35m that’s a different matter 😆
richietoon(Quote)
*dropping* 😳
richietoon(Quote)
Rich, you know what I hate more than dropping crowds? Droppong crowds. 😆
We just need enough in there to create the 12th man that pulled us back with Arsenal last season.
Moreno(Quote)
Moreno…now droppong crowds, that is summat to complain about 😆
richietoon(Quote)
I shall get all statto tomorrow and see if all grounds were sold out etc. Was disappointed with 46k, but we are in a recession at the end of the day. Its not the complete reason of course as some will be staying away in protest. Not 5,000 of them though.
Wonder how much of it was to do with the way the new seating plan has worked out?
On the subject of this article, its Archie Brands’ one. I just forgot to tag it up as his 😳
toonsy(Quote)
It doesn’t make a difference whether we have 40k or 50k, the atmosphere would be the same. What would make a difference is a standing/singing section close to the pitch. But I’ll stop before I start ranting 😉
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
Teddy Sheringham was the pundit on the arab channel that I watched the match on yesterday, they were all speaking Arabic he was answering in English but they had a translator talking Arabic over him, a tad bizarre…..hopefully that bar will have the Mackem game on as I saw setanta in the states(I think) advertising it earlier 😀
richietoon(Quote)
Rich, you not watching Real contra Barca ?
Moreno(Quote)
@Big Dave
It was Toonsy who ultimately thought that Bobby wound too many people up.
I just think people don’t like criticism and take everything personal.
@Toonpipes
Bobbys opinions were always genuine. I’m sure within a few weeks Troy will be persecuted by the sensitive souls on here as well.
Troy Stavers(Quote)
Dimpleboy…..true and what would really make a huge difference is if the 40k who complain about there being no atmosphere actually opened their gobs and sang 😉 😆
richietoon(Quote)
@Troy
When your reincarnated for a third time while you turn into a mad hooligan and offer out Toonpipes 🙂
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
Moreno…aye, best team in Spain are 1 nowt up 😉
richietoon(Quote)
@Richie Aye I did yesterday 🙂
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
correction …were 1 up 😥
richietoon(Quote)
Dimlpleboy….good lad 😀
richietoon(Quote)
Troy will be just fine if he logs into bobby’s e-mail and sticks to what his good friend said 😉
toonsy(Quote)
@Moreno
Thankyou and you some it up perfectly.
Half the trouble comes from those who miss the original points made in the thread by myself and join in when people start accusing me of being negative. I believe it’s realism.
But those who come in late only see the later exchanges. Not naming anyone toonpipes. 😉
Troy Stavers(Quote)
Some goal that Rich….I’d pick him ower Shola 😆
Dimpleboy – aye it was a bloody shame like….on the plus/negative side, a lot of the singing nutters are spread out around the ground now 😯 😆
Remember one lad in the corner got told to sit down by the stewards and he just went “Before ya start am telling ya now, there’s f*cking nee chance of that happening” 😆 😆 😆
Moreno(Quote)
**** 😥
richietoon(Quote)
Moreno….aye it was a cracka…would prefer Shola v the mackems tho 😆
richietoon(Quote)
🙂 That lad is a legend 😆
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
so our opening game attendance was only 47k and certain people are predicting it is on the slide and will be sub 40k in a few years.
Well last seasons opener against villa had a crowd of only 43k, so go figure?
Perhaps some people can only ever manage to put a negative spin on things regardless of their nic name.
Choo Choo. all aboard zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Beardsleys Boots(Quote)
I’ll give it two threads…. 😆
witters(Quote)
Woah hold your horses BB…This town aint big enough for three trains 😆
TheDimpleboy(Quote)
get in 2-2 😀
richietoon(Quote)
Troy @ 121 I think Bobby was misunderstood 😆 😆 he could be a right negative c@nt but a decent one at the sametime haha
Big Dave(Quote)
August games do clash with a few things like hoildays and summer sport participation. Although I dont think we should underestimate the strength of feeling about the percieved lack of investment in the team. I honestly believe a fair few will be so underwhelmed they just though ‘why bother’.
Stuart79(Quote)
@BB
What’s up this negative spin mallarkey?
Is it not something that is relevant due to the continuing mediocrity that Ashley is providing.
It’s inevitable that crowds will continue to drop slowly. The regime had to provide a 10 year scheme to ensure the crowds remained above 40k this season that’s for sure.
It’s not being negative but trying to make people aware of the situation before it’s too late.
I’ve been saying it for years now, when we were sold out in the allardyce era. People scoffed then but here we are 4 years on and we are averaging 44k.
You compare villa to arsenal ? Arsenal should always sell out.
Don’t keep shying away from difficult issues, they must be faced and tackled. 😕
Troy Stavers(Quote)
Why do so many people believe that , by criticising the club for certain issues, it’s deemed not supporting the club?
Its entirely the opposite in my opinion. It’s about putting the wrongs right in order to move the club forward.
By ignoring the issues and just looking for the positives, you are actually making matters worse.
Do you think we go to the match and talk about financials etc. We might before the game in the bar but when at the game
We cheer and support like everyone else.
Troy Stavers(Quote)
Here, here Troy! 😯
Stuart79(Quote)
alreet lads and lasses , just got back from training im fecked!!
looking 4wad to seein who pardue goes for this week!! hopefully pieters and a fast forward with an eye 4 goal lol
Army69(Quote)
Army do you play footy yourself? Maybe Pardew should sign you up if you do!! 😆
Zoë Vicarage(Quote)
Evening Troy 😆
I do hear you, but think its not so simple is all. There are other factors to consider for decreasing crowds, such as the global recession, holidays etc.
Average attendances are down everywhere, compared to the peak its not just down to the current regime.
Beardsleys Boots(Quote)
Army I see your back to Pardue again 😆 😉
Big Dave(Quote)
haha !! no i Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu zoe , hard work 😆
Army69(Quote)
lol @ dave
Army69(Quote)
Big Dave says:
August 14, 2011 at 14:16
Army @ 56 > pieters and a fast striker please mr pardew ??
Fuk you’ve changed your tune all this week he has been clueless Pardue
😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
Big Dave(Quote)
i know lol i feel a bit better after a point against arsenal 😆 😆 😆
Army69(Quote)